Page 18 | I know his secret… thread 2

Waffletots · 2024-12-09T08:43:04+00:00

Hi everyone I’ve been told to create a second thread as the first one is full [[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1 https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1]] I am off to see my parents this morning and will update later. Thank you so much for all of your support, looks like I’m going to need it!

Lifeomars · 09/12/2024 18:11

Zippedydodah · 09/12/2024 18:08

I know someone who on the day she returned from hospital with a newborn baby she had a message on her answerphone from a woman congratulating her DH on the birth of HER baby.
The bastard had been having an affair, the OW had her baby in the same hospital as my friend, on the same day and was actually on the same ward but in a different room.
It’s unbelievable what some scummy men are capable of.

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Christ! just when you think that you have heard about the lowest of the low, something even more slimy and disgusting crawls out from under a stone.

Original poster

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

OP posts:

MissMoneyFairy · 09/12/2024 18:16

sandyhappypeople · 09/12/2024 18:08

To suggest she expend the tiniest little bit of her energy on concern on this waste of space of a male, is just ridiculous.

I haven't suggested she do that, I've suggested she offload that responsibility onto someone he knows, so she can concentrate on what she needs to do. So you aren't understanding what you are reading at all. I've offered a suggestion that she tell his parents or a close friend of his what has happened, so they can be responsible for him in case he may do something stupid, reason being, it is not OPs burden to bear right now, I don't give a shit about him or his mental health, he deserves everything he gets, I think that is where you are getting confused. but IMO OP shouldn't be the one burdened with it, that's for other people to pick up the pieces now, HIS family, HIS friends, and certainly not OP, but if he is too cowardly to tell them then I think OP should IMO.

You saying "She needs to concentrate on herself without giving that prick a second thought!" doesn't actually mean she can you know, or you should make her feel bad for not being able to do that straight away, everyone is different when it comes to trauma, there's no right or wrong answer to what you do or how you feel in the aftermath of it, it's all part of the healing process.

You don't seem to understand, so there's no point keep replying to me.

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I'm sure he or his ow are more than capable of telling his parents, his ow can keep an eye on the poor little sausage. Why should anyone else feel or take responsibility for him.

OVienna · 09/12/2024 18:16

Zippedydodah · 09/12/2024 18:08

I know someone who on the day she returned from hospital with a newborn baby she had a message on her answerphone from a woman congratulating her DH on the birth of HER baby.
The bastard had been having an affair, the OW had her baby in the same hospital as my friend, on the same day and was actually on the same ward but in a different room.
It’s unbelievable what some scummy men are capable of.

Show quote history

OMFG.

virgocatlover · 09/12/2024 18:17

“Can we get past this, for the children?”

What an arsehole.

AllThePotatoesAreSingingJingleBells · 09/12/2024 18:17

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

The cheeky, cheeky bastard. Hope you are ok x

Beentheredonethat0 · 09/12/2024 18:17

Thursdaygirl · 09/12/2024 17:55

He planned another baby while actively having an affair.

Not so long ago,I read something on MN about a man who actively planned a baby with his wife, whilst having an affair, with the thought that having a small baby would make his wife far less able to move on quickly, and therefore still be available if his fling didn’t work out. Needless to say it all backfired on him, but what a cruel plan.

Oh God, that's nothing. What about those that find whole other families their DH has had over a long period of time. Scummy is as scummy does.

Reminds me of that old joke:
'How can you tell if a man is lying?'

His lips are moving ...

FeegleFrenzy · 09/12/2024 18:18

I’d also take all the money out the joint account but I’d get your brother to text him explaining what’s been done and why. Ie you need to prioritise keeping a roof over the children’s heads. And also your brother can tell him that there is an expectation that he will keep paying money into the bills account for the foreseeable future due to you being on maternity leave, etc.

GoldenLegend · 09/12/2024 18:18

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

The absolute wanker. Does he really expect you to ignore what he's done 'for the children' when he did it while you were pregnant with one of the children he's talking about?

