To be worried about future with older partner who has no private pension?

[powerwashingqueen]

I'm early 40s, he's mid-50s, been together 15 years. Not married, no kids and no plans to have them.

He doesn't talk much about finances. We pay for the house and bills proportionately based on annual income, so it's around 70% me, 30% him, which leaves us with similar 'spare' money.

I've found out today that he has no private pension or retirement plan whatsoever, and it's made me feel really anxious. I've asked him how he plans on funding himself when he retires on, what I'm assuming will be, just the bog standard pension. He just kind of shrugged and said I'll still be earning for another 15 years after he retires.

I have a very healthy pension pot, which I've paid into since starting work aged 21.

I had to take myself away to the study and told him to leave me alone for a bit. It sounds as though he's just expecting me to continue to work and pay for everything. Yes, I am younger and will be working for longer, but I don't think that means I should just stump up for everything, especially when I already pay so much more.

AIBU to be pissed off about this?

I don't even know what options he has available at this stage in his life.

Kindly meant OP but he didn't half see you coming, his workhorse funding his retirement.🙄
Unbelievable.
Nearly 15 years older than you.
My bags would be packed, house up for sale if necessary.
No way would I be so blatantly used as a retirement package.
At least he told you straight.
YOU are his retirement plan,
working part-time till he fully packs it in.
What a life.
Really unbelievable.

What do you mean by private pension? Does he have a workplace pension?

You’re his pension plan! I would not be happy with this at all!

Ok let's reverse this....a woman working part-time in her mid 50s with ill heath is living with a 40 year old man who's working FT. He's earning more and paying the majority of the bills and mortgage. He does half the housework/admin. They have no children together.
If I was that woman I'd be wondering what on earth he saw in me and thinking he could leave at any point!
You never see that scenario though.
Its normally that the woman pays less because they've had dc and she's done most of the childcare and taken a backseat in her career, OR she's younger, isn't career orientated and likes taking care of the house and her husband is happy to financially support her because he gets a home run and youth on his arm (outdated and sexist imo but you still see examples of this).

In 2013. auto-enrolment into a pension was compulsory for employees .Either he’s self employed or he has opted out of pension.

no advice for you, but you have every right to be pissed off

I don't know. When did we reduce a person's value to the amount of money they have?

I'm not necessarily stable in terms of finances. I earn good money but I don't own property and my pension i've buried my head in the sand about that. My partner is a lot more stable than me and owns a home outright with no mortgage which means he's able to save and put more in a pension.

If I ever found out he was questioning my value or worth as a partner based on how much money I had well quite frankly he could go and fuck himself.

@powerwashingqueen

The first thing I'd be telling him is that he's going to have to keep working and also either work more hours or get a better paying job in order to fund his retirement as he will be expected to pay for half the household expenses, starting now. I'd tell him that you intend on retiring as soon as you're eligible. That you are funding your retirement to be sure you can meet your half of the expenses and have no intention of subsidizing his half. Nor will you 'keep working' after you could retire to keep him afloat.

That is of course, unless you end up telling him that the relationship is over. Because I fully expect that he is going to be gobsmacked at the fact that he needs to be self supporting. It will probably be followed up by muttered comments about 'golddiggers' and 'being taken advantage of'. Throw in a few "But at my age I can't be expected to....." and you'll have the complete 'Cocklodger's Lament'.

As a minimum you need to find out if he has paid enough NI to qualify for basic state pension.

Agree entirely with this

You’ve never had even a vague discussion with your partner about retirement plans, travel, hobbies, how you’ll spend your time and had a think or chat about how much money you’ll both need to fulfill those plans?

Strange.

Maybe he’s not planning on spending his retirement with you and it suits him that you’ve “buried my head in the sand” 🤷‍♀️

This!

How have you been together for 15 years and you have never talked about this?

The issue with the inheritance is that aside from the fact he can’t count on it, even if he does get it Op wouldn’t be entitled to any of it as they’re not married. Seems a bit of a risky situation.

And no I’m not saying they should necessarily get married but just pointing it out that after subsidising him for so long he could just run off into the distance in 5-10 years with his inheritance seen as his parents are 80 already 😬

I suspect OP is actually only his Plan B but his inheritance is his Plan A.

Has he paid enough NI contributions to be entitled to the max state pension?

Seems to me that it's the partner who is valuing the OP on the amount of her money and not vice versa since he is expecting her to keep working to fund his life and retirement.

Are you expecting your well earning partner to support you (fully or partially) in your retirement because you're sticking your head in the sand and not making your own financial plans? And if he were to sit you down and say you needed to make better financial plans for your retirement, you'd tell him to fuck off?

It has nothing to do with 'valuing' someone for what they have in the bank. It's about wanting them to have their own money and a secure retirement.

If he hasn't made enough state pension credits to receive the state pension, he will get pension credit top-ups.

Inheritance is not guaranteed, but chances are he WILL inherit massively from parents. Most do not go into a home and decimate their assets.

I don't think he has behaved outrageously. Not everyone can afford to put into, or cares about a private pension, but I can understand you are shocked, OP, that you were not on the same page.

If you intend to stay with him, his "spare money" must be invested, or at least saved in a high interest account, he also needs to find full time work, and save more from his wages.

Well, he’s going to have to split any inheritance (after care home fees of approx £85k/year per parent) with his sibling.

I can't believe you haven't talked about this before and planned your financial future.

@powerwashingqueen it’s pretty clear that he wants to continue the current setup…you both get equal spending money after the finances are pooled and bills are paid. If he qualifies for full state pension (aren’t NC contributions optional if you’re self employed / is someone who doesn’t invest in a private pension even likely to make voluntary contributions?), he’ll get maybe £720/month. In order to get equal spending money after bills are paid, what will your monthly contribution be? And will you be happy slogging for 15 years while he’s retired / enjoying his bills being subsidised by you?

I am quite surprised about this thread!

When woman is lower earner everyone is asking why they are not having shared finances and expecting man to fork out.

If there is not a problem for a man to provide for a woman if he finds her cute/sexy, why is it problematic for woman to pay for fun and attractive bloke?

It's not about your value. At any point you could split up and as you're not married you have no claim on his home, pension or savings. It's in your own interests to plan for your future as things can change very quickly.

Yeah it’s unusual but I think it’s particularly surprising he hasn’t mentioned it considering he’s significantly older and very close to the age he aims to retire.

People often paint the idea of financial security and maturity being a key benefit of relationships with older men. Clearly not in this case.

He was 40 and OP was mid 20s when they got together by the sounds of it. I wouldn’t have looked at a man that age when I was in my 20s but if I did I’d at least expect him to have his stuff together financially.

OP is there any particular reason you chose not to get married to him ?

But how would he be expecting to pay half? He only pays 30% now, and won’t be expecting to increase to 50% as a pensioner!

So you earn well but spend your money on whatever you fancy and don't bother to save any for retirement. Meanwhile your partner has sensibly saved for the future. Do you expect him to subsidise your old age?

Can't you see it's nothing to do with how much money you have and everything to do with your attitude?

In the OP: contributing in proportion to income so they both have the same amount of money is very fair. However what isn't fair is the expectation that the OP will pay 100% of the costs of the partner's retirement, for no particular reason other than he doesn't want to pay his own way