Abroad....Should have stayed at home

[Waterdrophead]

Just that really. Here in Gran Canaries with husband and teenage son (15). Husband is happy sitting in the shade reading his book. Teenage son is complaining he wants to be at home and I'm really fed up. I'm such a people person and love getting a bit dressed up in the evenings. So far, every evening we've been back in the room by 8pm (after my evening walk on my own as Husband and son want to chill out in the room on their phones etc). Am I right here in feeling peed off. For context this isn't the first year this has happened but I think this is the year I've really had enough. WWYD not now but in the future.

Holiday evenings are for finding nice restaurants and cool little bars. I’m horrified your Dh is just happy to stay in/be back by early evening. What a waste of money, you could do that at home.

Totally agree. Evenings are the best part of z holiday for me

Even when I went away with just me and DS when he was 12/13/14 we went out every night for dinner and found bars where he could play pool or other games against other kids and I could sit with a carafe of local wine people watching. We were never in bed before midnight

I would definitely be going to a bar on my own in the OP’s shoes. I’m not going on holiday for early nights and sitting in a hotel room.

Where are you staying?

This !

How disappointing for you
DH and DS are doing exactly the same as they would at home!
Would DH go out for a drink with you? If not, take your kindle and have a glass of wine at the bar
It's your holiday too

I would have to tell my husband that if he has no interest in spending time with me then we're done here because I am lonely and bored and will need to look for someone who does want to spend time with me. Speaking away from your son obviously. Teenagers are one thing but your husband is a grown man.

We spend too much time on our phones in my house but we didn't stay in on our holidays to sit on our phones. Fine if you all agree you want a night in to read books or phones and relax but every night - you are wasting your holiday and time you could spend together.

That is really lousy for you. I love Gran Canaria.

I agree with others. Take yourself off for a quiet drink and try and enjoy the scenery and of being away. Quietly reflect on what you want going forward. But do try and make the best of your current surroundings whilst you are away as you’ve paid to be on holiday. If they want to be on their phones that’s up to them. But you even refusing to be dictated by their own decisions is your choice.

It’s sad that your husband isn’t even bothered about this. Good luck. Xx

@Waterdrophead "Thanks for your advice. Can I ask, do you think my son could be picking up on thr difficult dynamics between myself and DH hence why he doesn't want to do a lot with us?"

It's a possibility OP, which I know is really tricky. You know the situation much better than me of course. Teens are capable of being tricky full stop, and IMO it's very normal that they have a stage of pulling away. So it may just be a normal teen thing.

But if things feel awkward or strained or the overall dynamic is flat I do think that kids often pick up on it. Seeing you make the best of your trip, and searching out things that make you happy (whilst being open to him joining you) will set out a great example to him regardless of the reason behind his behaviour.

@FunnysInLaJardin

its not the answer, no. OP can do that at home. She is in Lanzarote and wants to enjoy the weather and night life.

Those that say that “hate to dress up”

out of interest, why?!

How did it go last night op? Did you go out by yourself in the end?

Have you set the expectations for tonight?

If there is any entertainment (live music etc) going on nearby go to that. You won’t feel as self conscious as you might sitting in a bar because you’ll be focussing on the act. Likewise other people will be too and less likely to notice you. But in my experience, if people are going to react to you being on your own it will be friendly.

Your hotel reception may know where you can go. They may even be able to hook you up with an organised group booking for something.

Op if it means anything, whenever I've seen a solo woman out and about on hols I've always admires her rather than think it odd etc. Get out there and enjoy yourself, as others have said, it's your holiday too 🍹☀️

I would just go out by myself and do my own thing. I stopped going on holiday with my DH years ago as he doesn't enjoy them and moans, no point paying for him. I quite enjoy my own company though, and find I can then get talking with new people.

You are not being unreasonable at all. My DH and I have one DS aged 12 and holidays are what we live for. We would just be going out for the evening at 8pm and not coming home, holidays are precious and we all work so hard and you deserve and should enjoy your holiday. Holidays are for exploring, doing things out of your normal routine and enjoying each others company. I am sorry your holiday doesn’t appear to be that way, you deserve better. I agree with others, go to the bar by yourself, you will be surprised how many people you will end up chatting to and what a nice evening you will have 😃

Go to the bar by yourself and you’ll find people will chat.

A lot of women travel alone. Last year my friend and I got chatting to a lady in the pool bar in Greece who was on holiday on her own. She ended ok coming to dinner and drinks with us a couple of nights and also on a day trip to another island. People on holiday are usually very friendly

And we usually go out for the first drink and dinner about 8/9 not to bed

Go with a friend! Tell them you are going on holiday to enjoy yourself and not listen to moaning and sit in the room all night!

I've had that problem........art yourself up, go down to the bar and enjoy a cocktail before dinner........hope you don't accidentally kick your husband in bed all night........as to your son, he's 15.. can't do anything about that - just wait and one day soon he will wake up a charming young man who is delighted to entertain his Mama of whom he is very proud!!!

I can competely see your point of view and i would be raging to be back in room at 8pm everynight. For the next trip, I think you need to manage your expectations in terms of what how the trip will go & compromise with your DH on the evenings out. Perhaps one night in and next night out. I think that's only fair. Also your DH needs to get off his phone and communicate with his lovely wife!

Is there any other family's you can ask to join you? Ideally so your 15 year old has someone to hang out with. He's probably missing his friends. Not all teens want to go to teen clubs.

As people said above, Perhaps go away with your friends on a separate trip for a weekend so you can get all dressed up and go out every night.
I hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday!

Do you have a circle of friends/family you could go away with either with Boring husband & Sullen teen or without?

if with sound out the females & make plans for evenings of long leisurely drinks followed by dancing the night away with husbands

if not make friends with like minded females & go on your own if hubby doesn’t like it tough titties he’s had ample opportunity to step up

Because I'd rather spend my time doing something more interesting than hair and makeup? Because I don't want to lug a load of extra clothes and shoes on holiday and have them taking up space in the room and then lug them all back and have more washing? Because it's effort to take it all off at the end of the night?

We went on holiday with a couple and it took her 2 hours to get ready every single night. By that time we'd explored the whole hotel and area around, made some new friends, figured out where the amenities we were interested in were, had 2 cocktails at the bar, taken some lovely photos, planned the next day, and caught up with people from home via phone and message. She didn't look any different other than another dress, and I was bloody starving.

Book an excursion or two to go on during the day linked with something that interests you; history/local food and drink/activity/boat trip/market? In the evening, get hold of a pack of cards and make your way to the bar after dinner and grab a table, with your husband and son and have a few games of cards while drinking and people watching. If they point blank refuse, go to the bar on your own with your book!

I hate dressing up, especially on hols. I'm normally so tired from the day I just want an early dinner and an early night.

Dressing up when the evenings are hot and sticky are just the worst. To be fair tho, I have awful IBS which generally ruins every holiday I go on as my stomach can't cope with the food. By about 5pm I'm in agony and my stomach is twice the size. DH is a complete night owl so he'll normally stay out with the teenage boys and I'll take my younger daughter back to the room.

It's been this way for 16 yrs and we both just have to compromise I guess 🤷‍♀️

@Chickenfriedriceismybestfriend I love this, and being almost divorced it means a lot to me.

ATM I have teens to holiday with, and luckily several friends who would also welcome a trip together.

Having said that funds are tight, and I'm mindful that by the time I can afford a holiday abroad I may be looking at going alone. It's nice to hear such positive comments about single travellers.

@Waterdrophead your post has been in my head today. Hope you're doing ok, and today has been a better day x