To be worried about future with older partner who has no private pension?

[powerwashingqueen]

I'm early 40s, he's mid-50s, been together 15 years. Not married, no kids and no plans to have them.

He doesn't talk much about finances. We pay for the house and bills proportionately based on annual income, so it's around 70% me, 30% him, which leaves us with similar 'spare' money.

I've found out today that he has no private pension or retirement plan whatsoever, and it's made me feel really anxious. I've asked him how he plans on funding himself when he retires on, what I'm assuming will be, just the bog standard pension. He just kind of shrugged and said I'll still be earning for another 15 years after he retires.

I have a very healthy pension pot, which I've paid into since starting work aged 21.

I had to take myself away to the study and told him to leave me alone for a bit. It sounds as though he's just expecting me to continue to work and pay for everything. Yes, I am younger and will be working for longer, but I don't think that means I should just stump up for everything, especially when I already pay so much more.

AIBU to be pissed off about this?

I don't even know what options he has available at this stage in his life.

I'm in a similar position to him, having been a bad financial planner who was a SAHP and then in badly-paid jobs until I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid forties. My plan is to work for as long as I possibly can and then make do with the state pension and a teeny tiny private pension.

Definitely overdue for a frank discussion.

I'd feel so taken advantage of.

That seems fair.
Just out of interest, I wonder if posters would be anti your situation if it was the woman who was in partner's situation (ie situation reversed)? Just a thought

Sorry OP but how can you be together 15 years and not know this? I honestly don't understand!

What would bother me is that it seems he has practiced a deception on the OP. Leading her to believe he had made some pension provision for 15yrs…

Its different if you know the score going in and know why they haven’t saved and have planned openly and honestly together for retirement.

He does have a pension plan - it’s you.

This surely can’t be a surprise to you?

The man is working part time and leeching off you while he ‘contributes’ 30% towards the household.

He plans to retire with no income for several years until his state pension kicks in, whilst you further subsidise him.

In fairness, now you’ve asked him about this he’s made no attempt to hide it “He just kind of shrugged and said I'll still be earning for another 15 years after he retires”.

He’s relying on you to support him for at least 15 years after he retires. He’s told you this outright. He couldn’t have been clearer.

What you now do with that information is entirely up to you.

How did you stay together for so long when money obviously is so important to you without bringing this up? You either want to be with him or not.

You need to have the conversation, if his retirement finances is based on a share of his parents' house he could have a shock if it turns out to be minimal for whatever reason.

Pity you did not discuss this years ago, however better now than not at all.

He can’t retire at 62- that will leave you working for another 20years while he doesn’t. And he’ll have nothing to contribute to the household.

I’d be telling him that you have very different retirement plans, so it isn’t going to work. You’re intending to retire 20 years after him and then have a damn good time on the money you’ve earned.

By which time he’ll be 82 and unable to keep up either physically or financially.

Why is housework split 50/50 if he works part time and you FT?

Do NOT marry him.

Hmm, two things:

I pay 70% and he pays 30%

And

He just kind of shrugged and said I'll still be earning for another 15 years after he retires

He's taking you for a fool op.

I’m the low paying partner with health issues in our house. But I won’t be retiring before him, I have raised the kids and worked and been the main person for household stuff.

I’ve also worked hard at saving, which is equally important.

I work long hours in a difficult role and I'm proud of the job I do. He just sees work as a means to an end

^

Dont tell me you're an accountant

None of that applies to him.

lol why should OP retire after him just because she is younger? She has her shit together, if she were planning on retiring at 50 and that’s why she has been saving a pension forever, then she should not sacrifice her early retirement to support his non planning deceiving freeloading ass.

So he may well be working years after she retires until he can afford to retire, which looks like state pension age for him!

I would say get him to start a sipp.
You can pay into it up to 40k or up to wages if lower.
So let him pay as much as possible into there for a few years (ie dont make him pay the 30%.)
With the tsx 25% if say he paid in 20k that would be 25k. So even just 4 years of this might be 100k by retirement. Only about £4k per year pension but better than nothing.

It isn’t unusual to have differing salaries in a couple. The question is whether you love him and want to stay together so you are happy to support him financially. Although I would say if he’s part time I’d expect him to be doing more domestically.

But he’s over ten years older, and she’s said she’s planning on working til 67! She’ll be working 15-20 years longer than him.

So there's going to be 20 years where you are working full time and he's not working at all?!

Is he dynamite in bed or something??

This would really put me off him and make me question the relationship. Sounds like he's either planning on relying on you or his inheritance to sort him out. Why hasn't he paid into a pension? Or has he done so and taken it out already?

Also surprised that you hadn't had more in depth chats about this after being together for so long. But I agree with others... what does he bring to the relationship... are you happy to have someone potentially sponging off you?

Good point.

I think her plan of working to 67 may be because she feels she will have to if she is to earn enough to support two.

Hi, I’m 9.5years younger than my DH, and we have a disparity in our income but not as much as you. However, we split everything 50:50 at the moment, and are making plans to retire at the same time. This means he has to work for a bit longer and I have to stay in my high pressured sales job for a bit longer than planned, as the bonuses will help with paying down the mortgage and our pensions.

He may go part-time if he needs to and in the last few years, he has prioritised better paying jobs (he is self employed) and upping his pension payments.

The age gap doesn’t matter I don’t think, as long as you work together on your plan on the future. Maybe he hasn’t realised the unfairness of the position and a chat will help him understand this and realise that he needs to work on a plan with you and not take you for granted.

We just realised that it wasn’t going to work long term if we both didn’t compromise on what we thought should happen. Obviously life and health may change this, but we have some sort of plan.

he does have a pension plan, it is YOU

he said it himself (;quoting you) “He just kind of shrugged and said I'll still be earning for another 15 years after he retires.”

Do you want to be his pension plan?

It even has name, men who do this, it’s called finding a nurse with a purse