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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To out-dessert my MIL

247 replies

MrsPassiveAggressive · 30/08/2024 18:48

I’ve had an ongoing battle with my MIL over the years who doesn’t like to be upstaged, or for anyone else to get a compliment over anything.

We invite each other over for meals, and every time she undermines me. Every time she brings something that she has made, usually dessert, even when we say no need to bring anything. In the past she used to rock up with a main dish, now it’s the whole dessert with Tip Top and fruit.

The other thing is, my MIL is a dreadful cook. The reason why she is this, is because she puts no thought or love into anything. Because we once ate one of her dessert's, she now brings that every freaking time. It’s a cake. I measured it, and I kid you not, it was 1.5 cm thick.

Last time she came, she barely walked through the door and she told me there wasn’t enough to go round (other people there) and she had not made it for me, so,I wasn’t having any. She also brought other things, like nibbles, and said they weren’t for me. This is just f*cking rude. This is my house, and I’m the one doing all the work for the meal. When dessert came, my DC, being polite, had both this and the desert I’d made, and the other guests, DH’s siblings and BF’s had hers as they are too shit scared to upset her, but it’s ok to upset me, right?

Also, not trying to blow my own trumpet, but I’m a really good cook and baker. I’m asked to make cakes and desserts for other people. When I have guests over I spend a lot of time making an amazing dessert. One I made a while ago took me 4 hours to make, and it got loads of compliments.

The other thing is, if I went to my MIL’s house for lunch or dinner and I turned up with an unasked for dessert, she’d have a hissy fit. I’m just sick of her undermining me in my own home (tried in other areas of my life such as with DGC, but she failed) and others keeping quiet to keep the peace, happily letting me be upset.

I tried to say “oh thanks, we’ll have this tomorrow after dinner” but she got up and basically started serving it up. My DH knows this annoys me, so ate mine, and when she offered me the leftovers I said no thanks, I don’t want it. Before she gets here my DC tell me, oh FGS, she better not bring that cake again.

I know this is unbelievably petty, but this is the only person on the planet who brings the PA 12- year old out in me. I don’t like how I act around her, she brings out the worst in me.

So, AIBU to take her cake, and channel Nigella meets Hummingbird Bakery, and pull out a Bake Off show stopper of her cake just to put her back in her bloody box?

FYI she never takes any food to either of her DD’s houses.

OP posts:
newaccountoldlurker · 30/08/2024 23:53

Pineapplesandthegovernmentandpunkrock · 30/08/2024 19:25

When she brings her cake, say thank you, the birds will love it, and frisby the fucker into the garden.

I laughed far too hard at this

seven201 · 30/08/2024 23:58

Is the "it's not for you" thing just because you've told her not to bring anything? So she thinks she's getting round the rules.

Calpol syringe - oil. It will go all claggy but could definitely be blamed on poor baking skills.

I'm picturing it as a round flat chocolate cake for some reason. Really dry.

StaunchMomma · 31/08/2024 00:17

My vote is to take it off her as soon as she arrives, scoot her away from the kitchen, drop it on the floor and blame the dog/cat/a slippy floor then loudly claim, 'No need to worry, I whipped up a cake earlier' and bring out a 6 tier extravaganza, with a different coloured sponge for each layer, a carved out middle full of chocolates and sweets, ombre icing and topped with chocolate shards, hand made icing flowers sparklers!

Everyone will go 'Ooooooooooh' and drool and she will crumble!

caringcarer · 31/08/2024 00:44

Could you accidentally knock her cake on the floor as you brush past?

Bollihobs · 31/08/2024 00:58

Truthlikeness · 30/08/2024 18:50

I'd just trip when she hands you hers

😂😂😂👏

reallyworriedjobhunter · 31/08/2024 01:06

I'd let my cat have a go and then have to bin it. Or say the house elf magicked it onto the floor. Oops.

Wallywobbles · 31/08/2024 06:44

Can't you just say great. We will save yours for tea/tomorrow/the ducks in the park?

Serriadh · 31/08/2024 08:10

You need to help DH and his siblings find a spine. So when dearest MIL brings her cake, gush endlessly about how much they love it. Serve it to them. Then, oh sorry, hope it’s ok, but kids requested croquembouche this time! You know the little pleading thing they do with their eyes! I couldn’t resist. But we’ll have that, and the others can have your delicious cake.

