Page 7 | Abroad....Should have stayed at home

Waterdrophead · 2024-08-09T18:42:06+00:00

Just that really. Here in Gran Canaries with husband and teenage son (15). Husband is happy sitting in the shade reading his book. Teenage son is complaining he wants to be at home and I'm really fed up. I'm such a people person and love getting a bit dressed up in the evenings. So far, every evening we've been back in the room by 8pm (after my evening walk on my own as Husband and son want to chill out in the room on their phones etc). Am I right here in feeling peed off. For context this isn't the first year this has happened but I think this is the year I've really had enough. WWYD not now but in the future.

PUGMEISTER21 · 11/08/2024 08:56

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:46

@DecafDodger yes. Not quite sure I like going out on my own where everyone is out with their spouse or family. May try it tomorrow.
@Gymmum82 probably a good idea in the future!

Go down to the bar and find a decent man to flirt with.

LoquaciousPineapple · 11/08/2024 09:05

YABU to know your marriage is struggling and act surprised that your husband doesn't want to go out of his way to do things he doesn’t want to in order to make you happy.

YABU to expect your son to be cheerful and not complain, when he's stuck in a foreign place without his friends and having to spend all his time with his parents who have a shitty vibe between them.

Firstshoes · 11/08/2024 09:19

Are you in Mogan? We just got back from there a couple of weeks ago. The bars were near enough empty after 9pm so a lot of people must be like your husband. Lovely place but we'd never go back as the night times were so boring!

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/08/2024 09:32

LoquaciousPineapple · 11/08/2024 09:05

YABU to know your marriage is struggling and act surprised that your husband doesn't want to go out of his way to do things he doesn’t want to in order to make you happy.

YABU to expect your son to be cheerful and not complain, when he's stuck in a foreign place without his friends and having to spend all his time with his parents who have a shitty vibe between them.

Edited

@LoquaciousPineapple

so….what’s your point
should op just sit in the room with them all night being bored as shit do you think?

LoquaciousPineapple · 11/08/2024 10:03

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/08/2024 09:32

@LoquaciousPineapple

so….what’s your point
should op just sit in the room with them all night being bored as shit do you think?

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My point is that OP is being unreasonable, since that’s what she asked. It’s called “Am I being unreasonable?” not “Come up with solutions for a situation I’ve caused by being unreasonable”.

She can do whatever she pleases. If she wants to go out, she can go out by herself. She doesn’t have the right to insist anyone else comes with her though. If two out of three people vote not to go out and socialise, why does the third person’s single vote overrule that?

The most unreasonable thing was booking a holiday that she must have known the majority of the family wouldn’t enjoy or want to participate in. That would be unreasonable even without the marriage issues, but the marriage issues make it even more unreasonable/stupid. Why would you assume your husband who isn’t into socialising will change on holiday in any circumstance, but especially when you aren’t even getting along at the moment? She can’t take that back now obviously, but it’s also unreasonable for her to be mad at them for not enjoying something she knew they wouldn’t enjoy.

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/08/2024 11:42

LoquaciousPineapple · 11/08/2024 10:03

My point is that OP is being unreasonable, since that’s what she asked. It’s called “Am I being unreasonable?” not “Come up with solutions for a situation I’ve caused by being unreasonable”.

She can do whatever she pleases. If she wants to go out, she can go out by herself. She doesn’t have the right to insist anyone else comes with her though. If two out of three people vote not to go out and socialise, why does the third person’s single vote overrule that?

The most unreasonable thing was booking a holiday that she must have known the majority of the family wouldn’t enjoy or want to participate in. That would be unreasonable even without the marriage issues, but the marriage issues make it even more unreasonable/stupid. Why would you assume your husband who isn’t into socialising will change on holiday in any circumstance, but especially when you aren’t even getting along at the moment? She can’t take that back now obviously, but it’s also unreasonable for her to be mad at them for not enjoying something she knew they wouldn’t enjoy.

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@LoquaciousPineapple

she is not being unreasonable though. Going out on the evenings when on holiday is the norm. Who pays money just to sit in a hotel room when you could be enjoying going to lovely little bars on sea fronts etc. Her husband and son are the ones being unreasonable. Should she have booked a holiday where they can just sit in a hotel room
all day and night cos that’s what 2 of 3 want to do?! Might as well not bother away.

Olympia777 · 11/08/2024 11:44

I'd get a different husband

Winter2020 · 11/08/2024 17:29

LoquaciousPineapple · 11/08/2024 10:03

My point is that OP is being unreasonable, since that’s what she asked. It’s called “Am I being unreasonable?” not “Come up with solutions for a situation I’ve caused by being unreasonable”.

