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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel b***** annoyed that my husband won't get the snip

177 replies

bigTillyMint · 26/04/2008 14:26

I am in my mid-forties, we have 2 (mostly!) lovely Children and DH, in particular, does NOT want any more children. As my periods are becoming a bit irregular, I would like a foolproof method of contraception to avoid any future stress (late periods...)
His reason for not wanting to get the snip is that he couldn't face the whole hospital/operation experience. But I feel that I have been through quite a lot of hospital stuff having had 2 children, miscarriage, etc, and that it's his turn.

Any opinions / advice to persuade him?!

OP posts:
NulliusInVerba · 09/05/2011 20:46

No, you cant hold a gun to someones head and force them to have an op, but why oh why are women responsible for everything? I posted on something similar the other day about how we as women have only the choices the medical profession choose to give us, and many of them have serious side effects. From me, its wear a condom, or jog on.

Please take the time to read this.....

The newest development in male contraception was unveiled recently at the American Women's Centre. Dr Merkin of the Merkin clinic announced the findings of the study conducted on 763 male undergraduates. She stated that the new contraceptive, the IPD, is the breakthrough in male contraception.

The IPD (intra-penile device) resembles a tightly rolled umbrella which is inserted through the head of the penis and into the scrotum with a plunger like device. Occasionally there is a perforation of the scrotum, but this is disregarded as the make has few nerve endings in this area. Experiments on 1000 white whales from the continental shelf proved the IPD to be 100% effective in preventing production of sperm, and eminently satisfactory to the female whale since it does not interfere with her rutting pleasure.

Dr Merkin declared the IPD to be safe for the human male, that of 763 undergraduates tested only two died of scrotal infection, only 20 developed swelling of the testicles and only 13 were too depressed to have an erection. She stated that common complaints ranged from cramping and bleeding, to acute abdominal pains. She emphasised that these were merely due to the man's body not having adjusted to the IPD yet. Hopefully symptoms would dissapear within a year. One complication caused by the IPD was massive infection necessitating the removal of the testicles, "but this is a rare case" says Dr Merkin, too rare to be statistically important.

She and other members of the Womens College of surgeons agreed that the benefits far outway the risks to any individual man.

NulliusInVerba · 09/05/2011 20:48

^ Sounds shocking doesnt it?

Incase anyone hadnt clicked, its a spoof. But it makes a very valid point.

Its basically describing exactly what women have to go through, the risks, and how the medical profession treat that.

How many of your DP's would be happy to have that fitted?
There would be a bloody outcry.

WannaBeMarryPoppins · 09/05/2011 20:59

That made me laugh Nullius .

Would the IPD be the equivalent to a coil/implant then?

NimpyWindowmash · 09/05/2011 21:01

My DH is also a refuser. He is a bit afraid of anyone carving up his bollocks (not an exact quote, but something like that). I've had 2 csections and 1 "natural" delivery involving a episiotomy, so it does make me a bit annoyed. But I've decided not to go on about it. I'm hoping to get a copper coil, but the first attempt to insert it failed (more pain).

I don't know what the answer is really, but I wouldn't want to coerce DH into having the snip. At the same time I do feel a bit resentful.

DingDongMerrilyOutOfSeason · 09/05/2011 21:09

YABU. I think the issue here is that there is no other option available to a man, which is not his fault. If he were able to have the coil, or take hormones and he would not consider these options, that would be unfair.Talk to your GP and find out about all the options, after all, steralisation is permanant for both of you, whereas there may be options you haven't yet considered. I would not want to force encourage my DH to have the snip in case something happened to me or my children and he ever wanted another family. Nature will eventually take that option away from me, but I would not want to be the one to take the option away from him.

DingDongMerrilyOutOfSeason · 09/05/2011 21:10

The above message was sponsered by the work options
Should really widen my vocabulary! Blush

NulliusInVerba · 09/05/2011 21:22

WannaBe Yes basically thats what the equivalent is. Men for the most part would never accept that, and nor would they be expected to.

For the most part, we take care of the contraception, possible abortion, pregnancy, child bearing and child rearing.
So to be honest guys, dont patronise me with some "I dont want any more kids" claptrap, put a fucking condom on.

And dingdong, there is an option for a man (see above) just alot of them dont like it because, GASP, it reduces their pleasure. Boo Hoo. I commented on another thread because alot of women Ive spoken to then say they dont push him to wear condoms because they worry he wont enjoy sex as much. Its barmy.

FabbyChic · 09/05/2011 21:38

If you want fail safe contraception sort it yourself. I don't know why your husband has to have the snip when in fact it takes but a morning out of your day to be steralised. Back to work the next day for me.

