To feel b***** annoyed that my husband won't get the snip

[bigTillyMint]

I am in my mid-forties, we have 2 (mostly!) lovely Children and DH, in particular, does NOT want any more children. As my periods are becoming a bit irregular, I would like a foolproof method of contraception to avoid any future stress (late periods...)
His reason for not wanting to get the snip is that he couldn't face the whole hospital/operation experience. But I feel that I have been through quite a lot of hospital stuff having had 2 children, miscarriage, etc, and that it's his turn.

Any opinions / advice to persuade him?!

Thread mining is very annoying.

Oh arse. I didn't think to check the date of the OP...how did this get here?!

I would guess that meandyoutonight is bumping lots of threads about vasectomies to get his point accross not to do it (his post first one after 2008)

You should read the thread about it in Dadsnet board at the moment. It's pretty shocking and I'm afraid to say it would definitely make me think twice about doing it (if i was a man, obviously!!). Or is that poster your DH, and that's why he's now so reluctant?!

oops shld have read all the posts first!

withdraw all treats from him iyswim

Why oh why do women think it is acceptable to ask a man to mutilate himself. Use protection. If not comftable with that have a hysterectomy. Dont ask someone to do what you would not do yourself!

My dh choose to have a v. He had no pain and no problems.
He will go to the day clinic, be sedated to relax, be frozen, have it done (MY dh had no pain at all) then go home.
Having teeth out is much more of a hardship.
Maybe the 2 of you can have a consultation with a Urologist and learn all about it.

ExpectantDad, the thing is not that a woman is not prepared to have her tubes cut, it is which is the easiest, less risky procedure. Birth control is a couples shared decision and if the couple decides upon sterilization, wouldn't it be sensible to choose the easiest and safest option?

YANBU. I'm with you on this one.
Mmrsceptic I feel just the same.
I've got 4 DC (2 from previous marriage)
Due to my numerous health problems I was advised not to have more DC but then met and married DH2 and was 'pressurised' into one more. Was pretty much confined to bed the last few months and could barely walk and had lots of pain. Early CS at 37 weeks as a necessity.
No plans for anymore and was on pill however fell pg again and was devestated. Totally madly in love with DC4 who is now 15 months but can't risk going through that again.

Throughout last pg had to inject daily into my stomach and was in pain for at least the last 4 months. Have had 3 CS now and scar(s) still very sore.

Doctors won't allow me to go on pill any more (history of DVT) and other forms of contraception not suitable for me for various reasons. 2 Doctors have said most sensible option is DH to have snip. He refuses. He is 'not having anyone fiddling with him'. He did however once say he'd get it done when back in the UK (we are abroad at the moment) as he is not having those 'foreign doctors messing with him'. Funny how those 'foreign doctors' were more than adequate to saw me in half to remove his children

I've put my foot down and no sex until he gets the snip (and loses 2 stone!)
No doubt I'll get flamed but don't give a flying f*. My health has suffered enough and has seriously deteriorated since the last pg.

I think bigTillyMint is still on the site maybe we can be really nosey and ask what happened in the end?

Blimey mumoverseas you have been through the mill

MamaG I've just re-read my post and see how angry I was about it all. Yes, definitely through the mill. Had major spinal surgery years ago and have lots of metal pins holding my lower spine together. Last two pregnancies appear to have damaged my back further and it is looking like I'm going to have to undergo more spinal surgery
Of course, I'd hate to think of DH having a little bit of discomfort so have given up raising the conversation about the snip and will just hope it drops off

I don't blame you for beign angry, it sounds hell

It really does

I'd be bloody angry too!

Are you referring to dH's cock dropping off btw?

