Are we invited or not?

[WeddingConfusion]

We've received an invitation to DH's niece's wedding later in the year but it's not clear to us whether we're invited to the whole day or just the evening.

On the front of the invitation our names have been beautifully handwritten but the rest of it - details, inserts and RSVP card - are all printed.

One of the inserts is an Order of the Day giving timings of everything from guests arrival, ceremony, photographs etc. through to carriages at midnight. Based on the fact we've been sent one of these DH and I are assuming we're invited to the whole day. However...

Underneath the printed details of the date and venue, in the same beautiful handwriting, it says "evening party starts at 19.00". This is half an hour earlier than the time on the Order of the Day and it's making us wonder if that's the time for evening guests to arrive and we are, in fact, only invited to the evening. If that's the case though then we don't understand why we've been sent an Order of the Day if we don't need one.

Obviously one of us will have to phone SIL for clarification but before we do I thought I'd put it to a poll and see what others think. It is, of course, quite possible we're overthinking it and it's perfectly obvious (to everyone but us!) but it would be dreadfully embarrassing to turn up to the bit we're not actually invited to or to only turn up in the evening when we should have been there all day!

YABU - It's perfectly clear you're invited to the whole day
YANBU - It's obvious you're only invited to the evening

Goodness your sil and you seem similar on the anxiety front. Just text her and ask.

My guess would be that you are invited to the whole thing but they've amended the evening times in case you can only come for the evening.

so…. make the call

I think so too or else you wouldn't have been sent all the details. She is probably just letting you know when the evening do commences so you can plan what to do, ie bring another outfit for the evening, estimate what time you can leave, etc.

Phone sister-in-law for clarity but I feel sure you are invited to the whole business. You are an aunt and uncle after all, family.

it’s your husbands sister?

do they have a very formal and uptight relationship that means he can’t drop her a message to say “clear it up sis! i’m being thick”

@WeddingConfusion hi, no I mentioned calling your niece as you said your SIL would be anxious - leave her out and just go to the bride.

I’d just text mine but she’s used to Aunty Witch confused state of mind.

I’m in the all day camp.

That's exactly it! On the face of it we appear to be invited to the whole thing but that small handwritten time amendment has got us questioning it!

I'll definitely post an update when I've spoken to SIL. Actually I may make DH do it 😂

this is all a bit…. odd

She had said several times she will. She just wants to check to see if it’s clear to everyone else. Read the thread.

I think it's the whole day. But it's really unclear. They are really silly to do this, would put me off going. So embarrassing having to ask.

I did. Thanks

I'd guess it's evening only as they've written that in by hand under the date and venue.

Apologies, I misunderstood!

Unfortunately we don't have niece's number and would have to ask SIL for it anyway. She'll be absolutely fine :)

You are going to have to ask her, which is embarrassing, but I agree it's very unclear and it needs to be pointed out to them. I wonder how many people they get turning up to the whole day who were not accounted for in the numbers. How awkward.

I'm not anxious, just confused! And yes I will be asking but, as I said, I was interested to see whether it was confusing for anyone else :)

Why on Earth should SIL confirm? She is not the one getting married. DN is a big girl and can confirm it herself - she doesn't need mummy talking for her. If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to plan it and answer questions.

That's precisely it! I know it'll be more embarrassing for SIL that we felt it necessary to ask and then she'll fret that maybe other people get it wrong too. I was rather hoping it'd be perfectly clear to everyone else and I'd be told I was being really thick! Apparently not though

Goodness this is next level over thinking, just text her and sat “hey is invite for day or evening.x”

We haven't got DN's number. We'd have to ask SIL for it. She'd then realise we wanted to discuss the wedding and ask if she could help in any way etc. etc. Easier to ask SIL outright.

My guess is an invite for the whole day. It’s normally just people you know from work and other acquaintances invited to the evening only. Family, people who are travelling far and close friends are normally invited to the whole day surely.

Anyone else find it really odd that someone has beautiful invitations printed and then hand writes a change of time rather than reprinting if there was an error?

Personally I wouldn’t ask the question directly to SIL, phone for a general chat about the wedding, how thrilled you are to be invited and see how the conversation goes.

Why on Earth should SIL confirm? She is not the one getting married. DN is a big girl and can confirm it herself - she doesn't need mummy talking for her. If she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to plan it and answer questions.

It is not uncommon for the marrying couple to NOT host the wedding breakfast and evening do. Sometimes the parents or other relatives host the parties. And it's the hosts one should approach with questions about logistics.

This sounds like a big enough deal that I'd expect the bride to be asking her uncle and aunt to the wedding. I mean if it were some tiny, intimate thing it would be another matter but it's evidently it's a big do where I would fully expect relatives as close as your DH and you to be invited the whole time. Also I'd expect an evening only invite rather than rubbing it in people's faces that there's a whole load of wedding they're not going to. But clarify all the same I suppose.

Is that not a website for the wedding? I think all the invites we have had since Covid have had a code to scan, and when you put your name in it clarifies which parts of the ceremony apply to you.
Maybe that is not common but our invites (maybe 7) have come from a big geographical area and very different types of 'do's'.

I'm getting married this year. We're having evening guests and day guests but the difference is the evening guests are getting food etc, just not going to the ceremony because it's at a registry office that doesn't hold many people. Might that be the case here?