Serve you and your kids the Bake Off Showstopper. Everyone else gets MIL cake. Because it’s their favourite!

When you eat at hers, cry if the dessert isn’t MIL Flan. Ask why she didn’t make it, it’s everyone’s FAVOURITE. When you eat at her daughters’ houses, when they serve the pudding, express shock and hurt that MIL hasn’t bought her famous cake!? You were looking forward to it?

MrsPassiveAggressive · 31/08/2024 09:33

This is not the cake, but this is the closest I can get to what she brings over, about 1.5cm thick. I measured it.

OP posts:
MrsPassiveAggressive · 31/08/2024 09:36

This

To out-dessert my MIL
OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 31/08/2024 09:44

You've missed off the Tip-Top - surely the best bit?

Beachumbrella · 31/08/2024 10:17

It might be worth trying eating out a few times. I wonder if she'll find a way to make that weird too!

TortillasAndSalsa · 31/08/2024 10:23

MrsPassiveAggressive · 31/08/2024 09:36

This

Looks err lovely... 🤮😂😂 Sorry but no chance id be eating that id be too full from a big dinner 🙈😂 I'm definitely team @MrsPassiveAggressive for puddings 🎉

grumpygrape · 31/08/2024 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the poster's request

Or the frisbee?

OhmygodDont · 31/08/2024 10:33

Just give critical feedback. Ah mil lovely that it’s a little fluffier this time. Maybe next time the base will be nice and rounded off. Oh no but crisp on the edges. Here look this is how to stop that happening. Yeah I used to have problems with the middles sinking but now I do this..

Killing her with helpful advise 🤣

BrainWontWorkAnymore · 31/08/2024 12:08

What about just leave it on your plate uneaten or make individual crème brûlée for everyone ( autocorrect actually add the accents, not me! ). If you leave it uneaten then when she challenges you point out you asked for no dishes and as you had been ignored you were having yours later.

Another option, have lots of toppings, fresh fruit, cream, ice cream for everyone to stick on top.

Personally I'd buy her a place on a cake making course for Christmas.

BrainWontWorkAnymore · 31/08/2024 12:12

Pineapplesandthegovernmentandpunkrock · 30/08/2024 20:24

If any crows are involved, they will never forgive her. It will be a lifetime of dive bombing, and they will tell their children who will tell their children. OP needs to send the MIL into the garden after the cake to make a big hoo-ha, just so the birds clock her face as "the enemy".

Oh god, did the OP from the crow thread ever return? She'd upset them so they started dive bombing her on the dog walk - she went out, promised to update us then silence

Mountainpika · 31/08/2024 12:31

Next time she brings something, shove it straight in the freezer, as cold as possible, so it's too solid to do anything with other than a hammer and chisel by the time she wants you to eat it. If she really protests, you could defrost it in the microwave for about 20 minutes so it's burned even more solid.

MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips · 31/08/2024 13:05

BrainWontWorkAnymore · 31/08/2024 12:12

Oh god, did the OP from the crow thread ever return? She'd upset them so they started dive bombing her on the dog walk - she went out, promised to update us then silence

Clearly she's toast. The crows got her.

KerryBlues · 31/08/2024 16:16

MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips · 31/08/2024 13:05

Clearly she's toast. The crows got her.

How did she manage to upset a while posse of crows, what on earth did she do??

wadeinthewater · 31/08/2024 16:26

If you know that yours is better I'd just let her carry on and absolutely out dessert her every time.

Cherrysoup · 31/08/2024 16:49

Get Dh to speak to her, she’s well rude! This would drive me nuts!

PotatoLove · 31/08/2024 18:23

I'm cracking up at the "trip and drop it" comments 🤣🤣🤣

VickyPollard25 · 31/08/2024 18:39

Icedlatteofdreams · 30/08/2024 18:51

It's petty but yes I would! It would be the grandest, most delicious 3 tier cake there has ever been and everyone would gasp in awe whilst MIL had a hissy fit in the background.

YANBU

Put sparklers in it and have everyone stand around while light them 😂

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