Are we invited or not?

[WeddingConfusion]

We've received an invitation to DH's niece's wedding later in the year but it's not clear to us whether we're invited to the whole day or just the evening.

On the front of the invitation our names have been beautifully handwritten but the rest of it - details, inserts and RSVP card - are all printed.

One of the inserts is an Order of the Day giving timings of everything from guests arrival, ceremony, photographs etc. through to carriages at midnight. Based on the fact we've been sent one of these DH and I are assuming we're invited to the whole day. However...

Underneath the printed details of the date and venue, in the same beautiful handwriting, it says "evening party starts at 19.00". This is half an hour earlier than the time on the Order of the Day and it's making us wonder if that's the time for evening guests to arrive and we are, in fact, only invited to the evening. If that's the case though then we don't understand why we've been sent an Order of the Day if we don't need one.

Obviously one of us will have to phone SIL for clarification but before we do I thought I'd put it to a poll and see what others think. It is, of course, quite possible we're overthinking it and it's perfectly obvious (to everyone but us!) but it would be dreadfully embarrassing to turn up to the bit we're not actually invited to or to only turn up in the evening when we should have been there all day!

YABU - It's perfectly clear you're invited to the whole day
YANBU - It's obvious you're only invited to the evening

We haven't got DN's number. We'd have to ask SIL for it. She'd then realise we wanted to discuss the wedding and ask if she could help in any way etc. etc. Easier to ask SIL outright.

Well crack on then, OP - we all want to know!

These days it’s very uncommon! Modern weddings are usually planned and organised by the couple themselves (thank goodness!)

Your niece must be on Facebook/Instagram. Can't you just find her on there and message her?

It's really ambiguous but I think you're invited to the whole day and the evening timing has changed since they were printed
Could you ask another guest if they have the same invitation before you ring SiL?

but why bother doing that

when you can start a mumsnet thread instead 😆

If you’re worried about causing her anxiety by asking, get your husband to do it. She might be more anxious about offending you than him. Plus it’s his family.

I once got a save the date card (which I assumed on the basis of the info in it was asking me to save the whole day), bought a dress, then right up close to the wedding, got an evening only invite. I had to sell the dress as I had no use for it otherwise.

If it turns out you're just there for the evening party you'd better let SIL know that it's a bit confusing in case other evening guests turn up at 12 and have to be <gulp> turned away..

God I'm clenching at the horror of it.

Yes it could all be rather awkward!

Literally posting because I'm confused too and I'm weirdly invested in finding out the answer once you/DH call SIL lol

I have heard of evening guests turning up for the day. I think evening invitations have gotten too formal these days which confuses some people. We had evening guests but it was done really casually with a generic invitation for colleagues and telling the bridesmaids that they can invite their mates afterwards. Didn't send out fancy invitations with RSVPs and dietary requirements.

I am confused.com. look forward to hearing the outcome.

Well, I'm invested. Please let us know!

I haven't voted as I haven't a clue which you're invited to - it's all very confusing 🤔
But I am interested in knowing the answer!

When are you going to ask?

It’s your dhs niece. I can’t imagine an uncle only being invited to just the evening do unless very small wedding or there is a huge backstory. So on that basis alone I’m saying it’s the whole day.

I would have just assumed I was invited to the whole thing and the extra bit written on was just extra info because it appears timings have changed.

I would have seen that just as extra info to let me know how the day and evening are expected to pan out and not found it confusing at all.

It all sounds like everyone else will be confused too! I foresee many awkward moments 😂

That is so confusing and vague, didn't vote as I have no idea!

Just ask.

She is asking, she's said that numerous times.

But in the meantime she interested to know if anyone else finds it confusing! Which I, and many others, do.

I am also intrigued as I would have been similarly confused! It's more likely that you're invited for the whole day but I would want to make sure and not assume.

One of my oldest friends is a bit vague and dappy. She had a few declines from day guests and told a couple of evening guests "you can come earlier in the day if you want too". They turned up at the church, then disappeared as they didn't realise they were now invited to the meal. She got all stressed about it even though she hadn't made it clear and hadn't asked them to confirm. Definitely best to check! SIL might feel momentarily awkward but probably grateful for the heads up so she can clarify for others who might otherwise turn up at the wrong time!

Haven't you asked yet?

rinsing it out for all it’s worth by the look of it