To think that the middle classes are liars and actors?

[MargaretBrewer]

I know this woman who I always assumed was middle class. Everything she says and values is a walking middle class stereotype. The couple live in a nice house, everything is nice. Forgive my surprise, then, when I found out that she was born on a council estate to parents who were often jobless. After some snooping around, I learned that her husband comes from more money, but his father actually began life as a builder - yes, a construction worker! - who rose to manage the (small) company before buying up a number of local estate agents. I never knew what the couple in question did until I learned that they are landlords to some shops in town. Their son went to a private school and struts around like he is prince of the county! When none of his grandparents were posh! And how is it that the husband and wife own so many properties in town?!

It reminds me of a doctor and his wife I know. I always thought they must come from solidly middle class, if not upper class backgrounds, given how they talk and behave. It turned out that both of them come from families that worked in steel!

And and and there is a writer who lives nearish to me. Single woman, carries herself with this gait and artistic flair that I assumed she must come from an UMC background. Turns out her father was a welder.

Why are these people so MC presenting?? I would never have guessed they had come from unglamorous backgrounds, and there are a few other 'friends' I suspect might be similar. Are the middle classes inherently actors? If so their snobbery is alarming to me!

Had to change my name for this.

I'm working class.. she's still talking crap.

@Ursulla - no-one is obliged to agree with the OP - and they are just as entitled to hold - and defend - their opinion as she is.

Are you suggesting that any view held by a middle class MN member must be incorrect?

if you heard me speaking, you'd probably think I was middle class. I grew up in a Council house, and had a single mother that raised me while doing mostly manual labour jobs. we literally shared a house with my auntie and cousin after we left the right to buy council house I grew up in.
so many people judge me for being "posh" I was literally bullied in school for being posh IN SURREY.

what difference does it make if these people aren't as middle class as you wrongly assumed they are?

yes. I grew up in Surrey, and despite not being at all middle class have always had a really clipped, well spoken, stereotypical surrey accent. to the extent I went to what was considered a GOOD school, and was still bullied for being posh.
I've since lived more than half my life in Cornwall, and I HAVE picked up some softness from the local accent. I think my voice is much softer and kinder sounding now. it's just smoothed over the hard edges a lot.

Oh you would HATE me, my father grew up in a council house and was a very successful academic which naturally benefitted his family. I better get back in my lane, thanks OP!

you do tend to pick up the accents around you. I lived the first 19 years of my life in Surrey, and was bullied for being posh. (in SURREY) so that probably gives an idea how I speak.
when I was 19, we moved to Cornwall, and my accent has softened, and picked up some of the intonations from around here.
once, when I was visiting my friend who still lives in Surrey, someone asked me what part of Cornwall I was from. their face when I said "Godalming, actually" was hilarious.
and my accent tends to get stronger when I go back there. unlike my husband, who's Bristollian accent only really comes out if we go to Bristol, when I go back, I slip into a stronger Cornish accent. it's like it makes me feel more secure or something.
that said, I'm still considered posh. just posh Cornish instead of posh Surrey.

although, on the swearing front, oh boy do I swear! one of my friends one said she absolutely loves it when I swear, because she loves how it sounds with my posh accent.

I remember one of our Christmas temps being really shocked when she first heard me swearing when I wasn't on the shop floor. she thought it was quite funny, and commented she didn't think I seemed the type to use bad language. one of my other colleagues who was in the room absolutely snorted at that comment and then said, "yeah, you can tell you're new. you'll see" 😜

I went to a very well known girls' boarding school, and now work in The City.
My grandmother was a cleaner, from a mining family, without a single academic qualification (also a single mother - ooooh the horror!).
I'm not ashamed of either of those things, and happy to mention them if it's pertinent to conversation, but it's usually not. As which class should I be "presenting " please?

I remember going into full fishwife mode about something while in the company of a younger woman who I didn't know well. "Oh please don't swear" she entreated. Odd, she swears as badly as this a lot. "Sorry, didn't mean to offend you". "It's not that, it's your voice, you sound too posh to swear like that, it's really upsetting"! Blimey. Not posh at all but am from South.