Mumcentreplus · 09/05/2011 22:01

My DH has had the snip took him a year to decide ...he was fine about it in the beginning then he went a bit nuts for a while (all the banter from friends -'dick might fall off...stop working etc.. sister in law telling him I want to only have children with me and I want to control him)...then clarity set in and he got it done

We used condoms all of our sex lives together the pill/coil/implant etc does not stop you catching a STI does it? just stops you from getting pregnant and they are not something I want in my body..I would have had no problem condoms forever ...

I was not willing to go through a 2 hour operation under anesthetic ... when his would take 20 mins (and it did) and he was awake throughout...

I was not willing to take drugs and suffer ill effects either, sorry I'm no martyr here I would have been happy for him to take the pill though he's so much better than me at that kind of stuff..lol..I gave him lots of tlc after the fact and quite a few years later no ill effects and no pregnancy just stress-free sex...

Mumcentreplus · 09/05/2011 22:08

Oh and in answer to your question imo I don't think you are BU to feel that way but you cannot force someone to to something they don't want to do think of it the other way around...I was fortunate my DH didn't want me to have to take drugs of put something into my body to control contraception and he got fed up of condoms so it was down to him...

AuntiePickleBottom · 09/05/2011 22:40

the way i got dp to have the snip is to force him to come to every single family planning appoinment (if he didn,'t come no condoms= no sex), if i had to wait hours in a clinic every few months to get pills and condoms he was waiting with me.

after the 3rd visit he asked about getting the snip

Collision · 09/05/2011 22:44

this thread is 3 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonder if Tilly's DH ever did get the snip!!

maypole1 · 09/05/2011 22:50

Why don't you get your tubes tied

AuntiePickleBottom · 09/05/2011 23:07

omg i didn't even notice that is was 3 years old

DingDongMerrilyOutOfSeason · 10/05/2011 08:29

Nullius Condoms are not an option here as OP finds them uncomfortable and yet rather than find out whether there are any that would not irritate her, she decides that DH should have permanent steralisation! If women choose not to ask men to wear a condom for whatever reason, that is their choice. Also I know a number of women who prefer sex without condoms so works both ways.

Anyway, will leave it there because now I have been told it is 3 years old I assume they came to some arrangement!

kaid100 · 10/05/2011 09:20

Remember what we say to girls and women whose boyfriends say they must sleep with them or must have an abortion? We say, "Her body, Her choice" This applies here as well.

Tigurr · 10/05/2011 09:33

BigTillyMint - I have a problem with condoms - apart from the smell, they make me feel itchy and uncomfortable inside.

Try non-latex ones - durex do one. They cost a bit more than the other ones but, like you, I had a problem with most condoms because of the latex content. And when I wore latex gloves for some food thing at school my hands swelled up... so I'm guessing I have a problem with latex!

Groovee · 10/05/2011 09:33

Dh told me in 2002 he would get the snip after our 2nd baby was born. He never did it and in 2007 I went to see the GP about being sterilised and dh came with me. It resulted in him being talked into the snip. That was the August. We had the counselling in the December and he had his op in the April at the family planning clinic which took around 20 minutes. All clear in July and August sperm tests.

Dh then said "if I'd known how easy it was I'd have done it sooner!" I nearly brained him. He is a plumber/gas engineer and needed a week off work as bending was a slight issue but he did office work instead that week.

SoupDragon · 10/05/2011 09:35

This thread is originally from 2008

JessicaDrew · 11/05/2011 10:49

my dh imagined it would be a hospital job
but in our area at time it turned out to be done at another doctors surgery
it was walk in walk out, and tea and coffee on table, with a sign for vacectemy patients only Grin

BrainSurgeon · 11/05/2011 10:57

Sorry to take "his" side but ultimately, if the man doesn't want to do it, it's a bit unfair to impose it on him don't you think?
Would we accept any pressure from anyone in matters to do with our physical integrity?

Don't get me wrong, I totally support you OP and I think you're right to discuss things with him (get his head out of the sand!) but I would find it hard to push if the man really doesn't want to do it...

BrainSurgeon · 11/05/2011 11:02

Ha ha just noticed it's a very old thread - silly me - oh well

BarbarianMum · 11/05/2011 11:10

Dh was always going to have the snip once we had completed our family. Now it comes to it he has cold feet. He does totally accept that contraception is his responsibility and if I get pregnant we are keeping it, though.

sausagesandmarmelade · 11/05/2011 12:02

I think he's given a perfectly valid reason which you should respect.

You could always use condoms

LordOfTheFlies · 11/05/2011 12:19

When I took DD for her 6wk check I mentioned to the (young male) GP that DH was thinking about the snip and he said "Tell him to make an appointment with me and I'll talk him out of it". I know they are reluctant to snip dads who have very young babies but I thought it was either male solidarity or he'd had to counsel men who'd had the op against their will. BTW he didn't have it done !

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