To out-dessert my MIL

[MrsPassiveAggressive]

I’ve had an ongoing battle with my MIL over the years who doesn’t like to be upstaged, or for anyone else to get a compliment over anything.

We invite each other over for meals, and every time she undermines me. Every time she brings something that she has made, usually dessert, even when we say no need to bring anything. In the past she used to rock up with a main dish, now it’s the whole dessert with Tip Top and fruit.

The other thing is, my MIL is a dreadful cook. The reason why she is this, is because she puts no thought or love into anything. Because we once ate one of her dessert's, she now brings that every freaking time. It’s a cake. I measured it, and I kid you not, it was 1.5 cm thick.

Last time she came, she barely walked through the door and she told me there wasn’t enough to go round (other people there) and she had not made it for me, so,I wasn’t having any. She also brought other things, like nibbles, and said they weren’t for me. This is just f*cking rude. This is my house, and I’m the one doing all the work for the meal. When dessert came, my DC, being polite, had both this and the desert I’d made, and the other guests, DH’s siblings and BF’s had hers as they are too shit scared to upset her, but it’s ok to upset me, right?

Also, not trying to blow my own trumpet, but I’m a really good cook and baker. I’m asked to make cakes and desserts for other people. When I have guests over I spend a lot of time making an amazing dessert. One I made a while ago took me 4 hours to make, and it got loads of compliments.

The other thing is, if I went to my MIL’s house for lunch or dinner and I turned up with an unasked for dessert, she’d have a hissy fit. I’m just sick of her undermining me in my own home (tried in other areas of my life such as with DGC, but she failed) and others keeping quiet to keep the peace, happily letting me be upset.

I tried to say “oh thanks, we’ll have this tomorrow after dinner” but she got up and basically started serving it up. My DH knows this annoys me, so ate mine, and when she offered me the leftovers I said no thanks, I don’t want it. Before she gets here my DC tell me, oh FGS, she better not bring that cake again.

I know this is unbelievably petty, but this is the only person on the planet who brings the PA 12- year old out in me. I don’t like how I act around her, she brings out the worst in me.

So, AIBU to take her cake, and channel Nigella meets Hummingbird Bakery, and pull out a Bake Off show stopper of her cake just to put her back in her bloody box?

FYI she never takes any food to either of her DD’s houses.

It's actually hilarious to an outsider ...she's making a fool of herself

Let her bring her dreary cake...she must look so pathetic to everyone

Make the best cake you’ve ever made in your life girl! I’m talking bake off style, mopping sweat off the brow type shit. She sounds as vile as my mil and that takes some doing.

Have little boxes ready so that when she insists on cutting her cake, you can whip the portions from her, put them in the boxes on which you have written people's names in advance and say cheerfully as you give them each their box, "Here you are. This will keep till you get home. Mine will spoil if not eaten now." And produce your wonderful creation.

Oh yes! Just go for it - with bells on!! And make sure you post a picture on here too! I'd be tempted to snack her in the face with her 'dessert'!

Absolutely go for it, and accidentally knock hers off the side as you produce your masterpiece. 😂

I feel your pain OP. But sometimes you really do have to let it go. My mum was the same, think “ooh great, Pauline’s brought her lovely meringues again”.
For her 90th birthday I made a Guinness cake, but had bought the wrong cream cheese for the frosting so traipsed down my local 24 hour store late in the evening before the party. All good.
Come the party she said “I hope no one’s made a cake” and, after candles and singing, when asked if she’d like some cake she said she’d prefer a meringue.

Can you invite a third party who will be brutally honest?

I'm thinking Mozart's Requiem 🤣🤣

Verdi's Dies Irae I reckon. That'll put fire into everyone's belly.

OP make the most delicious, beautiful cake you can. When MIL's offering comes out, produce yours and cut a generous slice - just for you. Smile at MIL and say sweetly that you know she doesn't want you to have any of her cake so you've made one for yourself while everyone else has hers. Let things take their course.

At worst you just have a lovely cake while everyone else suffers, but I bet it won't end there. 'Erm...can I have some of that cake too?'

Beat me to it.

Drop it.

Knock a pint of water over it.

Then profess what a clumsy cow you are and giggle hysterically.

Add some chilli inside it. Nobody will touch her pancake cake again.

Can you do the two soups sketch but with the cake instead 😂

Just take great comfort that her food is dreadful and yours is lovely. Surely people must realise and prefer your food? She is making a complete fool of herself with her offerings.

I know your pain OP..DMIL would always bring pudding at every visit, no matter how many times we said not to.

When you love cooking, planning meals, complimentary courses, times etc, it's frustrating when someone does that.

Only she'd also bring her almost gone off fruit and veg, home cooked meals to put in the freezer for her beloved DS, half eaten who knows what, the list was endless.

Instead of focusing on hosting, I'd be trying to squeeze stuff into the freezer, decant and wash her tupperware to give back etc.

Finally said something after she did it yet again on Christmas eve when we hadn't even had enough space in the fridge for the food we already had.

Handed it all back when she left and said there was no room. she didn't do it again.

It's disrespectful, hopefully you can find a way for her to stop.

Sorry but - I feel sorry for her, especially since the "she was sitting there looking upset " comment. I also feel sorry for the family shoving down two desserts, I hope you keep plenty of Gaviscon in! I don't know what the solution is. I'd just stick both on the table and let everyone dig in - but then I'm a big coward.

If it's that thin, could you not throw it out the front door like a frisbee?! 😂

Someone mentioned Gaviscon.
How about handing round the tablets with her cake ?

I get you think you’re being funny but there’s no need for the ageism. Older women get enough shit in this world for being older without other women joining in.

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I get you think you’re being funny but there’s no need for the ageism. Older women get enough shit in this world for being older without other women joining in.

Ah, OP will find that out soon enough.
It already takes her 4 hours to make Nigella's sticky toffee pudding (with cream and ice cream, mind) so she'll be doing well if she can manage a 1.5cm cake when she's her MiL's age.

OP isn't the one making the ageist comment.
And homemade ice-cream + any cake easily takes 4h for anyone.

And homemade ice-cream + any cake easily takes 4h for anyone
It really doesn't. Unless that's counting time while the ice-cream is just sitting there, freezing.

OP isn't the one making the ageist comment.
You're right, she wasn't. I didn't mean to imply she was.

I'd make sure it was drilled into your DCs, by both yourself and DH, that they do not have to show politeness by eating the cake of someone who is so openly rude to their mother.

I'd stop making the desserts too, and just get myself an absolutely gorgeous one , knowing that I'm not going to get any of the minging one she's made 🤣 ( love that) I assume she doesn't ever eat any of yours.