This thread breaks my heart as one of those types of people you so pompously sneer at.

How should I act? What class am I?

Dad went to Oxford uni. Very well spoken, loved the theatre. He was a wife beater. Beat my mum and siblings for years. He lived most his adult years in a small council flat on a v rough, v deprived inner city council estate. He re-married an alcoholic and their (4) kids were taken into care. He smoked weed. He died alone.

Mum raised us as a single parent. We had no money and often went without (food etc..) Mum got a degree when we were kids. Was a cleaner when we were little, was a teacher when we were older teenagers. Her parents were v well-to-do. Whole family very well spoken. We lived in a bungalow then a house.

Step dad unemployed several years and manual work.

I went to private school on a full fees bursary for 5 yrs. Also went to state primary and state 6th form.

I played a v 'middle-class' instrument in a national youth orchestra as a child & YP! Also endured all sorts of trauma as a young person.

One sibling city professional. One sibling NHS worker. One sibling sadly unable to work due to MH and in council accomodation

Husband and I both professionals. I'm a doctor of sorts. We live in a middle.class area. Children do extra curricular activities!

How would you expect me to behave? What class am I?

What parts of my history should I declare on first meeting? What is most appropriate to back up my currently lifestyle?

1. I went to private school, I'm a doctor, father went to Oxford (all true)

Or

1. Father beat my mum, father smoked weed. Fathers kids in care. I was raised by a single parent. Step dad unemployed. Father died alone in one of the most deprived council estates in England. (all true)

What accent should I have?

Go on wind everyone up. What does it matter if people are nice

Disgraceful, what do these people think they are. They probably have such airs and graces that they get out of the bath to go to the toilet and don’t ask people to pull their fingers before breaking wind. They seem very la-di-da. The common folk like us swilling our pints of mild with a ferret down our trousers and coal stained faces need to look at these class traitors with disdain. They possibly have indoor toilets and eat foreign food like pizza which is just cheese on toast with ketchup and they think they are better than us.

They are just one generation away from dirty nets, people’s friend, a freshly scrubbed step, a fortnight in Rhyl and a packet of woodbines. They disgust me already with their fakeness.

It takes 6 generations to make a lady and 10 to make a gentleman.

Slow day in the office op? lol

I think the demographic OP describes is far more prevalent than people think. To the extent that most 'middle class' types have similar backgrounds to those OP describes. This is especially true of areas where the proportion of established middle class has always been smaller. We overlook how different the job market looked a hundred, fifty, even twenty years ago. The demand for skills changes over time.

And then you've got the posh people dumbing down their accents, guy richie and the like

How people present themselves is no indicator of class.
People can be lovely or horrible (sometimes both - depending on the current circumstances).
People can be rich, with a lovely house or a pigsty of a house.
People can be poor, with a lovely house or a pigsty of a house.
People can be degree-educated, but still be clueless about some topics, or knowledgable about most topics.
People can have left school at 16, and be clueless about some topics, or knowledgeable about most topics.
People can dress in Supermarket clothes and look chic, or designer clothes, and not look chic (and vice versa)
People can have lots of money, could have what you call “class”, or none.
People can be born with a silver spoon in their mouths, and end up on the streets, or not…

You see where I’m going with this? I hate, hate, hate it, when people make assumptions about me because, where I come from, the accent is close to RP, for example, and I think that you’d probably make the same judgement about me too! (I’m not degree-educated and DH was born in a Council House, but he was a very highly-regarded engineer, and I’m a professional IT Analyst)

Kindly, you need to drop some of your prejudice, get out and meet people from more walks of life - you’ll be amazed at how much richer your friendships will be when you accept that everyone is different, and that class doesn’t matter!

It’s all a big game that nobody knows the rules too. They’re insecure and desperate to fit in. They wear a mask a lot of the time, drop references to the ‘posh stuff’ they have almost constantly

”oh when we were in our house in Spain”
”So I was in Waitrose the other day…”
”Oh I can’t beat a good shop in Joules”

Yes, they are performing and nobody around them cares unless they are of the same mindset.

For context - I am from a solidly working class background but am earning good money now. I just don’t tend to show it off.