If a man can't afford to keep me

[sunshinesparklestar]

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.

I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

Pot meet kettle. Miaow. Feel better after that little attack,.?

Snap.

Nobody is slagged off for having a husband who supports them or daring to want to be with their own children. This is just basic normal stuff of life. What is there to even say? Similarly, if you work, then great. Only in Britain do women need to put other women down with pathetic snide, smug, or bitchy comments or stupid irrelevant anecdotes about their neighbour or their mother - just to make themselves feel better about working or being a SAHM.

Past a certain point you don’t need female anatomy to look after children. It is not an exclusively female thing to want to be with children. That’s the issue.

I'm saying everyone is as bad as each other. It's a sad reflection of British women in 2024.

You find them attractive? Don't you mean you admire them?

She seemingly means attractive because they're rich and enable her to be economically inactive, which is what she is now her child is in school.

I work 16-18 hour days, 7 days a week, not so much because I have to, I choose to. Every day brings interesting and new challenges, I could not live the life the OP has, but if she can, and she likes it, then good luck to her. However, it does sound like my personal hell. I would say that is a waste of a life, but we are all different.

No. OP needs to be a kept woman as she finds it hard to be employed due to her ADHD.

So for her, economic stability from her OH is an absolute necessity as she is unable to bring in her own income.

She has very cackhandedly described it as she can't understand why other women feel the same. She has failed to recognise her own limitations that she has imposed on herself that means she HAS to get a man who will fund her lifestyle

*She has very cackhandedly described it as she can't understand why other women DON'T feel the same....

No. OP needs to be a kept woman as she finds it hard to be employed due to her ADHD.
So for her, economic stability from her OH is an absolute necessity as she is unable to bring in her own income.

Not strictly true. Sounds like she could work in childcare, housekeeping or philanthropy very easily.

Have to hope hubby makes provisions/lives/works forever though.

@Pipsquiggle

She has very cackhandedly described it as she can't understand why other women feel the same. She has failed to recognise her own limitations that she has imposed on herself that means she HAS to get a man who will fund her lifestyle

Alternatively, she has tried to pass off being unmotivated and lazy as a matter of sexual orientation to a particular kind of man when in fact it’s just a case of needing any man who will pay her not to have to work.

And yet again having another go at women. Not men. Women.

can you really not see the irony in posting repeated attacks on women whilst complaining women attack. I mean ffs.

and I’m assuming you’re a sahm who has had some extreme reaction to the thread. Hit a nerve. Snd likely not British as apparently you want to attack our nationalities too.

Are you not like other women? ;-)

I support my family financially, demonstrate a strong work ethic to my kids and I do what you do all day at the end of my working day! I couldn’t ever sponge off my husband and ask for money, plus, I love my job.

I think a proper woman wouldnt want to be kept, talk about old fashioned. I enjoy working, I like going out meeting new people. I couldnt think of ant thing woese than being a stay at home parent, or house wife. Not everyone thinks the same as you, evan if I was married to a millionaire, I would still work. Maybe your neighbour feels the same.

Why do you dislike women who choose to work, and are financally independent, a bit of jelousy perhaps

Do you have help in the home or are you the home maker who does everything domestic? To say that your husband is the breadwinner and you don’t have to work is not the norm these days but often, the husband who is the financial provider has a strong partner who does everything else.

If your day is just your own and you have domestic help, I hope you’re doing something useful? A degree, some volunteering? Something?!! Otherwise, you’re not so much unreasonable as entitled and stupid.

Ridiculously unreasonable. I've always been the primary breadwinner.

It's about being a team. Attractiveness is not sealed up in a pay packet.

Kindness, hard work, commitment to making a difference in the community, being a great father, being gorgeous.... that's what I've found attractive in my lowly paid husband for the last 35 years....

Of course I’m not perfect. I just don’t think it’s devaluing domestic work to point out that the vast majority of adults have to do it even if they do work full time.

Although I was in an office, with a briefcase, in the 80's. It was brilliant!

🎣

But the OP's husband doesn't work that much, she says, and has plenty of time for hobbies (I note she doesn't say anything about her hobbies or shared hobbies) AND he gets his house cleaned, his shirts ironed, his meals cooked, and gets to FEEL LIKE A MAN! Hurrah!

OP you are the definition of shallow because if your ‘husband’ suddenly lost all his money then surely you’d find him unattractive, by your own admission!

You’ve lucked out, that’s all. You don’t earn your own money, so flaunting around in nice clothes and organising your children’s wardrobe by season or whatever along pretending to give a shit about those less fortunate than you with the charity bollocks is all just playing house.

She actually clearly says she is in "no doubt" that he could leave her at some point. That's awful. And after all that cooking and ironing...

Far from it. A tidy house is very low on my list of priorities, actually and time/life is too short for copious amounts of cleaning. it’s quite hard to cook “healthy meals” every day when I’m 200 miles from home. Household tasks get done by everyone in the household (except the dog).

Why would you need a SAH wife? Why not a SAH partner? A vagina isn’t required for any of the domestic tasks you mention so it doesn’t have to be a female role.

We’re a partnership so we share responsibility for all the things that need doing and have from day one. Clearly just more enlightened than others. 🤷🏻‍♀️