She can do whatever she pleases. If she wants to go out, she can go out by herself. She doesn’t have the right to insist anyone else comes with her though. If two out of three people vote not to go out and socialise, why does the third person’s single vote overrule that?

The most unreasonable thing was booking a holiday that she must have known the majority of the family wouldn’t enjoy or want to participate in. That would be unreasonable even without the marriage issues, but the marriage issues make it even more unreasonable/stupid. Why would you assume your husband who isn’t into socialising will change on holiday in any circumstance, but especially when you aren’t even getting along at the moment? She can’t take that back now obviously, but it’s also unreasonable for her to be mad at them for not enjoying something she knew they wouldn’t enjoy.

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I think in most cases someone behaving as OPs husband has just fallen into a lazy rut, and by that I mean not accompanying his partner out and chatting to her when she clearly wants to go. Not necessarily drinking yards of ale and dancing on tables just a walk on the beach or a drink watching the world go by.

I can guarantee that if the OP and her husband split and he goes abroad with a new girlfriend he would be a different charming and energised version of himself as I'm sure he was with the OP when their relationship was new.

Yes we all get comfortable in a relationship but there are times we have to make the effort. I'm glad your partner has realised you are unhappy OP and has been willing to make more effort for you.

Original poster

Waterdrophead · 12/08/2024 09:32

LoquaciousPineapple · 11/08/2024 09:05

YABU to know your marriage is struggling and act surprised that your husband doesn't want to go out of his way to do things he doesn’t want to in order to make you happy.

YABU to expect your son to be cheerful and not complain, when he's stuck in a foreign place without his friends and having to spend all his time with his parents who have a shitty vibe between them.

Edited

I don't think that's quite the situation but I'll take your point. Thanks anyway.

OP posts:

Original poster

Waterdrophead · 12/08/2024 09:45

LoquaciousPineapple · 11/08/2024 10:03

My point is that OP is being unreasonable, since that’s what she asked. It’s called “Am I being unreasonable?” not “Come up with solutions for a situation I’ve caused by being unreasonable”.

She can do whatever she pleases. If she wants to go out, she can go out by herself. She doesn’t have the right to insist anyone else comes with her though. If two out of three people vote not to go out and socialise, why does the third person’s single vote overrule that?

The most unreasonable thing was booking a holiday that she must have known the majority of the family wouldn’t enjoy or want to participate in. That would be unreasonable even without the marriage issues, but the marriage issues make it even more unreasonable/stupid. Why would you assume your husband who isn’t into socialising will change on holiday in any circumstance, but especially when you aren’t even getting along at the moment? She can’t take that back now obviously, but it’s also unreasonable for her to be mad at them for not enjoying something she knew they wouldn’t enjoy.

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Also, this was a holiday booked with everyone having input. Most importantly it was somewhere my teen wanted to go when we all looked at holidays so please don't assume this was my decision only. If I had my choice I would have gone hiking in the.mountains lol but it was a family choice.

OP posts:

Drigante · 12/08/2024 11:43

I hope you have had a better couple of days.

I think if one of you is more active you might need to accept going out on your own more. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not compatible. But there needs to be, somewhere, an intent from both of you for the other to have a nice time too. It can't be just "I need this from you" on either side, or both.

AmIEnough · 14/08/2024 07:47

FloatyBoaty · 09/08/2024 19:50

Tell your husband and your son that you are getting ready to go out for dinner and will be leaving at 8pm (or whatever). Tell them you will be going with or without them, and if they wish to come that’s great. If not- so be it. Get ready. Pack a book or magazine for yourself into your bag. Go out. Have dinner. Read your book or whatever. Maybe go for a drink at a nice bar or in the hotel bar after. Sit at the bar, and chat with the bar staff, if you don’t meet anyone else you’d like to chat to.

When you get back, you very calmly and without being snide, go to bed. If asked, you say very neutrally that you had a lovely evening thanks. And the next night you do the same.

perhaps book yourself onto an excursion in the day? Look out for other single or small groups of women you might be able to hang out with.

Its not ideal, no. But you’ve got agency here- you can take control of your own happiness. They will either see that you’re unhappy and join you, because they love you and want you to be happy. Or they won’t. With a teen it’s to be expected. They are generally utterly crap on holiday 😂 I know I was. With your husband, if he’s content to leave you alone and won’t compromise - you probably have some thinking to do.

Edited

This! Great idea, treat the holiday is if you’re on your own, do exactly what you want. Book yourself a spa treatment, book yourself on an excursion. If you can, try and socialise a little with people around the pool or in the bar. Just come and go as you please without any consideration for them as this is exactly how they are treating you. Enjoy your holiday, they are precious, especially when the weather in the UK is not always reliable. Best wishes.