To stop dating this man for this?

[Actuallyaperson]

Went on 7 really good dates with a guy. We had a really nice time and great chemistry.

Over the weekend was slept together for the first time and it was great. Admittedly, we did spend a lot of the weekend in bed, as two consenting grown-ups might do. I was definitely a very enthusiastic and consenting participant and had a good time.

The first text he sent me yesterday afternoon, however, was sex related. Not asking how my day was or what I was up to. No niceties. Just sex. We did chat about other stuff after that but it put me off.

I’ve just had another message from him this morning. No “good morning”, no formalities. Just talking about how he couldn’t wait to have sex with me again.

I was supposed to see him tonight for dinner but am short on time. We had talked about whether I might go to his place first, but I had made it clear it might not be possible.

When I reiterated today that it may just be dinner, he sent a list (A LIST!!!) of scheduling options so we could make the timing work to have sex before/after dinner.

I again reiterated that I really thought I’d only have time for dinner and he then proceeded to challenge me on why i couldn’t make the time, and why the suggestions in his “schedules” didn’t work.

Credit to him when I gave him another firm and pretty blunt “no”, he did apologise and said he was happy to wait for another time and just dinner would be lovely.

But now I really don’t want to see him for dinner either. It’s really put me off. I feel like I was a human being up to the point at which I slept with him, but now I’m just there for sex.

AIBU and over sensitive? Do I give him another chance?

There’s nothing wrong with wanting sex with the person you’re seeing (who you already had sex with) or sending sexy messages, so far it’s to be expected. This said… the OP is getting the ‘ick’, and that’s what matters, her gut feeling is telling her something is ‘not quite right’ with this dude. He may be juvenile (which he sounds), he may be a sex pest, pushy, lack boundaries, proper social skills, have a restraining order or be a porn addict, who knows! She should follow her gut instinct as it’s usually right.

Men need sex to fee loved and women need to feel loved to have sex.

You don't feel very loved.

Just let him know, he is probably over-excited and you both did send a day in bed together so it's not unreasonable of him to be.

Tell him you do not like the texts?
Why not.

He sounds really presumptuous. Like ok, we've had sex, so now I'm sending you a spreadsheet to make sure you continue to have sex with me regularly at times that suit me?
'dinner is fine, but obviously I'll want sex next time'. It's like he's doing you a favour by allowing you to eat a meal without shagging after but you'll have to make up for it?

Crikey. It's a big no from where I'm sitting. Unless you do just want a fuck buddy, but even then a fucking schedule/ spreadsheet?
Not exactly knicker moistening manoeuvres really is it?

Would you send “sexy messages” without even acknowledging the person first though? No “hello”. “How was your day”. Just straight into sexting?

Not a critique just curious as I am always interested in different approaches and I am starting to understand some of my experiences with some men in the past when I have been baffled by some of their behaviour!

This is nonsense.

Well done OP @Actuallyaperson for setting boundaries in place and not allowing them to be over stepped! At the best, you've had a good shag plus discovered he'll whinge and try to test your limits.

This.

I feel sorry for the other poster on here who has to have sex with her husband when she doesn't want to because he will get fed up if she doesn't

He had difficulty accepting No and argued the point?
A list?
Messages about sex without hello?
I would get the Ick too.

Attraction is a delicate thing and mine would be gone.
He sounds like a man-child.
Go with your gut OP.
I would cancel.

Thanks all. I did still go for dinner and I was honest with him beforehand about how I felt.

He apologised again and said he understood and he was just trying to recreate some of the mood from the weekend.

It was a really nice conversation and I’ll see him again this week.

That’s really nice. Glad you did still raise it with him and nice to see his reaction.

Subtle flirting is so much more attractive than a man acting like a sex obsessed teenage boy.
THIS!! When I met my boyfriend we were very hot and heavy BUT if I had said i only have time for dinner tonight he would have said “ of course” taken me for dinner, treated me like a queen and flirted so I would have been gagging for it anyway!
Grown up men understand this. Sex isn’t just about how much, how often etc. It has as much to do with anticipation as anything else.

Well done @Actuallyaperson

I am a firm believer that men are not mind readers and need to know if they make you feel uncomfortable and why.

Hopefully they will choose to change their behaviour, if not, then you can break it off.

Maybe he wants you to know how much he fancies you and enjoyed having sex with you? Maybe this is his way of flirting?

to be fair, even if it is the above, I would be put off by his pushiness and immaturity/ lack of respectful boundaries and roundedness.

in the early days of a relationship, yes i would like to have lots of chemistry, but i would also like messages that ask about by day, how that particular challenge I am dealing with is going, or a fun date to do something really cool together - which is a fabulously fun way to check alignment and nurture a bond. If it’s the same with you, then I would say this to him and then, do the necessary.

Tbh fact he ( you both ) waited 7dates before sleeping together would indicate to me that it's not just all about the sex

Well, it toned down for a while but it’s started back up again.

We hadn’t slept together for a while as I’d been travelling for work.

I had a couple of hours spare yesterday afternoon so popped over. Now granted, sex was clearly on the cards, but that wasn’t why I went over. Furthermore, he knew I was mega jet lagged. No sooner had I sat on his sofa but he was all
over me, hands down my top and up my skirt. Even when I repeated I was really tired.

We did have sex but I felt quite disrespected. I thought we might at least chat and catch up a bit first.

This morning he asked how the jetlag was. I said it was better and I slept well.

He said “must’ve been all the sex. Next
time you’re jet lagged you should just masturbate”.

I said it was more likely the early night and the Nytol I took. To which he replied “no, it’s definitely the orgasms. Orgasms cure jet lag better than anything”.

I stopped replying at that point.

I can’t work out if it’s the ick on my part or if he really is being disrespectful.

Either way, it’s not working for me.

How boring. I would feel brain dead with him.

@YellowphantGrey

except she didn't say 'No' to sex, she said she didn't have time for both. He suggested ways they could make time. It's not the same thing!

Take his money and gifts before you dump, for fun. Don’t give him sex again, just leave him on a promise.

Trust me, this is more fun than dating these insipid men

And as he got what he wanted from you, take what you’re owed back

I can’t work out if it’s the ick on my part or if he really is being disrespectful.

Doesn't matter, they're two sides of the same coin.

You know for certain that he's only interested in you for sex, he didn't ask about your trip, didn't take account of the jet lag, just immediately started pawing. Yuk.

In the bin!

@Actuallyaperson He said “must’ve been all the sex. Next
time you’re jet lagged you should just masturbate”.

If a guy who I’ve seen 7 times sez this to me after a long tiring flight my creep-to-meter would be ringing out loud, major “ick” and quite a turn-off. I would expect some nice comforting words regarding my trip and state of jet lag, the whole message he’s sending you is “I can’t care less about your trip or how you feel I just want to have sex”.

Ick.

He did ask about my trip. While continually sticking his hands down my pants.

I’ve just broken it off with him.

Aww 😭 should of taught him a lesson