If a man can't afford to keep me

[sunshinesparklestar]

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.

I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

Oh come on. I am wholeheartedly sickened by OP’s posts, but let’s not completely denigrate/ devalue SAHPs and the very real domestic and childcare work that they do. They are not taking their partner “for a mug” - there are lots of advantages for men who have women who support them by carrying this load.

No, I'm not referring to or denigrating SAHMs. I'm referring to women who state to men in the early stages of dating that they expect not to work after marriage but expect a potential husband to keep them.

Maybe if you had a job you wouldn't have enough time left to write crap like this on the internet!

TBF there's enough crap being written from both the yay and nay sides.

Yes true that is very odd. I guess it might appeal to some men who have very sexist values. 🤮

There is a massive difference between SAHP and what the OP is doing. She has one child in full time school while she spends all day by the sound of it doing very little (leisurely 11 o’clock coffees were mentioned).

A parent (usually a mother) with children actually at home works incredibly hard. The OP from her own description of her activities blatantly doesn’t.

Also, there is a massive difference between a working couple who decide a parent should stay home with the kids for a few years (or longer if that works for their family) and someone who goes looking for a partner to support their lifestyle with the intention of never working.

I definitely worded my first post wrong, it came across in the wrong way! I have since expressed how I do not feel sorry for women working, I feel sorry for the women who have to work when all they want to do is be home with their babies. I have a friend who had to go back to work when her baby was a few months old and it broke her.

I can't take back that I find financially secure men attractive, as I do, but it definitely doesn't define someone and I am not shallow! If he lost it all tomorrow of course I wouldn't leave him but I can't help what I find attractive in a man.

God op when you’re in a hole stop digging. It’s toe curling.

look no one wants your pity or judgement, and yes it’s shallow to fancy blokes who will pay for you. Shallow and weird. Sometimes when we feel or think unpleasant things and want to feel superior it’s best not to share those shameful things with anyone other than a therapist.

Okay? And I find dark haired violinists attractive. I don't feel the need to start a whole thread about it.

Face it, OP. You started this to be goady/have people applaud you for your wifey duties. It didn't go as planned and now you're back-tracking.

Also, if your kids are in school then you're not a SAHM, you're a housewife. Not the same thing.

Me staying at home is a mutual agreement between me and my DH, I'm not taking advantage of him and he appreciates everything I do at home.

My child only started school 2 weeks ago so previous to that they were at home with me.

My ADHD does actually hinder me in the work environment for many reasons but I won't go into those.

I volunteer.
I cook for family who need help.
I look after my families children when they need it.
I do also lightly work for my DH, I do admin stuff related to the business but I can do it as and when and none at all if I don't want to.
I also sponsor charities.

So why don't you get a job as a nanny/school dinnerlady/part time job as an admin assistant?

What would you do if he wants to split up. One in every two marriages ends in divorce, seems a precarious way to live.

You sponsor charities? What does that involve then 😂

She buys a red nose and watches Comic Relief. 😂

Your dh wasn't secure when you met though, he was a broke teenager. I've asked a question and you didn't respond, if you met in 20s and he was a broke man would you have found him unattractive?

Surely it’s just what adults do? Everyone cooks, cleans etc and looks after children if they have them. Especially if said children are at school all day.

I do those things whilst working full time 200 miles away from home!!!! 😂

This is a stealth post now surely - come on OP. You just want to tell us how rich you are, with the seasonal wardrobes and also the sponsoring of charities right?😂 ..... we get it. You have a home in knightsbridge JUST for clothes as well I bet. Meanwhile, i slog day and night here. Hopefully my husband also finds it attractive i can support the family... 😲

For crying out loud drop it.

Either have the humility and self awareness to understand your boast was crashingly boorish, unkind and ill judged and do some work on yourself.

Or just disappear into anonymous smugness and enjoy your rich husband and pointless life admin.

Please. Just stop.

You don’t ship your children of to day care or after school.whoopsie your empathic mask slipped there .Your very empathic am I persona is fake because you judge working mums you judge the shipping and transportation of children to day care
my children have been in nursery FT since 6mth old. They’re not shipped, although there is an element of rushing, I give you that

Youre in a precarious position.You’re financially dependent and have no ambition other than to consume and spend money you didn’t earn.

Yeh and no doubt you and @DeclutteringNewbie are the perfect humans who manage successful full time careers and have a spotless house, cook healthy food from scratch every day etc etc, but I have three little kids, work full time and struggle to hold it all together . House is always a wreck, laundry is never ending, food is often slapped together and more lazy than I would like, I struggle balancing work and childcare/ pick ups from school/ pre school. It helps if I have a cleaner. I wish I could afford more help. I think I’m a fairly normal human.

I would never personally be happy being a SAHP, but my god my life would be so much easier if I had a stay at home wife to do all my laundry, keep my house clean, pick up my kids, cook me fresh , healthy meals every day etc etc!. I’m sure it would be great for my career as well- I could really focus and achieve .

Let’s not devalue domestic work- it’s worth a hell of a lot, and it’s mostly done by women. Men all over the world hugely benefit from outsourcing this work to the women in their life- they are not being “taken for mugs”.

I look after my families children when they need it.

Whilst no doubt judging them for "shipping" their kids to you - lucky them 🙄

This strange 'trad wives' movement has done a number on some people, I fear.

God are people still at this?

Can you not see that the whole thing is designed to wind up working mums and make then look daft and insecure when they all inevitably pile in with their anecdotes about why / how / when they are working and all other random 'justifications' of nothing. Honestly, less is more. What is there to justify? When people go on about being a strong, independent woman just for the mere fact if having a job, it reads like a bad Beyoncé sketch. It's 2024 fgs, any woman can do what she wants.

I'm in a country at the moment where the family structures are more traditional. I can see there are pros and cons to this. Women still work of course - in all kinds of sectors - but women are more open minded and they certainly wouldn't be slinging mud at each other for working or not working! Nobody is slagged off for having a husband who supports them or daring to want to be with their own children. This is just basic normal stuff of life. What is there to even say? Similarly, if you work, then great. Only in Britain do women need to put other women down with pathetic snide, smug, or bitchy comments or stupid irrelevant anecdotes about their neighbour or their mother - just to make themselves feel better about working or being a SAHM.

Even worse is the ‘stay at home girlfriend’ trend on social media. At least a wife gets something when her husband trades her in for a younger model. A girlfriend gets what her ex chooses to give her - which is often nothing.

She says making pathetic snide, smug, bitchy comments to put down other women.

Do you feel better now?