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Original poster

Abroad....Should have stayed at home

162 replies

Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 19:42

Just that really. Here in Gran Canaries with husband and teenage son (15). Husband is happy sitting in the shade reading his book. Teenage son is complaining he wants to be at home and I'm really fed up. I'm such a people person and love getting a bit dressed up in the evenings. So far, every evening we've been back in the room by 8pm (after my evening walk on my own as Husband and son want to chill out in the room on their phones etc). Am I right here in feeling peed off. For context this isn't the first year this has happened but I think this is the year I've really had enough. WWYD not now but in the future.

OP posts:
ByCupidStunt · 09/08/2024 20:46

Gymmum82 · 09/08/2024 19:43

Go on holiday with your friends instead of your family

Yes,this.

Likewhatever · 09/08/2024 20:47

If you’re stuck with going on holiday with DH and DS, go on a cruise. You can dress up for dinner, talk to anyone you like, join in quizzes, see shows and have a generally lovely time. DH and DS can bury their heads in their phones and you won’t even notice. I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone, but it sounds like what you need.

Londonrach1 · 09/08/2024 20:50

Keeping quiet as your husband be me with a good book...mind you not read a book unless it's a Julia Donaldson for a few years so my idea of heaven.... However op why don't you go out to the bar yourself or sit by the pool with a good book...(I would). I agree with the phones...

laveritable · 09/08/2024 20:53

Just do your "own thing"

LBFseBrom · 09/08/2024 20:55

I'd have thought your son would have wanted to go out, or at least socialise within the hotel complex. Teenagers usually do.

6pm is ridiculously early for dinner, it's nice to get dressed up and go out to eat on holiday. Afterwards, just a walk outside is pleasant and there is usually a lot going on around you.

What a waste. Don't go away with them again and then you can please yourself.

Whycantitbetwentydegreesandsunny · 09/08/2024 20:56

Playing devil's advocate here but it sounds like you want different things from.your holidays. You can't make people do what you.want.to do but, equally you should do.what YOU want too. For those saying they.should make you feel.special and go out late, etc, well it works both.ways. Hope your holiday improves OP.

Sheri99 · 09/08/2024 20:57

First I would tell DS either now or later: "No worry about any more boredom with trips, you aren't going on another one." I had this happen with one ds - the oldest - and did that to him, no other younger children (12, 11, 5) ever DARED to complain on a family vacation, knowing they would be left behind!

Then I would tell dh what is expected on the next vacation with only him...or you won't go.

Then I would book my own vacation each year and skip the one with dh. Why go with someone who does things he can do at home rather than take his lovely wife to dinner?

BabygirlTom · 09/08/2024 20:58

Find a nice Spanish waiter to have a flirt with. DH doesn't seem fussed, you might as well!

Newgirls · 09/08/2024 20:58

can you structure the day differently tonorrow so back to room 4-5 to chill. Drinks at 6. Dinner at 8? Spread it all out a bit?

TeenLifeMum · 09/08/2024 21:02

Leave teen in the hotel - teens are teens and so long as he’s joining dinner I’d let him do what he wants after. Say to dh, after dinner tonight, let’s go to that bar in the harbour (or wherever) that looked really nice and take a walk along the beach front. Set expectations for the evening earlier in the day.

for me, our holidays are an opportunity to reconnect away from the daily life/work pressures. Dh not wanting to spend time with me would be me considering things being over. Honestly, what’s the point?

Kerrie1973 · 09/08/2024 21:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LeopardLover82 · 09/08/2024 21:09

Not read the full thread. But did you not talk to your family before you booked/came away? Did you not discuss what you’d get up to?!

Dweetfidilove · 09/08/2024 21:11

@Waterdrophead Don't allow these bores to put a dampener on your holiday.

Go to dinner and chat with the lovely people there or enjoy by yourself, then stop at the bar on the way back.

People are always eager to meet and chat with others, so you'll be fine.

No advice doe what you do with the husband and som though 🍸

GladOliveUser · 09/08/2024 21:12

You've kind of set them up for failure as you knew what they are like in general and even had a trip where they behaved like this. Why did you think this time was going to be suddenly different? I would have saved up the money or gone on a holiday that pleases everyone with a view on compromise ie one night of entertainment, one night of chilling out. It's their holiday, too and if all they want is to sit in the shade or enjoy being indoors in a different setting then so be it.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 09/08/2024 21:15

If you do manage to drag them out, take a pack of cards or uno and have a game over drinks. Takes the pressure off conversation.
But I wiuld be beside myself if I was you.

Wishitwasstraightforward · 09/08/2024 21:17

Sounds really tough OP and I can absolutely understand why you are upset.

