My DP is mad at me for quitting my job because of how it will reflect on him

[Sandywoes]

NC for this.

I work 2 jobs. A FT+ job I really enjoy and a PT job for 12 hours a week since June to bring me in some extra money. The PT job is for a public sector large organisation which my DP also works for, but in a completely different sector. He's only worked there a couple of years but he's done really well and recently got promoted.

The PT job has been shite, it's intense work for minimum wage but I've just tried to keep my head down, let things slide and get on with it because it tops up my wages from my FT job.

On Friday however, there was an incident at PT job where I made a very minor mistake and 2 male colleagues just laid in to me about it. I was apologising and trying to diffuse the situation but they just carried on and on. Aggressive and swearing. Fortunately break time was called and I went to the toilets and cried. I felt really shaken and that they'd acted really disproportionately. Both of my supervisors came in to speak to me and I said unfortunately I would be going home because I wasn't used to being spoken to like that. They were both very nice about it, I was nice to them, I was just upset.

I was due to go back last night and getting increasingly more anxious to the point I was feeling really nauseous about going back. I called my DP and explained how I felt and said that I wanted to just hand my notice in, I'd not been enjoying it anyway, there had been other instances but this one felt different. He was concerned about how it would reflect on him. This really upset me so we said bye etc.

I drove to the PT job but I just couldn't face going in. I wrote out my notice and statement of what happened on Friday (they'd asked me to) and emailed it in to my manager.

I went home and DP was out collecting the children. When he got home he was really mad at me. At this point I felt really frazzled and upset and I just wanted to go to bed but he wanted to talk about it. He's upset at me for doing so. I explained that I will find another PT job which he doesn't need to worry about anyway because it will not affect him. I was upset because I felt he didn't have my back with what happened and that he was more upset about my leaving would reflect on him rather than how I'd been made to feel at work. He then said I should have just gone off sick with stress and got paid a while.i don't want to do that! It just drags it out I just want to move on to something new.

I'm hormonal and emotional so please help me understand, have I been unreasonable?

This is so sad to read.
Can you talk to anyone in real life? A friend or family?
I can't imagine how exhausted you must be working part time on top of a full time job, with a family.

Yes. His cash cow is going to be a bit short for a while

You need to leave OP. This isn't just about you. If you did not have DC then fair enough, be a dogsbody to man that does not care for or respect you but you are modelling an abusive relationship to your DC and that is not OK. Financially, you will be better off single.

Is this really the sort of man you want to be with? Someone who doesn't care if 2 men scream at you at work and is only worried about how he looks and how much money he gets to keep!

And who will watch you work two jobs to cover a disproportionate amount of household costs when he could afford to pay more. And made you pay 50% while you were on maternity leave after having his kids. He’s an arse and you’d be better off on your own cos let’s face it, you’re on your own now - he doesn’t have your back.

Your partner is abusive. And a cunt.

LOL

Why should you be penalised for working less??

He's awful

Look at options (inc entitlements) now

You can't let him treat you this way

Please, why you are living with a man and having kids without marriage.

What would your partner do if you couldn't work?

I can't. I developed a neurological condition which makes work difficult. I do not look or sound disabled but work would be very tough for me.

My DH pays for everything. No issues. We have a joint account where all his income goes. If I need something, I just buy. I do not need to ask permission or check with him first. It's all FAMILY money because we are a unit, a family.

What would your partner do if that happened to you?

Yes she did

This is so so sad. He is beyond selfish. What would happen If you were unwell and couldn’t work? How does he fucking look at himself in the mirror knowing you work two jobs because he sticks money up his arse and does share family resources.

I think you're missing the point

Question for your DP…
hypothetical - you win £100k on a scratch card - would he expect it to be spent for the families benefit or would you keep it all to yourself ?

What's stopping you leaving him? He doesn't respect you. Are household chores shared 50/50?

You can't fathom it huh. All those people out there who don't earn enough to cover their bills can just get better paying jobs, the cost of living crisis is solved, why did none of those people struggling think about that.

everyoen does things differently but the majority of married people that I know have joint accounts and pool all resources. You are supplement his savings!!!! He saves because you pay half his expenses. Omg he is such a dick !
never mind not supporting you in your hour or need. I hope you make an official complaint about the two arses for shouting at you.
What would happen if you lost your ft job and couldn’t contribute??

I would also look at the fact based on his income you don’t get child benefit, any help with childcare so yes it is disproportionate and you are peanalised for his high earnings ..

I would ask him how he thinks it reflects on him you have to work f/t taking time away from your children .

I think your example of the hen do just shows he doesn’t care ..

i think you know this stuff but it’s hard when you are in it to see a way out .

The problem is your DH - and him expecting a 50/50 split of finances when he earns a lot more. No wonder you're stressed and exhausted.

Edited - you aren't married. The good news is that it will be easier to extricate yourself from this man when the time comes. For your sake, I hope that is soon.

He won't marry you, he financially abuses you (and has always done so, even during maternity leave) and he doesn't care at all about you being badly treated at work.

Wake up and smell the coffee OP! You deserve far better than this!

@Sandywoes is he doing 50% of all the childcare, cooking, cleaning etc...?

(As you work more hours than him he should be doing the majority of this)

Please go on to a benefits calculator and find out how much you'd get if you were a single parent.
The equity in your house - would it be enough for a 25% share in a shared ownership property? You can buy a share outright and universal credit can help cover the rent part of you are entitled to help. They will also help pay 85% of childcare. I guarantee you will be financially better off on your own than you are right now.
You only get one life, you will never have the chance to relive it, so make sure you live it happy and don't look back with regrets of staying and being miserable. It's just not worth it

What a dick. My dh earns 5x more than me and he pays 5x more to the expenses. He's never thrown it in my face either. He did get a bit 'the big i am' when I went on mat leave I told him to make sure it never happened again

My OH is like this - we split bills 50/50, I struggled for a good few years, working 2 jobs, he could afford to go out and i couldn't, etc. until I got a better job and now he moans I earn more than him - still both paying 50/50 so karma i guess on my part ( it didn't bother me because I am stubborn about be independent and not have to rely on a man). Sometimes its just the way people live.

On the other hand - have you made a formal complaint about the 2 guys who verbally abused you at work?? That was not on and they should receive some sort of disciplinary and you should receive some sort of apology.

He's going away with the boys again soon for a long weekend abroad. I couldn't even afford to go on my friends hen do at a heavily discounted rate because someone else dropped out.

He's a horrible person OP. Genuinely, what a prick.

Do you think he is fundamentally a kind person? It doesn't sound like he possibly can be.

Interested to know the answer to this too...

If he cared for you he wouldn’t be watching you do a full time plus a part time job plus no doubt running yourself ragged with the kids while he saves. You can do better!