Abroad....Should have stayed at home

[Waterdrophead]

Just that really. Here in Gran Canaries with husband and teenage son (15). Husband is happy sitting in the shade reading his book. Teenage son is complaining he wants to be at home and I'm really fed up. I'm such a people person and love getting a bit dressed up in the evenings. So far, every evening we've been back in the room by 8pm (after my evening walk on my own as Husband and son want to chill out in the room on their phones etc). Am I right here in feeling peed off. For context this isn't the first year this has happened but I think this is the year I've really had enough. WWYD not now but in the future.

I went to Greece with a friend last year but got chatting to a group of women who were all travelling alone and said there was a FB group for solo travellers to the island and meet ups were arranged and individuals dipped in as much or as little as they liked.

Its nice to know there are groups like that even if it’s just for the odd evening or day trip.

Tbh after a couple of holidays with just me and DS when he was 13/14 I realised I could do it alone as he rarely cane out in daylight 🤣

I'm voting AIBU because holidays mean different things to different people. Their way isn't wrong but it's incompatible with yours.

Either you all compromise a bit, make the best of it for you (so go do some stuff solo) or have a holiday with some friends in future.

I find it boring 🤣

But I live in trainers, shorts and a top. I make an effort with makeup (but even that's about 15 mins). I like to get ready quickly and he out. For me dressing up has always felt really faffy especially on a hot holiday.

On their phones!? Have a nice evening walk at the usual time, then make an extra special effort to get dressed up and go and have dinner by yourself. Order a half bottle of wine and enjoy a main meal and two desserts (eg. one with chocolate, one with fruit). If hubby complains, point out the money is being saved anyway by him and son staying in their room and not spending.

@SamW98 that sounds great, thank you for letting me know. I can see how a holiday with a half hearted teen / tween is good practise for a solo trip.

LOVE gran canaria! where are you staying? no matter actually, go out and enjoy yourself. why let them make you stay in and be miserable? life is too short?!

I always feel like I don't know what I'm doing when I try to dress up.

My work is outdoors, my hobbies mostly involve a wetsuit. I feel comfortable and myself in casual clothing without makeup.

I feel like a fish out of water dressed up. Really self conscious and unsure. Wearing makeup makes me feel like a clown.

Prior to walking out last year EXH said he liked me as I was. He maintained that stance until after 18 years of marriage and out of blue he listed a catalogue of things he disliked about me including not dressing up or wearing makeup. He left the next day. Ouch!

I've tried makeup since he left but still feel ridiculous! Kind of wish I could get the hang of it.

So, in a nutshell, it's a confidence thing for me.

It does strike me that you are incompatible, and this holiday is bringing that fact into stark relief.

I would be your DH in this situation, in a sense. I am
very introverted and cannot bear bars, live music, drunk people etc. My dream on a holiday evening would be a quiet dinner with DH, then sitting outside somewhere quiet reading. Luckily DH understands this and is quite happy sitting outside a quiet bar watching the world go by while away with me (well he was, until we had children and now we just collapse in a heap of exhaustion after a day of entertaining them).

While I think it’s odd to want to be inside while on holiday somewhere nice, I don’t think what your DH is doing is inherently wrong. It’s more that it it negatively affecting your holiday experience and revealing potential relationship issues.

Short term solution; go out and enjoy yourself in your own way. Long term solution; a long chat about what you both want in the future.

Is there a nearby town you could a taxi/bus to one night? Gets you out the hotel and seeing new things and your teen might like to mooch around the shops for a bit. Sometimes they can be lured out with the promise of somewhere new. DH really needs to make more effort for
you. Really hope your holiday improves.

Yasssss!

Op id encourage them to stay at pool/beach etc till 6pm and then announce that you are all going back to room for showers and put on evening clothes and going out for dinner at 7:30-8pm ish. Even if you need to buy them snacks to keep them going. Don't have dinner with all the toddlers at 6pm!

Them after dinner...... Beg then to take you for cocktails.

That is what I would do!

My husband and son can be a little like this. We are also abroad at the moment. We all come home from a theme park around 1pm and DS and DH decided that afternoon naps were in order.

I’ve been out by the pool with my book, sunbathing, swimming and enjoying 34 degrees.

A little later we’ll either all go out, or if they want to order a pizza to the condo and watch Forensic Detectives, then I’ll go out myself and get dinner, ice creams, do some shopping etc I’ll have lots of fun.

My son is 19, so perhaps I’ve had a little longer to acclimatise to what teen boys can be like and how their dads can and will go along with it. But I don’t see any reason not to absolutely enjoy myself and I’m loving it.

Yes, they could just stay at home on their phones. DH and DS didn't even need to spend the money to go there to play with phones. Ridiculous

It’s their holiday too I guess. Maybe try and compromise and do your thing one night and chill the night after?

2 hours - a load of extra clothes & shoes - how extreme!
I guess it depends on your definition of dressed up.

I'm normally in a t-shirt + jeans. tinted moisturizer and lip balm, no jewellery (apart from basic earrings and my wedding ring of course).
It takes me 30 extra mins at most to shower, put on foundation and a bit of lippy+eyeshadow.
A couple of nice tops and/or some pretty jewellery, one set of cute shoes. Done.
I don't tend to do it every single day though, usually half.

As soon as I read the title, I knew you'd be on holiday with a teen
Sorry OP, it sucks, I know.

Not that your husband is much better though!

Be more assertive. Right giys. Be readyfor 8pm. Wander into town and get some food.

I love getting dressed up for the evening on holiday but not OTT. Usually a shower, put on a nice maxi dress or similar, light make up (tinted moisturiser mascara and lip gloss) dry my hair and ready for dinner and cocktails

Great answer!
If they are being arseholes, do what you want anyway.
No confrontation needed, just take and make the holiday YOU want!

If there's entertainment on at your hotel you can def go to that on your own. Share a table with others if you can.

I tend to get to know people by the pool so I can initially say hello, then eventually chat with them. It means I may be able to escape if I need to, lol!

I honestly don't get staying in the room unless they're both exhausted...

I sympathise. I looked over at my husband of nearly 30-years as he lay sunbathing. We were in a beautiful place, in a perfect villa, with a gorgeous pool. Anyway, I looked at him and thought “I’m done” and that was it. The marriage was over in that moment.

Hi new this forum…but I’m getting so confused with the OP and other terms used ? Please can you tell me what they all mean :-) thanks

Morning,
Thank you all for your lovely replies and insights here. Just wanted to update, last night was better. I think my words about me either going out out on my own or having a separate holiday from DH sprung him into action marginally. Met another family yesterday so had an evening with them. Couple of trips booked over the next few days so the remaining holiday should be fine. We've agreed to have dinner later and to enjoy the entertainment in the hotel after a walk. it has however shone a brighter light on our incompatibility and still have lots of thinking to do. That's for another thread. Thanks again all for being there.

We'd probably have finished eating by 8 because we usually start our day quite early so we're hungry for dinner by 6 at the latest. 8 is late for us to eat and we'd either be hangry, or end up with indigestion later on.

But we'd do something else. Have drinks, go for a walk along the front and watch the sunset, get ice cream, explore what was on offer etc.