Abroad....Should have stayed at home

[Waterdrophead]

Just that really. Here in Gran Canaries with husband and teenage son (15). Husband is happy sitting in the shade reading his book. Teenage son is complaining he wants to be at home and I'm really fed up. I'm such a people person and love getting a bit dressed up in the evenings. So far, every evening we've been back in the room by 8pm (after my evening walk on my own as Husband and son want to chill out in the room on their phones etc). Am I right here in feeling peed off. For context this isn't the first year this has happened but I think this is the year I've really had enough. WWYD not now but in the future.

Go on holiday with your friends instead of your family

I would leave them, dress up and go out.

Are you in a hotel? If so go down to the bar on your own, if you want to be sociable then go be sociable. You don't need your dh to go with you !

@DecafDodger yes. Not quite sure I like going out on my own where everyone is out with their spouse or family. May try it tomorrow.
@Gymmum82 probably a good idea in the future!

I'd be furious that they were just sitting in the room! You need to speak up and get them out!

I think you need to have a stern word with your dh.

Leave your teen to do his thing but your dh should certainly take this opportunity away from the day to day grind to enjoy spending time with you whether that's via going for a walk, or a meal, or a cocktail or an ice cream it doesn't matter. Life is short & it would drive me demented being back in the room by 8pm. We would only be heading out for pre-dinner drinks then!

Their needs & desires do not trump yours so he needs to find a compromise.

What does your dh expect you to do from 8pm when he's on his phone? Stare at the wall? What time are you even having dinner??

@twilightermummy they won't! I can't force them unfortunately. I have given them a piece of it and told them I didn't spend £xxxx to sit in a hotel room in a foreign country to look at my phone.

Oh that’s a shame and sounds like you all have different ways to relax.
Are you able to have a honest and undramatic conversation with them and reach some sort of compromise on how everyone can enjoy the holiday?
It may be one evening out with DH whilst DS gets to sit on his phone with chips and a coke etc - and the next one DH gets to do that, but for each evening out they have to lose any attitude and play their part.
(btw, I do understand!)

How have you and your dh not had an almighty row?
Bloody hell, we're usually only just getting back from the beach about 8pm!

Have words!!!!!

Tell your husband and your son that you are getting ready to go out for dinner and will be leaving at 8pm (or whatever). Tell them you will be going with or without them, and if they wish to come that’s great. If not- so be it. Get ready. Pack a book or magazine for yourself into your bag. Go out. Have dinner. Read your book or whatever. Maybe go for a drink at a nice bar or in the hotel bar after. Sit at the bar, and chat with the bar staff, if you don’t meet anyone else you’d like to chat to.

When you get back, you very calmly and without being snide, go to bed. If asked, you say very neutrally that you had a lovely evening thanks. And the next night you do the same.

perhaps book yourself onto an excursion in the day? Look out for other single or small groups of women you might be able to hang out with.

Its not ideal, no. But you’ve got agency here- you can take control of your own happiness. They will either see that you’re unhappy and join you, because they love you and want you to be happy. Or they won’t. With a teen it’s to be expected. They are generally utterly crap on holiday 😂 I know I was. With your husband, if he’s content to leave you alone and won’t compromise - you probably have some thinking to do.

I would have a proper conversation about what your husband and son both want from the holiday before booking next time. My son is a similar age, he is not happy just sitting about at the pool for much of the time, especially with no siblings or friends with him. We have to choose a destination where there is specific things we want to see or do.

As for going back to the room early - plan to go out dinner later. You could relax in the room first and then go out about 8 and eat then. Or get a drink on the way and then eat after. You definitely shouldn't be back at the hotel that early!

Just tell your husband that you want to go out and to get himself ready , why have you already finished dinner at this time of the evening

That's absolutely crap, is your husband always such a bore? If there's entertainment on I'd just go down myself and have a drink and see if there's anyone you can chat to. Failing that I'd be telling my husband it's supposed to be a family holiday and it would be considerate for him to make an effort in the evening so you can enjoy yourself, keeping his wife happy is more important than reading a book.

Why can't you do something now? As others said, go off by yourself. That might at least stir your husband out of his rut when he notices you're gone. Your son, I'd excuse. PS. You're definitely NBU.

That sounds really disappointing OP, and not the holiday you imagined. Can you speak to DH and say how you feel and find some resolution. It’s all of your holidays, there needs to be comprise so all of you have a lovely trip. Good luck

Throw a tantrum OP! Tell them both that you didn't spend a fortune on a holiday to spend the evenings stuck in the room, or to go out on your own, so they're going to put down their phones, get changed, and you're all going out! Of course if you're happy for your DS to stay in his room, so that you can have some couple time, then just tell your DH that holidays are the time to reconnect with each other, and he can't do that with is head stuck in his phone.

Then next year, as PP's have suggested, go with friends, or have a completely different type of holiday, perhaps doing something that you have always fancied doing, (maybe an art holiday / cooking holiday etc.) but haven't because you thought holidays were about family.

Honestly sun holidays don't suit teenagers. Book a city break next time or go with another family or have a hobby holiday where you combine it with doing something. Sun holidays are for people who love to chill. I know loads love them but they are not for me!

True - I’ve had some lovely solo holidays in the sun.

@Portfun24 yes he is and there are some marital stuff going on there. I think I'll do what some have suggested go for dinner later not by their choice at 6pm and make my own evening entertainment.

That's rubbish. Is there any entertainment there? A table by yourself would not be the end of the world, though it's crap your husband can't at least put his phone down long enough to have a couple of drinks with you.

Maybe try a later dinner with more wine?

I think a lot of us have a horrendous holiday with teens being a pain but it sounds like that is not not your biggest problem here.

There should be a balance but i don’t think any of you are wrong just want different things. Your DH should come with you sometimes in the evening walks etc. however there is nothing wrong with just doing nothing iron holiday where you don’t need to feel guilty about not cleaning or taking out the bins. It’s just not what you prefer so also go out on your own.

Have a look and see if there are any day trips or excursions you like do? You might get chatting to some people more interesting than your dh. Honestly I would question my relationship. Do you have nothing to say to each other is that why he won't stay out. Sounds like you're on hol with 2 teenage boys!!! Ffs your dh should be treating you and making you feel special . You could have some lovely date nights and drinks. It he prefers to sit in the room. Think I'd go out and find some friends tbh

And stop having dinner at 6pm that's for toddlers and babies. Feed ds if he's moaning and leave him in the room and go for dinner yourselves at somewhere a bit posh . Use the time to get back in touch with each other. If dh won't I think that tells you a lot sadly. Wish I was there I would go out with you OP😘

@spanieleyes22 yes, as mentioned there are some marital stuff there and I suspect we've not a great deal to say to each other, other than usual ritual stuff. Nevertheless, here to make an effort. We've some trips booked over the next few days but you're right I should be made to feel special.

YANBU to have been annoyed, if you had been misled. But it seems like this is a pattern.
My husband and I have many things in common but we're so different on holiday. He's more relaxed, have a drink, plenty of downtime and wandering about. Also a fussy eater. I prefer seeing the sights and yes, the food!

I'm lucky enough to be able to have more than one holiday a year, so I do my 'proper' trip with friends and chill city breaks with him. But if I had the resources for only one... Certainty wouldn't waste it on him!!!!

What expectations were set?