You've already had some great advice on this thread. I wanted to add something that goes against the grain WRT your DS. I have teenagers and I do think it is entirely normal for them to go through this phase, and that leaving them to it may well be the best approach. However, I wanted to suggest that you consider talking to DS and offering to do something together of his choice, no pressure. Throw the net wide! He may well knock you back and I don't think pushing it will achieve anything but I do think it is worth asking. He may be finding the dynamic between you and DH tricky. I think that even if he declines the offer he will (somewhere deep down) appreciate you asking.

If it is any consolation I think most of them come out the other end being lovely. I know that doesn't help the situation wrt DH but personally I found a smiling, kind late teen son was a real tonic when my marriage imploded. I haven't leaned on him, or over shared but he has been a ray of sunshine (mostly) fusing a really difficult time.

macaroniandcheeze · 09/08/2024 21:17

Can you take a pack of cards down to dinner and suggest a drink and a game after?

Original poster
Waterdrophead · 09/08/2024 21:23

Wishitwasstraightforward · 09/08/2024 21:17

Sounds really tough OP and I can absolutely understand why you are upset.

You've already had some great advice on this thread. I wanted to add something that goes against the grain WRT your DS. I have teenagers and I do think it is entirely normal for them to go through this phase, and that leaving them to it may well be the best approach. However, I wanted to suggest that you consider talking to DS and offering to do something together of his choice, no pressure. Throw the net wide! He may well knock you back and I don't think pushing it will achieve anything but I do think it is worth asking. He may be finding the dynamic between you and DH tricky. I think that even if he declines the offer he will (somewhere deep down) appreciate you asking.

If it is any consolation I think most of them come out the other end being lovely. I know that doesn't help the situation wrt DH but personally I found a smiling, kind late teen son was a real tonic when my marriage imploded. I haven't leaned on him, or over shared but he has been a ray of sunshine (mostly) fusing a really difficult time.

Thanks for your advice. Can I ask, do you think my son could be picking up on thr difficult dynamics between myself and DH hence why he doesn't want to do a lot with us?

Some really great advice from you all. We've some trips booked for the reminder of the holiday.Yes, all this was discussed before we left, me doing most of the organising and them just agreeing with me whilst I got excited over the plans!

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 09/08/2024 21:24

Leave your teen where he is- he is old enough not to be forced to go out. But your DH needs to be compromising a bit so you can get out and about!

Zanatdy · 09/08/2024 21:25

They are very selfish. Teen, to be expected but he should still understand give and take. Husband, well he’s out of order. Book some more trips for yourself if they don’t want to participate and take yourself down to the entertainment or to a nearby bar for a drink, or maybe some wine and a kindle on your balcony. I’d be crying into my wine how much money was being wasted being more fed up than at home, and it would be the last holiday for some time

SamW98 · 09/08/2024 21:27

That would drive me mad. I love holiday evenings, getting dressed up and having dinner and a few cocktails under the stars.

Many people are still round the pool/on the beach at 6 not eating dinner.

Id give them an ultimatum that it’s your turn to have a say in what you do otherwise go down to the bar on your own and have a couple of drinks and stay out late!

rookiemere · 09/08/2024 21:30

Your DH and DS are making me feel less guilty!

We are just back from holiday and I'm not a great drinker especially after a meal as I just want to chill, but we have dinner a bit later 7.30-8 and I at least go for a walk after dinner as much as I would like to chill in the room, I appreciate it's a bit boring going back to the room before 9.30-10. I also deliberately booked us into a ( lovely and had our own room ) hostel one night and shooed DH up onto the roof terrace with his bottle of port to make friends.

I would suggest to your DH that you need to compromise- this was suggested to me when I complained on here about DH and his need to drink both before and after dinner- so one night back to the bedroom by 8, next one dinner later and out until at least 9.30pm. Or book something like a cruise where there is loads of entertainment if you're prepared to watch it solo.

bonzaitree · 09/08/2024 21:31

Leave the teen.

Ask your husband if he wants to head out for dinner at 8p.m. Just the two of you.

If he says no, go on your own. Take a book and order a large vino. Enjoy the location as much as possible.

The problems can wait for when you’re home. For now try and get as much enjoyment as possible for YOU.

PeachBlossom1234 · 09/08/2024 21:31

I’m a single mum and go away with my daughter, as soon as we get to the entertainment in the evening she’s gone and left me by myself! I embrace it and enjoy it, I’m not sitting in the room when I’m away and I urge you not to either. Think of Shirley Valentine! There’s always someone to speak to, or sit by yourself if you’re unsure

IWishIWasABaller · 09/08/2024 21:37

Surely a 16 year old boy would want to be hanging out with the other teens on holidays having fun and chatting up girls. Would you consider talking to your husband about going out somewhere nice for dinner at a later time tomorrow?