To out-dessert my MIL

[MrsPassiveAggressive]

I’ve had an ongoing battle with my MIL over the years who doesn’t like to be upstaged, or for anyone else to get a compliment over anything.

We invite each other over for meals, and every time she undermines me. Every time she brings something that she has made, usually dessert, even when we say no need to bring anything. In the past she used to rock up with a main dish, now it’s the whole dessert with Tip Top and fruit.

The other thing is, my MIL is a dreadful cook. The reason why she is this, is because she puts no thought or love into anything. Because we once ate one of her dessert's, she now brings that every freaking time. It’s a cake. I measured it, and I kid you not, it was 1.5 cm thick.

Last time she came, she barely walked through the door and she told me there wasn’t enough to go round (other people there) and she had not made it for me, so,I wasn’t having any. She also brought other things, like nibbles, and said they weren’t for me. This is just f*cking rude. This is my house, and I’m the one doing all the work for the meal. When dessert came, my DC, being polite, had both this and the desert I’d made, and the other guests, DH’s siblings and BF’s had hers as they are too shit scared to upset her, but it’s ok to upset me, right?

Also, not trying to blow my own trumpet, but I’m a really good cook and baker. I’m asked to make cakes and desserts for other people. When I have guests over I spend a lot of time making an amazing dessert. One I made a while ago took me 4 hours to make, and it got loads of compliments.

The other thing is, if I went to my MIL’s house for lunch or dinner and I turned up with an unasked for dessert, she’d have a hissy fit. I’m just sick of her undermining me in my own home (tried in other areas of my life such as with DGC, but she failed) and others keeping quiet to keep the peace, happily letting me be upset.

I tried to say “oh thanks, we’ll have this tomorrow after dinner” but she got up and basically started serving it up. My DH knows this annoys me, so ate mine, and when she offered me the leftovers I said no thanks, I don’t want it. Before she gets here my DC tell me, oh FGS, she better not bring that cake again.

I know this is unbelievably petty, but this is the only person on the planet who brings the PA 12- year old out in me. I don’t like how I act around her, she brings out the worst in me.

So, AIBU to take her cake, and channel Nigella meets Hummingbird Bakery, and pull out a Bake Off show stopper of her cake just to put her back in her bloody box?

FYI she never takes any food to either of her DD’s houses.

Book a wedding cake. Three tiers, every level a different flavour. Involve sparklers.

https://www.nigella.com/recipes/sticky-toffee-pudding

I made this, and I made homemade ice cream.

Where’s mine, OP? Yes, please!

I wouldn't go to the trouble when they come over but ask her to bring dessert or the main. Then show up with a Vienetta whenever you visit hers and a random prawn ring from Iceland.

Can you bake a cake, identical in appearance, with revolting ingredients and slyly replace hers with that, throwing hers away and serve it as ‘her cake’ while sitting there saying nothing. Make sure she has the first piece!

Yes to a prawn ring! Just leave it behind the sofa near the radiator. My inlaws (mil and sil) are very unpleasant narcissistic people who openly admit they've never liked me in all the 41 years since I met dh!

Be careful adding ingredients to her cake, you might accidentally improve it.

So there she is, crowing away about her cake that resembles a whoopie cushion that has been dragged off the fire, you just think to yourself ‘there’s only one master dessert maker in this house you old bitch!’ Then you apply your Debbie Reynolds style cherry red lipstick, good for making an entrance to show withered old broads you mean business, and you plonk your gorgeous desert down. You declare that your desert is only for the indulgence of those who have not been chosen to eat the MILs ‘cake’, remember none for husband or any of those cowards, just you and other allies of you. They want to eat that shit, then they take their medicine!

Oh my this thread needs to go in classics, I’m wetting myself 😂😂😂 too many fab posts to quote but some ace suggestions.

There's lots that you can do, but shouldn't her son be taking this on board?

How can he sit back and let this farce continue?

https://www.jackyfleming.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/couldnt_be_bothered.png

Yes this I good! Show up with some random stuff at hers.
"MIL, I thought I'd bring something special to dinner—straight from the frozen section! Since you always surprise us, I wanted to keep the tradition going. I hope it will be as unforgettable as your cake"

Oh I would make a spectacular desert every time so it overshadows her fucking cake lol I know it's incredibly petty and people always say to ignore it and be the bigger person and in some situations I agree. The worst that is gonna happen is you end up with a delicious desert every time so it's a win win lol

This is how I think you should do it -

MIL: I’ve brought my cake’

You: (as if it’s slipped out) ‘Oh gosh AGAIN? The same one? The thin one?’

MIL: ‘What?!’

You: ‘Oh! That’s lovely. Don’t worry about it, we don’t mind at all. I mean, I’m sure they will love to have some! Haha!’

MIL: ‘You can’t have any bcs I secretly hate you’

You: ‘No that’s great. I’ve made a Triple Sachertorte with a crème anglaise with mascarpone and Frangelico syllabub so I’m looking forward to that so DON’T YOU WORRY!’

😂😂😂

@cookiebee😂 🙏 thank you

She sounds like a terrible pain the arse. Sorry that you have that to deal with.

I hate that situation where you know the other person is a petty PA nightmare and you don't want to be like that, but you just can't help their pettiness making you petty too.

But since that's how it is, I think you have to go the whole way. I'm imagining a massive showstopper dessert on a golden platter. When you bring it out play Handel's Messiah. Pay besuited waiters to come in and blow strawberry-flavoured vapour in MIL's face. When you cut into the dessert, release balloons and doves. Taste your dessert and immediately faint onto a chaise longue from pure rapture. Etc.

Or get the pie face game out.😂😂😂

Stop cooking for her!!! Get your dh to cook from now on then leave them to it.

This is exactly what I've done. competitive MIL now has to do it. She's made a rod for her own back now and she has to do the cooking. And my lot eat it with long faces. She's their grandma/mother and they have to respect her.

I eat beforehand.

Then I send a thank you message.

And I cook for those who deserve it and appreciate it.

Don't waste your 4 hours. Have a bubble bath instead.

Next time you're organising a dinner get your husband to do it on speakerphone....

Wander off for a bit.... Wait until he invites her. Go over and stage whisper as if you don't know she's on speaker " tell your mother not to bring that fucking god-awful cake. Everyone hates it..... Oh Rita..... Sorry didn't realise you were on speaker there

..... Nice weather we're having this week"

Should work....

Then organise a pudding buffet!

This. I mean, it sounds like a subplot from the dopier kind of sitcom, all this stalking around performing oneupmanship with rival desserts.

Oh my god this is hilarious! Next time she shows you what she’s brought round just start laughing… and don’t stop as you carry it through to the kitchen. What a nasty piece of work.