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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Abroad....Should have stayed at home

162 replies

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:42

Just that really. Here in Gran Canaries with husband and teenage son (15). Husband is happy sitting in the shade reading his book. Teenage son is complaining he wants to be at home and I'm really fed up. I'm such a people person and love getting a bit dressed up in the evenings. So far, every evening we've been back in the room by 8pm (after my evening walk on my own as Husband and son want to chill out in the room on their phones etc). Am I right here in feeling peed off. For context this isn't the first year this has happened but I think this is the year I've really had enough. WWYD not now but in the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:04

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:00

And stop having dinner at 6pm that's for toddlers and babies. Feed ds if he's moaning and leave him in the room and go for dinner yourselves at somewhere a bit posh . Use the time to get back in touch with each other. If dh won't I think that tells you a lot sadly. Wish I was there I would go out with you OP😘

Aah @spanieleyes22 thank you. True. He isn't bothered about connecting, maybe neither of us are. Sad absolutely and probably paints a bigger picture as to where things are.

OP posts:
Portfun24 · 09/08/2024 20:05

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:56

@Portfun24 yes he is and there are some marital stuff going on there. I think I'll do what some have suggested go for dinner later not by their choice at 6pm and make my own evening entertainment.

Show quote history

Yeah I couldn't live like that and it sounds like you are struggling with it too. In a couple of years your son won't be coming away with you and itl just be you and him and you deserve to be with someone who has as much drive and passion to enjoy themselves as you obviously do.

Next year I'd see if there's a friend your son can bring, my daughters both brought friends and 15 year old is next year, their parents paid their flight and a share of their room or whatever. Made them have a much better time and your son will be more inclined to go out in the evenings, then maybe you can just leave your DH in the room.

I'd stay at the pool till later and go up have a nap when they go for dinner for an hour, then get ready and head out later on for dinner. Find a nice bar you like the look of and stick to it, when we were away last week we ended up in the same bar at the end of each night as it had different tribute bands, pool table etc for the kids and spoke to a young woman in her early 30s who'd come away herself and admired her.

Oldmember · 09/08/2024 20:13

Yes had the same NYC. Went with DH for the first time and we were back in hotel by 6pm! He went sleep soon after as his folks old him, it’s dangerous to go outside after 6pm..
happens everywhere with him..

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:13

Are you in the room now. Poor you. It's more lonely being on holiday with people who don't want to enjoy it than on your own where at least you can do what you want. Go out for a walk and a drink . Pretend you're in a movie. I do this if I'm alone lol which I usually am now dc are older. You might catch someone's eye you never know. You deserve a bit of excitement. Maybe do some sightseeing on your own. Head off early. Or to the beach with a book. Feck them

Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:15

Oldmember · 09/08/2024 20:13

Yes had the same NYC. Went with DH for the first time and we were back in hotel by 6pm! He went sleep soon after as his folks old him, it’s dangerous to go outside after 6pm..
happens everywhere with him..

Oh goodness. How do you manage? is he usually a bit boring?

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:17

Oldmember · 09/08/2024 20:13

Yes had the same NYC. Went with DH for the first time and we were back in hotel by 6pm! He went sleep soon after as his folks old him, it’s dangerous to go outside after 6pm..
happens everywhere with him..

Wow what a waste!

Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:18

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:13

Are you in the room now. Poor you. It's more lonely being on holiday with people who don't want to enjoy it than on your own where at least you can do what you want. Go out for a walk and a drink . Pretend you're in a movie. I do this if I'm alone lol which I usually am now dc are older. You might catch someone's eye you never know. You deserve a bit of excitement. Maybe do some sightseeing on your own. Head off early. Or to the beach with a book. Feck them

Hehe! Thank you. You've cheered me up.I will make a plan to do this tomorrow and for the rest of my holiday (fortunately only here for a week), and then I think I need to start asking myself some bigger questions here. Difficult as I feel awfully selfish thinking of my own needs generally speaking but I think I'm going to have to start somewhere.

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:21

Remember Shirley valentine! That you tomorrow except your ungrateful husband is in the hotel room 🤣

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:22

Yes def use the free time to have a good old think. Ds will be gone soon . Can you see a life just you and dh . Make some lists. Pros and cons!!!!

Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:24

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:21

Remember Shirley valentine! That you tomorrow except your ungrateful husband is in the hotel room 🤣

🤣🤣🤣!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 20:26

spanieleyes22 · 09/08/2024 20:22

Yes def use the free time to have a good old think. Ds will be gone soon . Can you see a life just you and dh . Make some lists. Pros and cons!!!!

I'm reading a book on my Kindle at the moment (only just started) Too good to leave to bad to stay...or something like that! They seem to advise against writing lists else that would have been my go to. Need to start procrastinating really after this. Thank you 😊 for your help though

OP posts:
Pineapplewaves · 09/08/2024 20:26

I'd be taking myself down to the entertainment bar, having a few drinks and enjoying the entertainment. Or go to the supermarket, get yourself some drinks and snacks and sit out on the balcony - you don't go all that way, to the lovely weather to sit inside.