Middlemarch123 · 09/12/2024 18:19

He should have thought of the children before shagging the OW. Glad your parents are being supportive. Ignore his pathetic message. You take care x

5twomany · 09/12/2024 18:19

Wow so not a sorry or a please forgive me me or begging or pleading.
Tbh none of that would change my mind about getting rid of him but he really doesn't care does he
Good luck to you and both of your little ones

MissMoneyFairy · 09/12/2024 18:19

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

Great to hear from you. She's booted him out and now he's got no one. Stay strong. For the children? That's emotional blackmail.

OhcantthInkofaname · 09/12/2024 18:19

And the Midwest part of the USA! And my sister in South Carolina!

Sunshine1500 · 09/12/2024 18:20

I’ve been in nearly your exact position.
the fact he’s leaving you to deal with it yourself is actually a good thing for you mentally because you need space to think . My ex hounded me and it was awful I couldn’t think straight, he’d turn up at home/the hospital and force his way in.
please don’t think about him or his affair, the woman was really cruel.
they are horrible people and you need to concentrate on a happy settled life. Your ex will only bring heartbreak.
I was so weak I didn’t stand up to him enough, you’re showing how strong you are, keep being strong x

BitOutOfPractice · 09/12/2024 18:20

That’s what he’s had to say? Fucking hellfire. Murders have been committed for less provocation than that. Jesus that’s appalling.

Zippymonkey · 09/12/2024 18:20

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

It’s notable that he doesn’t ask how you are @Waffletots Even now, while you are heavily pregnant and under serious emotional stress he is still
thinking about himself.

FeegleFrenzy · 09/12/2024 18:20

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

Wanker. So is he basically saying he only wants to get back with you because of the kids? What about saying what a massive mistake he’s made against his wife and that he’s realised he doesn’t want to lose you.?

by all means string him along with a bit of hope if you think that might make him more likely to pay bills for a while. Do whatever it takes to protect yourself.

Shadesofscarlett · 09/12/2024 18:21

God that message from him does not even warrant a reply

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 09/12/2024 18:21

May his next shit be a massive hedgehog.

DowntonNabby · 09/12/2024 18:21

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

Wow, the brass balls of the man! That's the message he sends after his lover lobs a grenade in your life??? Not "I'm so, so sorry" or "I never meant to cause you such devastating pain" just "think of the kids". You might not think it now OP, but you are well rid of this poor excuse for a husband and father.

So glad you have such a loving family around you.

Original poster

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:21

MeltingSky · 09/12/2024 16:56

Stop whining. This thread isn't about you.

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I didn’t, and would never have, drunk a glass of wine…. I just said “I could do with a glass of wine to calm me down, but won’t!” 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

Beentheredonethat0 · 09/12/2024 18:22

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

So sorry OP ... really, really sorry ... that's all he can muster?!?!
Where's his apology?! Grovelling apology is at least required.
Ugh, what a piece of shit.

Thank goodness you have your family for support!

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through at the moment.
My thoughts are with you x

Sortalike · 09/12/2024 18:22

YourArtfulPearlFinch · 09/12/2024 16:57

We are hearing her version of events. No one knows exactly what has happened or whether her behavior was a contributing factor. Maybe her husband is innocent in all of this

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Yes, you are quite right 🙄

For goodness sake, the OP is going through quite enough without you deciding she's as bad as her feckless husband.

If you can't offer constructive advice then the door is that way ➡️➡️➡️

cjcghana · 09/12/2024 18:22

Waffletots · 09/12/2024 18:15

I’m back from my parent’s house, that was a very difficult conversation but they were 100% behind me and very supportive. My Dad is as I expected helping me with the financial side and mum is being very supportive emotionally and they’re both amazing with my little one, as always! Between them and my brother, they’re letting all our family know the situation. My three year old is staying with my parents again tonight as I haven’t slept and don’t want them to pick up on my mood at all.
In other news my husband has sent me a single message which reads
“Can we get past this, for the children?”

Repeating my post from earlier. What an absolute CUNT

ivegotthisyeah · 09/12/2024 18:22

Ive just been reading both your posts, wow you amazingly strong woman!!
He is a first class cunt as doesn't not deserve you.
Hope you stay strong and look after yourself.
I promise you in 5 years time you'll look back and know you are 💯 happier.
Mine had an affair when I was pregnant with my third child. Turfed the cheating lying snake out and by god it was hard but the best thing I ever did.
You've got this! ( my user name is from these times and when I first found amazing support and help on this group)
🌺 xx