Are we invited or not?

[WeddingConfusion]

We've received an invitation to DH's niece's wedding later in the year but it's not clear to us whether we're invited to the whole day or just the evening.

On the front of the invitation our names have been beautifully handwritten but the rest of it - details, inserts and RSVP card - are all printed.

One of the inserts is an Order of the Day giving timings of everything from guests arrival, ceremony, photographs etc. through to carriages at midnight. Based on the fact we've been sent one of these DH and I are assuming we're invited to the whole day. However...

Underneath the printed details of the date and venue, in the same beautiful handwriting, it says "evening party starts at 19.00". This is half an hour earlier than the time on the Order of the Day and it's making us wonder if that's the time for evening guests to arrive and we are, in fact, only invited to the evening. If that's the case though then we don't understand why we've been sent an Order of the Day if we don't need one.

Obviously one of us will have to phone SIL for clarification but before we do I thought I'd put it to a poll and see what others think. It is, of course, quite possible we're overthinking it and it's perfectly obvious (to everyone but us!) but it would be dreadfully embarrassing to turn up to the bit we're not actually invited to or to only turn up in the evening when we should have been there all day!

YABU - It's perfectly clear you're invited to the whole day
YANBU - It's obvious you're only invited to the evening

What a circus and how embarrassing for everyone. I’d be so pissed off.

Dietary requirements makes sense because you'll still be fed in the evening so you need to know how many gluten free, vegan, etc options you need. The ceremony information makes sense because a lot of people, depending on travel plans, go to the church/ceremony even if they're only invited to the evening. But the whole thing printed out as a timeline including the meal you're not invited to, I agree is very confusing!

@DappledThings @DaisyDewks SIL and I were saying the same so I think SIL is going to have a word with DN to maybe contact the evening guests to clarify.

Aren't they just! I don't understand why DN couldn't have just sent out evening invitations! Still, at least I won't be forking out for a new posh frock 😂

I voted that it was obvious you were invited to the whole thing, so it's a good job you clarified 🙈 Oh dear. Poor Neice is going to have to make some awkward phonecalls. Sometimes when you're involved in the planning of these things you THINK it's obvious to everyone else, but to anyone who hasn't been involved in the planning it's really confusing 🙈

I think they need to tell the evening guests as this has disaster written all over it sending rhe order of service to evening guests is idiocy, why do they need it , you only tell them about the bit they are attending.

thry will have guests turning up for the whole thing. So they need to clarify it.

Yeah including the schedule for the day when they’re only inviting people for the evening is ridiculous!

I’m glad you’re not offended or upset but I bet someone along the way will be, what a weird thing to have done.

I stand by what I said earlier, don't send fancy formal invitations for evening guests. Many people will assume formal invitation equals day guest

That's a lot of cringeworthy phone calls needed now. What a balls up.

That's crazy!

I followed your thread yesterday and, whilst I understood the confusion, I was pretty confident you'd discover you'd been invited to the whole thing!

Oh dear!

I’m gobsmacked you aren’t invited! A niece and just an evening invite?????

Good grief. The op isn’t close to the niece and happy airh the evening. Give your head a wobble. I’m gobsmacked you can’t fathom folks all have different set ups

Indeed. Wobbling as I walk

😂

Jawdropping! I'm sure you're not the only confused guests
Thank you for your update, I thought you would be invited for the whole day.

Glad you've clarified but that wasn't clear and leaves room for embarrassment! DN and fiancé should have left off everything but evening info (and ceremony if it's a public church one they're happy for non day invitees to attend but it needs to be made clear!). Why on earth would you need to know about photos and wedding breakfast and order of service? She'll have people turning up expecting feeding all day!

Oh dear, I'm sure you aren't the only evening guests confused. Niece is going to have to make some uncomfortable calls I think. I'm glad you were proactive about communicating with your SIL.

The dietary preferences thing makes sense since obviously there will also be food of some sort at an evening do that starts at 7, but they should have just had separate evening-only invitations.

I know MN thinks we always have to get out the clutching-pearls and angry pitchforks over evening invites, but I have no issue with it in general (the problem here was how it was communicated). If you don't have your DN's phone number I think you're being quite reasonable to not get offended over an evening invite and hopefully the other evening guests are as level-headed.

I agree, your niece was not at all clear. Never mind, next time she gets married she'll know what to do :-).

We honestly wouldn't be offended if we weren't invited at all, we're not like that.

I really do hope DN does make those calls no matter how uncomfortable because it'll be an awful lot worse if she has people turning up for the ceremony etc who aren't supposed to be there until the evening. Everything is all at the same venue so in theory there shouldn't be anyone there just to "see" the wedding like you can do at a church.

That did make me laugh! 😂

It's fine! We're not the type of family who is constantly in touch, living in each other's pockets. There haven't been any fallings out, we just live our own lives. We're very happy to have an evening invite - at least we now know exactly what we're invited to! 😊

Exactly, that's what confused me! I'm so glad I queried it with SIL otherwise there would have been embarrassment all round when we turned up for the ceremony! Luckily SIL agreed with me and I think she'll be encouraging DN to make some calls, but I think you're probably right and there will be some offended guests unfortunately.

Very true! Your poor SIL her nerves will be on edge. It’s good you were the first to query it. Forewarned is forearmed!

They probably don't have the numbers of loads of the evening guests. I know they've messed up but I'm feeling a bit sorry for this couple who are probably spending this weekend trying to track the details for all these people down.