To stop dating this man for this?

[Actuallyaperson]

Went on 7 really good dates with a guy. We had a really nice time and great chemistry.

Over the weekend was slept together for the first time and it was great. Admittedly, we did spend a lot of the weekend in bed, as two consenting grown-ups might do. I was definitely a very enthusiastic and consenting participant and had a good time.

The first text he sent me yesterday afternoon, however, was sex related. Not asking how my day was or what I was up to. No niceties. Just sex. We did chat about other stuff after that but it put me off.

I’ve just had another message from him this morning. No “good morning”, no formalities. Just talking about how he couldn’t wait to have sex with me again.

I was supposed to see him tonight for dinner but am short on time. We had talked about whether I might go to his place first, but I had made it clear it might not be possible.

When I reiterated today that it may just be dinner, he sent a list (A LIST!!!) of scheduling options so we could make the timing work to have sex before/after dinner.

I again reiterated that I really thought I’d only have time for dinner and he then proceeded to challenge me on why i couldn’t make the time, and why the suggestions in his “schedules” didn’t work.

Credit to him when I gave him another firm and pretty blunt “no”, he did apologise and said he was happy to wait for another time and just dinner would be lovely.

But now I really don’t want to see him for dinner either. It’s really put me off. I feel like I was a human being up to the point at which I slept with him, but now I’m just there for sex.

AIBU and over sensitive? Do I give him another chance?

Hands down pants whilst chatting? Is he a teenager?

He didn’t take it well. He told me I’d given him mixed signals because I had always said I liked sex a lot.

When I started to explain that I DO like sex a lot but I like it to be a bit more subtle and not overt all the time, he said he couldn’t be bothered with the back and forth, and to just let him know if I wanted to see him again or not.

I said no thank you, given he’d shut down my
attempts at explaining.

He is showing you who he really is. Up to you if that aligns with who you are.

That's no fun at all but least you found out and were able to end it with this man. Hope you meet somebody more compatible, and polite, next time.

You really are better off out of this situation. He sounds disrespectful and selfish.

I can understand why you wanted to give him a chance, and I'm sorry to hear that he turned out to be a wanker. I hope you've heard the last from him, but as with other situations, I doubt he'll take no easily in this one. Plus he'll probably message you wanting a shag at some future point so be prepared for that.

Ugh. He sounds awful, what a huge turn off.

Why do men think pushy sex pest behaviour is attractive.

He really sounds disgusting.
It also sounds as if you gave in to sex to shut him up.
That is coercive sex.
He is really disgusting.
So glad you dumped him.
Listen to your gut next time, it was trying to protect you.
Your instincts were good. He is awful.

I’m not sure I’d say coercive. I’m pretty ballsy and could have got up and walked away (I nearly did). I’d say I’d been looking forward to it but then felt grossed out, but saw it through for my own enjoyment. I did enjoy it but left his house immediately after as I had no desire to stick around.

This is a prime example of a man sabotaging his own chances on a fun and sexy relationship because he doesn't listen or respect boundaries. Good on you, OP!

I think if he's waited 7 dates (which, sadly, is 'long' nowadays) and then finally had great sex with a woman he likes and fancies he probably wants loads more of it. Don't you? Or are you just worried about being used?
I think the true test is how the respond to being told no rather than what they ask for. He seems ok with your no. Just keep and eye on this. I wouldn't dump him just for being sexually excited about you- as long as he sometimes is up for doing things outside of the bedroom too!

This is pretty old fashioned advice sadly in the dating app age most people have sex sooner than this

Sorry op just read your updates - you were right - trust your gut!

I feel like I would be annoyed at that point especially if you had been seeing each other for maybe a couple of months and he wasn't intune with how you felt. I would expect a bit more care and for him not so be so rushed. It sounds like what you wanted was a kiss, hug and chat before sex......not your knickers pulled off as soon as you walked in the door.

My boyfriend and I had a lot of sex when we got together quite quickly, one night we had a chat about it, we both agreed that we also enjoyed spending together not having sex and those moments strengthened our relationship more than the sex did. We still have a sex but we also have days where we just just leave it and enjoy the day for what it is.

Why do some men think that if women enjoy/ like sex that this also means we like smutty explicit innuendo 'bants'?

It's just childish & unattractive.

What a shame @Actuallyaperson I thought he had learnt, obviously not.

If I stop to say “hi” to someone i just started dating after a very long flight While tired and jet lagged out of my friggin mind I expect a cup of tea, a hug and a “how was your trip?”, the last thing in my mind is a guy sticking his hands under my top and my skirt wanting a shag as soon as I sit down. It just makes me feel like an object. Cringe.

I actually nearly gave him a second (third) chance and then I read your post and remembered how much he made me feel uncomfortable that night.

This reminds me how important it is to say 'no' to something very early in any new relationship and to take notice of their reaction.

The more trivial a thing the better, to demonstrate that no really does mean no.

Ok I take it back. This dude sounds gross tbh. And honestly I HATE when men just paw me as soon as I enter their house with little chat. And then to start chatting about sex again as soon as you mentioned feeling better.

Different strokes for different folks but this guy would make me feel like I was just his free FSSW or a vagina on legs.

That’s a no.

You think she is really so stupid she could not figure out a way to have dinner and sex if she wanted both?

I think be on your guard but try and have an open conversation about what you’re looking for. You’re both trying to work out where each other is. He may have thought thats what you wanted. Although not a great sign he didn’t take the hint straight away I must admit.,,

Ok if it’s not working for you then it’s not. And that’s all good. There will be better less sex obsessed out there.

Yep - he actually sounds awful and I don’t see anywhere that you gave mixed signals unless there is any missing content. His response to you explaining your issue and why you wanted to end things really shows all he was after tbh.

I think it’s clear he is just after sex and is not bothered by her as a whole person. Just a regular sex partner. That was obvious from the initial interaction and everything since then shows that.

ETA: please ignore me. I saw you just read the first post which I agree I could understand giving the benefit of the date. Then I saw your update!

That was actually terrible advice - because of the misogyny. I agree with waiting because it gives you time to assess a person’s true character.

But men generally know what they want with a woman and don’t place her in the “sex only” category merely because she had sex with him “early”.

(And even if he did - who wants to date a man like that?! Judging a woman negatively for the same behaviour he has engaged in!)