I know his secret… thread 2

[Waffletots]

Hi everyone

I’ve been told to create a second thread as the first one is full https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

I am off to see my parents this morning and will update later.
Thank you so much for all of your support, looks like I’m going to need it!

The autocorrect is out in force today, between OP being full of courgette and her husband being a custard 🤣

But seriously, I cannot believe your husband hasn't been in touch. He's even more disgusting than I first thought.

Keep posting, not because people want the gory details as a PP said, but because we want to be able to support you. Your family sound great, it definitely helps to have love and support in real life ❤️

Definitely second this. My mum when getting divorced spoke to the bank and apparently there conditions upon a divorce if it isn't amicable are to freeze all accounts money in no money out. Be cautious OP my mum had 3 years with frozen accounts and mortgages to be paid. (My dad was an arsehole) But being stuck at 38 weeks pregnant and right at Christmas isn't going to help you at all.

What a dreadful situation he’s put you in and how widely you are dealing with it. A role model to many women.

I think you’re amazing OP x

Do it - before he does. you can always pay bills a different way but first you need the money.

You are being really brave and really strong. Well done for making this really difficult decision, future you will be so grateful to today you xx

The autocorrect is out in force today, between OP being full of courgette and her husband being a custard 🤣 - what I was about to say too!! Hope it's bringing some smiles to the OP.

@Waffletots normally I would say see a solicitor ASAP get ducks in a row, financial info etc.

But you have a baby due in a very short amount of time so focus is on you, baby and your LO. Lean on your family for support, get through the here and now and let people in like your dad who can help with things.

I really hope you get some rest and you're Dhead of a H has some tiny amount of empathy somewhere deep inside to not be putting barriers up for you in the next few weeks.
Tell your midwifery team even if it's that you will be at your parents or your mum be at your house etc.

Use this thread as much or as little as you want. There are some very useful threads about stages and what to sort on MN as well.

Excellent tips and advice here.
I commented on your first thread but to say again that for a lady a that vulnerable time in your life...you got one hell of a set of balls.. ,,Thinking of girlie..xxxxx

Yeah I would leave all the admin and
concentrate on your well being. But then I never got beyond 37 weeks myself so it really could happen any day.

I'm so relieved you have a supportive family@Waffletots 🤗

Hope your meeting with your parents is supportive today and they can help you in a practical way in the coming days and weeks. Your husband is a coward for not contacting you.

I definitely wouldn't be making him aware when you go into labour. He has made his bed, he can lie in it now.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this whilst in late pregnancy and also with a toddler. They are ever so precious and will now be your main focus, men can be such scumbags can’t they?! You are dealing with it wonderfully!
Empty the joint bank account before he does, you have a home and your two babies to think about and focus on. Do not feel bad. You sound lovely and I wish you all the best!

It isn’t a soap opera. Many of us have been where the OP is and can offer support without feeling entitled to know what happens next.

Totally. These threads are wonderful sources of support but they do sometimes bring out the grief vampires and rubberneckers.

For every genuinely supportive post there is always a “any news OP?” Or a “what’s the latest?” As if people had subscribed to a true crime podcast. I find it distasteful.

I hope you are OK OP but know that this isn’t the Truman Show.

yes, he is. there is not question of innocence or guilt. you have photos and now you know. Never doubt yourself—trusting your HUSBAND is normal. He is the freak here. You stay normal for a happy life—you will move on, you will raise these beautiful children, but he is not who you thought he was. keep your head high and thank Godbuou have support. wishing you all good things.

Thank you for the update @Waffletots and may I say that you and your family are simply awesome! Your brother handled your cheating STBXH beautifully last night. Did the cheater actually think he could carry on playing away and have his comfortable loving homelife simultaneously? What an idiot!

Thinking of you and wishing you nothing but the very best now and after your baby arrives 💐👶

You will get through this. You will survive and one day you will thrive. Look after yourself as much as you possibly can. Good luck. 💐

So sorry to hear you are in this situation. Wonderful that you have such a supportive family. Let them help you.

You will feel such a range of emotions all totally normal but please take care of yourself. Looking after yourself and your unborn baby is your priority. Sending you lots of strength.

I understand why you'd be nervous @Waffletots but you are legally entitled to do so.

What if he clears the account first, would this leave you in a financially precarious position?

https://www.nevesllp.co.uk/legal-resources-and-news/my-ex-has-emptied-our-joint-account

Sounds like you have an amazing supportive family. Please look after yourself. Just live by whatever timeframe suits you at the moment - minute by minute, hour by hour....... it will get better.

OMG, that prick is the last person the OP should be concerned about!!! Let the bastard look out for himself like he's been doing for the last year!! His actions are on him, and him alone!

@Waffletots like everyone else I've been so impressed by the dignified way you have dealt with this. You're a very astute lady - you thought quickly and decisively within the matter of hours and you could not have handled the situation better. Dark times will lie ahead, we all know that, but always remember that you are amazing!

I am totally disgusted that the cunt hasn't even asked how you, his wife who's about to give birth imminently, and his child, are doing. He has blasted the biggest bombshell into your lives and he isn't even man enough to express concern. That only heaps up on top of his awful betrayal.

Do not contact him - leave that ball in his court! He's playing tactics here and he has an utter fucking nerve on him! Do not tell him you've gone into labour. Someone can let him know once the baby is born. He doesn't deserve the privilege of being at the birth and you don't have to look at his rotten cheating face.

I'm glad you have such a good family to rely on. Take care x

I hope you get the support you need,your family sound wonderful, so I don't doubt for a second that you can come through this,with your babies and have a happy life.

Be strong lovely, I cannot imagine how sad and betrayed you feel. I wish you well and sending love your way.

Hi OP, I was thinking of you after reading your thread yesterday. Unbelievable how much has changed in 24 hours for you. Also as others have said, he has contacted you at all which is incredible considering you have a 3 year old and about to give birth.
Sending you good thoughts and best wishes for the birth.

If you haven't heard from him OP I'd be inclined to contact his parents, or a friend of his/someone close to him to let them know what has happened, give as much or as little detail as you like, but ask them to look out for him in the coming days/weeks, so you don't have to worry about him alongside everything else.

I don't want to frighten you, but sometimes people do silly things when they feel backed in to a corner with no hope, and that responsibility of that is not at all yours to bear or even think about.

I know people will come along to say 'tough' 'his problem' 'his fault' blah blah.. In fairness, the consequences of this ARE his to deal with, but we all know you can't instantly turn feelings off for someone, it is a process that you are going to be working through and me personally, if I shared children with someone, I'd want to make sure I'd done what I could to make sure someone was looking out for him instead of me feeling guilty or feeling I had to do it.

I read your post last night in disbelief! You handled the situation with so much dignity and grace.

Hopefully, you’ll be able to get a bit of sleep at your parents’ house - knowing you have everyone around you.

The silence from him must be difficult but he’s saved you from having to listen to lies. You have all the control in this situation and only need to speak to him when you’re ready.