Bellaboo01 · 09/08/2024 20:27

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:42

Just that really. Here in Gran Canaries with husband and teenage son (15). Husband is happy sitting in the shade reading his book. Teenage son is complaining he wants to be at home and I'm really fed up. I'm such a people person and love getting a bit dressed up in the evenings. So far, every evening we've been back in the room by 8pm (after my evening walk on my own as Husband and son want to chill out in the room on their phones etc). Am I right here in feeling peed off. For context this isn't the first year this has happened but I think this is the year I've really had enough. WWYD not now but in the future.

Sitting in the shade and reading a book sounds really nice. What are you expecting him to do during the day? Why dont you read a book, listen to music, podcast, chill out etc.

That sounds rubbish though regarding the evening. Why are you going out so early for dinner? Stay out by yourself and go and watch some entertainment.

simplemindss · 09/08/2024 20:27

@Waterdrophead ah that sounds rubbish ?
What part of Gran Canaria
We have been to Maspalomas and taurito the last few years and loved it

Highly recommend a trip to mogan

DecafDodger · 09/08/2024 20:29

No! dress up, go see the evening entertainment, and then have a drink at the bar. Kindle can wait.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 09/08/2024 20:31

Look on Facebook for a group related to the resort you sre in and put a post up looking for solo travellers and meet up fr a drink. I see this lots on the group I belong to for a mainland Spain resort

softsummerrain · 09/08/2024 20:31

It sounds like you’re really struggling to enjoy the holiday, and I completely understand why. You’re definitely not wrong to feel frustrated—holidays are supposed to be a time for everyone to enjoy, and it’s disappointing when you’re the only one making an effort to get out and do things.

In the short term, I’d suggest trying to make the most of it for yourself. Maybe find a bar with some live music or a spot where you can have a nice dinner and people-watch. You might find that you enjoy the time to yourself more than you expect. It’s also worth having a calm, honest chat with your husband about how you’re feeling. It’s important that your needs are considered too, and it’s okay to ask for a bit of compromise.

Looking to the future, maybe think about different types of holidays that might suit everyone better—or even consider taking a solo trip or one with friends where you can really enjoy yourself without feeling held back. It’s clear you love to get out and about, so finding ways to meet that need, whether on this trip or the next, is key.

You deserve to have a good time, and it’s important to address these feelings now so that future holidays don’t leave you feeling the same way. Enjoy the rest of your trip as best you can, and don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first sometimes!

martinisforeveryone · 09/08/2024 20:33

I feel awfully selfish thinking of my own needs

@Waterdrophead and yet what I take from your posts is that you're thinking of the family needs and dynamic, the marital relationship needs and dynamic and then, when you identify they're not good and you're unhappy, then you look for what you can do.

I don't think putting yourself third on a list of three is selfish.

What would you say about your husband and your son and if they're being team players, or selfish?

Kangarude · 09/08/2024 20:34

That sounds so rubbish. Is there any evening entertainment at the hotel? I would get dressed up and go watch it on my own. Failing that, take your book down to the bar and have a drink. You may find someone to chat to and if not, enjoy your book

ALunchbox · 09/08/2024 20:34

I don't think your needs are more valid than theirs but I agree everyone's needs should be catered for one way or another. Perhaps best to have a chat about this before the next holiday. In the meantime, as others have suggested, perhaps go out on your own?

ballsdeep · 09/08/2024 20:35

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:56

@Portfun24 yes he is and there are some marital stuff going on there. I think I'll do what some have suggested go for dinner later not by their choice at 6pm and make my own evening entertainment.

Show quote history

At 6 we are still in the pool!!

AinmEile · 09/08/2024 20:35

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:42

Just that really. Here in Gran Canaries with husband and teenage son (15). Husband is happy sitting in the shade reading his book. Teenage son is complaining he wants to be at home and I'm really fed up. I'm such a people person and love getting a bit dressed up in the evenings. So far, every evening we've been back in the room by 8pm (after my evening walk on my own as Husband and son want to chill out in the room on their phones etc). Am I right here in feeling peed off. For context this isn't the first year this has happened but I think this is the year I've really had enough. WWYD not now but in the future.

I would love this, peace, book, chilling after hopefully a nice day

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 09/08/2024 20:37

I would hide their phones/phone chargers!

planAplanB · 09/08/2024 20:38

Can you have light lunch in your room or hotel and then have siesta time 2-4 where you all lay on beds sleeping, reading or on screens (in room or under shade outside) then go for swim / walk then back to room for showers and get ready to go out for 6ish and enjoy an evening out together?

Livelovebehappy · 09/08/2024 20:46

Compromise is the key. Tbh, I’m one of those who, when I go on a beach holiday, I just love to chill. Read a book (which I never get to don’t home). We go out for an evening meal, but tends to be 7ish, and back at the hotel, and in our room by 8.30. We tend to go on two hols a year though, the second one being a city break, where it’s a lot more hectic and filled with stuff. Maybe you could ask that you alternate and have an evening out every other night you’re there? Teen doesn't need to go with you both if he’d rather stay in the room.