"but I do feel that if I did get pregnant and he really didn't want it, then I would have to be the one who had an abortion or face an uncertain future together."

ummmm....i may have missed something here.
i always thought that in ANY relationship, you DISCUSS what would happen if you got pregnant accidently. and if neither of you want any more kids, surely youd abort.
and also, i think its unfair that you expect your DH to get a possible irreversible operation [thats frankly unnessacary] but act like an abortion would obviously be far far worse. noone can judge that.

also, id never ask my DH to get the snip.
thats like asking someone to get boob implants IMO.
a horrible procedure in order to please the other person not themselves.
if you wont get snipped, why should he???

i think the state of your reltionship after you force him unable to have kids would be worse than if [despite you not wanting any more kids] you got pregnant and then decided you wanted it, going back against a decision you made together!

Personally i think YABU to feel annoyed that he wont get the snip. I suffer from irregular periods and i am on the injection. I suffered sever PND in 2008/2009 and after falling pregnant again in Feb 2009, could not go through with the pregnancy. The thought of going through what i went through with my PND in 2008 (when it at its worst) scared the living day lights out of me.

I had a termination and i do not regret it one bit.

I am now on the injection and recently my periods are becoming irregular and its annoying the hell out of me. But i have suffered from bad periods since i started them at 14. I am now into my 3rd week of this period and its getting me down. I have my injection every 10 weeks instead of 12 weeks to try to stop me from coming on but its made it worse. I am at the doctors on Tuesday to discuss other options for me, i am 24 and had 2 Vaginal births and 2 abortions (although the first one i had, the fetus had already died) - i have never had a smear and the nurse said to go back if the bleeding continued. She is going to request a smear for me.

But whilst i am there i am going to ask if i can have my tubes tied. I never want another child. I cannot see myself having another baby - a little girl would be lovely to join my family but no i do not want to go through that again.

If you feel strongly about your DH getting the snip and he isnt seeing it through your eyes. Why dont you go get your tubes tied?

MamaG yes I was (was only joking though!)

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it a much bigger proceedure a woman having her tubes tied than a man having the snip?

'Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it a much bigger proceedure a woman having her tubes tied than a man having the snip?'

Yes, it is.

Even if your PCT provides the Essure procedure for female contraception (most don't).

Otherwise, it's a general anaesthetic and your abdomen blown up with gas so the surgeon can see the tubes clearly.

Oh, and the incisions, though small, are made with a scalpel and of course go all the way through your abdominal wall.

'Vasectomies also increase the cancer risks.'

There is no definitive scientific research to assert this is true.

By contrast, female sterilisation is a known factor in the development of ectopic pregnancy, a potentially life-threatening condition.

What's all this about hospitals?
Vasectomy is an outpatient procedure.

Sounds like he just doesn't want one.
I think that he's being selfish, or lazy, or cowardly, or all three.

Sterilisation for a woman is a hospital procedure under a general anaesthetic alicet - with all the dangers of that- so you're comparing apples and oranges there. It's totally different scenario. Not every woman wants hormonal contraception either.

You could always try abstinence, if you don't tolerate condoms.
Whatever you do, punt the ball (pun not intended ) right back in his court - sounds like you've had enough of procedures - his turn to take responsibility.

im pretty sure there's risks in vasectomy, the same as there are in female sterilisation.

DONT EXPECT HIM TO DO SOMETHING YOU WOULDNT DO.

and at the VERY LEAST there's always condoms. bloody hell, on mumsnet there's some people who act as if condoms break ALL THE TIME. correct sizing/use/non latex WHATEVER, just stick one on and get on with it, just like you'd tell your teenagers to do.
rant over.
leaving now.

expat there really is nothing you don't know . very useful information thanks. Not sure I like the sound of being blown up like a balloon.
Can I just ask (excuse my ignorance) what is the Essel proceedure?

zazen with my DH it is all 3!

If you're in your mid forties then making your DH have an operation he doesn't want is mean. You are only going to be fertile for another couple of years, at best. Just do whatever you have been doing for the past 20 years and stop moaning.

Sorry, the stop moaning bit was meant to be light hearted and I see now that it looks horrible. No offence meant