To out-dessert my MIL

[MrsPassiveAggressive]

I’ve had an ongoing battle with my MIL over the years who doesn’t like to be upstaged, or for anyone else to get a compliment over anything.

We invite each other over for meals, and every time she undermines me. Every time she brings something that she has made, usually dessert, even when we say no need to bring anything. In the past she used to rock up with a main dish, now it’s the whole dessert with Tip Top and fruit.

The other thing is, my MIL is a dreadful cook. The reason why she is this, is because she puts no thought or love into anything. Because we once ate one of her dessert's, she now brings that every freaking time. It’s a cake. I measured it, and I kid you not, it was 1.5 cm thick.

Last time she came, she barely walked through the door and she told me there wasn’t enough to go round (other people there) and she had not made it for me, so,I wasn’t having any. She also brought other things, like nibbles, and said they weren’t for me. This is just f*cking rude. This is my house, and I’m the one doing all the work for the meal. When dessert came, my DC, being polite, had both this and the desert I’d made, and the other guests, DH’s siblings and BF’s had hers as they are too shit scared to upset her, but it’s ok to upset me, right?

Also, not trying to blow my own trumpet, but I’m a really good cook and baker. I’m asked to make cakes and desserts for other people. When I have guests over I spend a lot of time making an amazing dessert. One I made a while ago took me 4 hours to make, and it got loads of compliments.

The other thing is, if I went to my MIL’s house for lunch or dinner and I turned up with an unasked for dessert, she’d have a hissy fit. I’m just sick of her undermining me in my own home (tried in other areas of my life such as with DGC, but she failed) and others keeping quiet to keep the peace, happily letting me be upset.

I tried to say “oh thanks, we’ll have this tomorrow after dinner” but she got up and basically started serving it up. My DH knows this annoys me, so ate mine, and when she offered me the leftovers I said no thanks, I don’t want it. Before she gets here my DC tell me, oh FGS, she better not bring that cake again.

I know this is unbelievably petty, but this is the only person on the planet who brings the PA 12- year old out in me. I don’t like how I act around her, she brings out the worst in me.

So, AIBU to take her cake, and channel Nigella meets Hummingbird Bakery, and pull out a Bake Off show stopper of her cake just to put her back in her bloody box?

FYI she never takes any food to either of her DD’s houses.

Maybe when she whips out her pancake cake say

ooo thank you MIL. I’ll serve it for dessert later

and then serve it flambéd table-side with a compote of over ripe bananas for extra je ne sais quoi. Tell her its the latest thing on the interwebs. PA Flambé Desserts

@OhcantthInkofaname to be honest a lot of people find use of the word, minging... Minging.
However on this one occasion for mil, ok

A flan! 😂😂😂

Is anyone else wondering how MIL would behave if your DH was the one making the desert when you host.

What would happen if you announced you weren't making dessert as mil always brings one? Would she not bring one to spite you and then you could whip yours out?

I'm loving musical accompaniment, handles messiah, lights low and, waiters and totally different boost of energy and atmosphere.

Golden platters, gold dust - dancing waiters.
A show.
Be bothered just once op and report back.

Local artist students would do this gig.

‘Start calling hers a flan’ has killed me 🤣🤣🤣

I think you need to change tactics completely. MIL knows that you set great store by baking and, being competitive, this is encouraging her to do battle with you in the cake arena. What you have to do is channel your inner Hilary Clinton and tell MIL that you are not going to stay home and bake cookies any longer. You've decided that bakery is for surrendered housewives and you are going to take up rally driving instead. If she thinks baking has lost its sparkle for you, she'll lose interest in the baking battle. She'll be too busy reading up on rally driving and eyeing up helmets to bake cakes.

(Failing all that, you could always get Mary Berry in to declare to everyone -including MIL - that your baking is officially superior.)

When she arrives with nibbles and cakes tell you your so happy she brought her own food as you'd not made enough dinner for her and at least she won't go hungry

When she arrives could you stick it in the freezer?

when she asks where it’s gone you could say “it’s so delicious we’re saving it for a special treat, we’re freezing it so we can all enjoy is as a family just us four, as a special reminder of you! So lovely to have it to look forward too!”

and then..

”And Maureen, you’re always telling me that I can’t have this and that, so now it’s my turn! Ahahaha” put on that false full on laugh plus winky face to make it seem like a great big joke that she’s in on.

an old boss used to sling me the most awful barbed compliments with the full on fake laugh like she was soooooo funny when actually she was a bitch! I’d laugh along too, as I had no choice. Inside I was seething.

Do you have a dog? Could you blame the dog, having secretly frizzbied it away in the garden a few moments earlier.

“oh Rover, not again!”

This is how you deal with her antics.

I just went to listen to this and am now sniggering into my duvet imagining the OP twirling around the table with her cake, accompanied by her children on the trumpet, cymbals and bells 😆

If you have young kids, get them to help too so no one can refuse the cake if a child has helped with it.

^This. Or use the Calpol syringe thing but add something that’ll be less obvious than salt, to avoid suspicion. Bicarbonate of soda mixed with water - a cake ingredient that won’t harm anyone but will make it taste inedible when too much is added.

Next time she tells you there's not enough for you, so you can't have any, I'd take the cake, and say "Oh no! I can't have my guests thinking we don't have enough for everyone, so I'll just put it in here", and then put it straight in the bin in front of her. What a bitch! No wonder she brings out the worst in you.

I used to love a drop of Tip Top in a coffee, I found an empty tin of Carnation Milk in the street the other day. It was punctured with two holes one in each side of the top of the lid. That brought back memories of my Nan doing that with an old tin opener. She used it in her tea either that or Puro milk. I liked to drink that.

That would be great!!

😂 I'd support the retort when she says you can't have any, but rather than 'it's minging' I'd be PA and say 'Well there's the silver lining.' I think I've nicked that from Carrie Bradshaw.

You must TOTALLY out-cake her. I once did a four layer hazelnut meringue cake; that kind of thing would do it.

This, you sound like you really need to get a hobby well another one I think

Vienetta and Iceland Prawn Ring 😂
We had similar issues. The barbecue takeovers, bringing her own roasts, all familiar here!
BUT she loves the DC. So we started serving up ‘dessert buffet’ that they had helped make alongside mine and MIL’s contribution. Pretty difficult for guests or MIL to disappoint the kids by not partaking, and everyone serves themself so can take a bit of everything, guilt free.
Knocked the pudding politics on the head.

This would be even better if you don't have a dog...

Tip Top and fruit. Does she live in the 1970s? 😁

Apologies, had not RTFT, just seen others had suggested kids’ baking. Can absolutely confirm this works 😂

I’m picturing a pet-free OP slinging cake over next door’s fence for THEIR dog, like Sharon Osbourne with that joint of ham she flung at her neighbours!