To feel b***** annoyed that my husband won't get the snip

[bigTillyMint]

I am in my mid-forties, we have 2 (mostly!) lovely Children and DH, in particular, does NOT want any more children. As my periods are becoming a bit irregular, I would like a foolproof method of contraception to avoid any future stress (late periods...)
His reason for not wanting to get the snip is that he couldn't face the whole hospital/operation experience. But I feel that I have been through quite a lot of hospital stuff having had 2 children, miscarriage, etc, and that it's his turn.

Any opinions / advice to persuade him?!

I agree with Beetroot although I am in the fortunate position that my dh offered to have the snip and his offer was instantly accepted.

If someone started a thread "is my dh being unreasonable - he says no sex until I get sterilised?" I would imagine most of you would change your tune.

Contraception is a joint decision. I personally feel it is wrong to withold sex (either partner) as a way of trying to get your own way; this seems to be what one or two of you are suggesting? (tell me I have got this wrong?)

Hope you come to an agreement soon.

There was no way my DH would have the snip - far too squeamish - and there's also no way I would have tried to persuade him otherwise.

I got sterilised, it was fine. Sore for about a week but DH had taken the kids away so I recovered in peace. It's been great not having to use contraception for years!

shouldbe - my DH had ulcerative colitis

Ah bella ..mine had colon cancer...2 years cancer free now though .He's just had his 2nd clear scan so we're being very optomistic

That is fab news about 2nd clear scan. DH does not have a colon now and has never been fitter.

My DH is dragging his feet over the snip too.
He promised me faithfully and now, 2 years post DS2 he is still all "tackled up".

Like you, I am totally convinced that it is now his "turn", I have been messed about with enough!

my dh was offered the snip at his surgery - with local. in and out very quick. maybe this could be an option?

My hubby had it 10 years ago as I suffered with severe SPD(still do) and so was not an option to have more. He ran out the hospital and was back at work the next day. I was amazed by the vast amount of different colours on such a small space a few days later when the bruising came out though!

Sorry forgot to add he was happy to have it- it was he who broached the subject first.

I was talking about this recently with some nurses, who said that it was actually physically better for a woman to be done than a man - am not quite sure in what way but apparently the snip is not the straightforward thing I always assumed. Sorry so vague, will try to get more info.

i wouldn't put pressure on him and he has a righ to say no. my hubby would never get the snip, even though i would prefer him to. i respect his decision.

bohemianbint is it perhaps because the snip is potentially less effective? And can take months for all live sperm to "die off" (or whatever happens to them!)?

Dh had a newer procedure, cauterising rather than snipping iirc - reversal almost impossible I believe.

I was always under the impression that the surgery was more significant for a female? But I may be wrong.

Agree with Franny who agrees with Beetroot

I wouldn't pressurize him to have the snip. It's his decision, just like it's my decision to refuse to take hormonal contraception.

no, you shouldn't "force" a man t ohave this done. But reasoned argument and consideration should surely win the day.

and Beety's point about increased risk of prostate cancer? Well, research I've seen indicates there is a very weak correlation in any "theory" about this and very little increased observable connection.

and the OP's hubby's resistance is about the "squeamishness" factor. Which is understandable, but in practice it is a load of old balls. usually.

But it's not like removing ovaries or a womb. It's just like a woman having her tubes tied, except that it's a much more minor procedure for a man. It's not like she asked him to get castrated.

If he definitely doesn't want more children, why should she have to be the one to have surgery/take hormones to prevent conception?

BigTillyMint, have you tried non-latex condoms? You might find these don't irritate as much as traditional latex ones.

Tilly -- tell him you're 2 weeks late & feeling too sick to have sex. Dont have a preg test, do start talking about all the baby gear you'll have to get and the sleepless nights and extra school fees to come. Tell him you're relaxed whatever happens. Dont tell him when your period does come.
If he's like my husband, he'll sign himself up for the big V. as fast as he can speed-dial.

Can't believe it's called a "surgical procedure", it takes 10 minutes of real time to do it, about 2 hours before they feel virtually normal again (and about 20 years of husband moping before they come around to the idea).

ahem - it is a surgical procedure as it involves a surgeon. With a very sharpe knife. Introducing it to your underpants region. And, maddeningly, with your agreement!!

really, there is nooo pain, just discomfort for a couple of days. Sweet.

My neighbour had a really nasty infection following getting the snip.

Belgo, I thought I knew my neighbours well.

belgo - that will NOT be because of the nature of the procedure. To do with 'environmental' factors.

his wife is a gossip

My DH decided to have a vasectomy after DD3 was born. His choice, I was happy with it as I don't fancy another 15 years or so of hormones and coil didn't suit me at all.

He got a pretty big post-op infection and then we discovered that it hasn't worked. At all. He hasn't even got a diminished sperm count, it is fabulously normal.

So the poor man has to go through it all again. This time he says they can put him to sleep and do it properly!

But depite all that I think the OPs husband is being rather selfish to not even consider the snip. Why does the responsibility for contraception seem to always fall on the woman?