To stop dating this man for this?

[Actuallyaperson]

Went on 7 really good dates with a guy. We had a really nice time and great chemistry.

Over the weekend was slept together for the first time and it was great. Admittedly, we did spend a lot of the weekend in bed, as two consenting grown-ups might do. I was definitely a very enthusiastic and consenting participant and had a good time.

The first text he sent me yesterday afternoon, however, was sex related. Not asking how my day was or what I was up to. No niceties. Just sex. We did chat about other stuff after that but it put me off.

I’ve just had another message from him this morning. No “good morning”, no formalities. Just talking about how he couldn’t wait to have sex with me again.

I was supposed to see him tonight for dinner but am short on time. We had talked about whether I might go to his place first, but I had made it clear it might not be possible.

When I reiterated today that it may just be dinner, he sent a list (A LIST!!!) of scheduling options so we could make the timing work to have sex before/after dinner.

I again reiterated that I really thought I’d only have time for dinner and he then proceeded to challenge me on why i couldn’t make the time, and why the suggestions in his “schedules” didn’t work.

Credit to him when I gave him another firm and pretty blunt “no”, he did apologise and said he was happy to wait for another time and just dinner would be lovely.

But now I really don’t want to see him for dinner either. It’s really put me off. I feel like I was a human being up to the point at which I slept with him, but now I’m just there for sex.

AIBU and over sensitive? Do I give him another chance?

The guy sounds like he’s pretending to be interested in a proper date when all he wants sex. We don’t want to feel like a vagina.

Justify the inability to accept and understand no however you choose.

If someone says No, it's not then up to the other person to try and force them to sleep with them, just because they've done it all weekend.

No wonder men get away with such predatory behaviour

You seem to be glossing over the fact that she said no and he ignored that and instead are trying to make her the problem by saying its normal behaviour to want sex all the time and that he was right to do what he did when she said no.

And don't even start again with the "I'm guessing you're not into me that much" claptrap which is emotional blackmail at best

It does not matter how often you sleep with someone, if they say no, they mean no

No I wouldn't, like I said I'd lose interest pretty quickly. I'd probably suggest takeaway and bed, plenty of time for both then.

@LemonPeonies
Just wow. You're either a bloke, or an extreme outlier amongst women. There's a lot more to a relationship than sex, I strongly suspect that very, very few women would be happy with this.

I'm a woman, gave birth through my vagina thank you very much. I'm sorry you can't take a difference in opinion without resorting to such nonsense. If you're more interested in going out for dinner than having sex with a new partner then you need to find someone with the same low interest, which will be difficult and he's free to find someone just as interested as he is.

Oh and I agree there's more to a relationship but that's more long term, when you've been together a while. It's unlikely so many would have sex so low down on priorities in the first few months of dating.

@LemonPeonies

Resorting to such nonsense? There are men on this forum you know, and given your attitude, and the fact that nobody can see you, it's not unreasonable to suspect that you might be one of them. A teenage boy, going by the nature posts.

And thanks, but I've never had a problem with dating. I don't need to resort to sex to keep a man interested.

I never gave birth through my vagina (not that it matters but I’ll throw it there too as it seem to matter in this thread), usually when I start dating someone at the very beginning I’m more interested in having dinner with them and getting to know who is this stranger I’m about to embark in a relationship with than in shagging them. I need to make sure he’s not a serial killer and I’m not going to end up dead in a basement, it probably takes me 10 dates to figure that one out, call me thick.

No but you clearly have to be a woman in order to give birth was my point 🙄. They had already been on 7 dates it wasn't their first date. Its not unreasonable to be interested in sex with someone in that situation and I can't see anything wrong with suggesting making time for it when you're in the early, should be excited to see each other phase. Must be another mumsnet thing as I don't know any women in real life who would not be interested so early on.

Also claiming there's something wrong with a woman who shows an interest in sex / has a healthy sex drive is just a different level of misogyny.

I'd probably say you're just not that into him. With the handful of men I've been in love with, in the early days of attraction, I couldn't wait to shag them again. Dinner would come second🤣🤣

Exactly

1 night of saying no doesn't mean it's low on their priority.

For God's sake, stop making men pressuring women for sex as normal and acceptable!

As he has shared a list and his schedule with you, I would absolutely make it clear your basic expectations in communication e.g. don't start with sex texts and how his previous communication made you feel.

Sounds like he deserves a chance to redeem himself as you've had multiple great dates and fantastic sex.

Good luck

It's not pressuring, it's completely normal to want sex with someone you're dating! I would be very confused if my date prioritised going out for dinner when there's many other things you could do to make time. If you don't wanna rip their clothes off at that point in dating then either you're not that interested in them as a person or not particularly interested in sex in general. I would find that incredibly boring so I did suggest she could find someone else who would prefer doing other things. I'm just saying it's gonna be hard to find 🤷‍♀️

I agree with you, but I also think “the ick” is a very visceral thing we ladies get (thank goodness for our intuition), it’s something that can’t be properly rationalised, it’s just an “ick”, a turn off, it’s the universe telling ‘something is not quite right’ with this guy, and you can’t really pin point why but it’s your gut feeling talking to you, listen.

Yeah, once you have the ick you can't get rid of it I don't think.

It’s almost as if he wants you to confirm that you’re definitely going to have sex before the evening goes ahead. He’s too eager to get at you and I would find that off putting.

Yup that would give me the ick. I went on two dates with a guy I liked. On the second date he told me he could book a hotel room as it was the third date. I said no and he got really weerod. Ergh i hate dating

Anyone sending me a "list" would have been finished with.

I’m sorry but I really don’t agree. I have a very high sex drive and I’m very attracted to him. But I’ll have worked a 12 hour day at the time I see him later, and only have a couple of hours free. So yes. Dinner is absolutely my priority. The only clothes I will want to rip off tonight are my own, to put my pyjamas on!

Well I work 12 hour shifts too on my feet all day and would still prioritise sex in a new dating relationship. So we'll have to agree to disagree.

It might be normal to want sex with someone you're dating, but it's not normal to try to pressure that person into sex when they've clearly said no - twice! It's also not normal to feel like you can't meet up with someone without it having to lead to sex, just because you've had sex previously.

It's almost as if... not everyone thinks exactly the same as you do?

Guarantee that if you marry him you will be back on here in 5 years saying that he sulks when you won't have sex with him and he coerces you into sex when you don't feel like it.

Yuck. He would give me SUCH an ick.

Subtle flirting is so much more attractive than a man acting like a sex obsessed teenage boy.

I slept with my partner on the day I met him and we've lasted