I know his secret but how do I play this?

[Waffletots]

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way.
Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time.
Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it.
What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

Have you considered telling your parents the full story now? You may need their support.

As she was prepared to tell you she may be prepared to give you some proof. I would thank her for telling me and then ask.

Have you responded to her?

I'd imagine that the OW has told him what she's done.

I meant more leave for tonight just to give yourself an excuse to be away without revealing you know, to give you time to process.

Certainly would not say you need to be the one leaving at all, he should. I just meant give yourself a bit of time as I know some couldnt be in the same house while not revealing that they know.

You say you would know by looking at him, but remember he is a more convincing liar than you realise if this has been going on a year, he has been lying to your face all this time so he may be a better liar than you know.

Thank you so much for sharing this, I feel like I’m a lot more armed with strength after reading this and preparing myself for what is probably to come, I probably would have fallen for all of his excuses out of desperation to keep our family together but I will not allow myself to be treated like this and I have to set an example to my children.

Personally I would hire a private detective, get absolute proof if there is something, or if it is just her. Then get ducks in a row and confront.

Why are you arsing about on here when you should be getting down to the truth of this?

You handled it like a QUEEN!

Agreed.

As I’ve said he’s in work until 6pm, I’m too ashamed to talk to anyone I know and I won’t confront him over the phone so here I am.

Where did she get your mobile number from? I'd say nothing for now but take some out of joint accounts each week and store in cash in case you need it. In addition you could get £50 cash back on food shopping each week. If DH comments just tell him food is expensive ATM and you got a few extra Xmas treats. I'd save up over £1k in cash before saying anything. Once you tell DH anything could happen. If you have a DC I'd wait until after Xmas. I'd also find excuses not to have sex with him until too. Get yourself a STI test.

She absolutely did, I aspire to be this strong tonight!

Have you responded to the message and asked for more information?

Oh nob off. She’s about to give birth and just had the shock of her life. Her oh isn’t even home yet, and she’s making preparations and sensible decisions for the confrontation later. What do you think she should be doing?

As mentioned above I have a business phone number which I use via WhatsApp, it’s pretty easy to find if you know my name (same surname as husband) so assume it was here.
i have already ordered an sti testing kit but will also mention it to my midwife who I’m seeing on Tuesday.

There's no need to talk to others yet if you don't want to Op.

You need to take things at your own pace & not be doing what others tell you, however well meant.

Also of course no need to feel ashamed.

You need to tackle him right away, or this will gnaw away at you.

Support, maybe? Ffs what’s wrong with people who answer like this?

❤️ be kind to yourself, this is a shock. The wife= always the last to know.

I’d be tempted to text the OW ‘thanks for the feedback but we have an open marriage… I’m surprised he lead you to think otherwise’ but that’s me. I do think a screenshot of texts is needed here though. He will definitely try and wriggle out/ minimise/ the script basically.
Do not be taken for a fool. We’re all behind you. If he ever loved and respected you and the DC then he needs to man the fuck up and tell you the truth.

Please don’t beg for him or let him question your trust etc. Make it clear that you don’t need him, you can and will live without him and he can have is DC EOW whilst you rebuild your life 🙌

I wonder should you ask OW if she's told your husband she's grassed him up? I suspect that's why he's taken all his communication devices to work with him.

If ever there was a kiss of death for a marriage, having to order an STI testing kit while 38 weeks pregnant, to make sure he hasn’t given you something, must surely be it.

What a total and utter twat he is.

I would ask for proof from her and I'd do my own digging. Know for sure before you confront him and I would get RL support. So sorry you're having to deal with this.

I'm sorry for all the typos I was about to run out of charge.

These men are despicable - they want to have their cake and eat it and don't care who gets hurt in the process.

I couldn't get my head around how he could be saying what he said to me/doing what he did with me and then going home and acting completely normal with his wife. It turned out they were still sleeping together and she didn't suspect a thing either. The ability these creeps have to compartmentalise and lie is astounding.

It took me a long time to get over it and I wasn't even the poor wife who'd been married to him for 15 years, I'd only been seeing him a few months. I realise now he was damaged, faulty goods. He treated women as commodities to fulfill his needs and it was all about fuelling his delicate ego - it made him feel like a big man shagging two women at once. A lot of men get off on the idea of the wife and family at home/mistress for "fun" and ego fuelling. It's the Madonna/whore complex (though I'm in no way referring to myself as a whore!) but that's kind of how they see it I think.

Im really sorry you're in this position especially whilst pregnant. I'd go to your parents to have space and think, you'll be needing support 💐

You need support to go through the birth with another young DC. Say nothing for the moment. Have your baby, get through Xmas then give it more thought as to what you want. If she's got your mobile number it's likely true but you already know that. Nothing will be gained from confrontation before you give birth. He could walk out and you'll need him until after the birth.