Are we invited or not?

[WeddingConfusion]

We've received an invitation to DH's niece's wedding later in the year but it's not clear to us whether we're invited to the whole day or just the evening.

On the front of the invitation our names have been beautifully handwritten but the rest of it - details, inserts and RSVP card - are all printed.

One of the inserts is an Order of the Day giving timings of everything from guests arrival, ceremony, photographs etc. through to carriages at midnight. Based on the fact we've been sent one of these DH and I are assuming we're invited to the whole day. However...

Underneath the printed details of the date and venue, in the same beautiful handwriting, it says "evening party starts at 19.00". This is half an hour earlier than the time on the Order of the Day and it's making us wonder if that's the time for evening guests to arrive and we are, in fact, only invited to the evening. If that's the case though then we don't understand why we've been sent an Order of the Day if we don't need one.

Obviously one of us will have to phone SIL for clarification but before we do I thought I'd put it to a poll and see what others think. It is, of course, quite possible we're overthinking it and it's perfectly obvious (to everyone but us!) but it would be dreadfully embarrassing to turn up to the bit we're not actually invited to or to only turn up in the evening when we should have been there all day!

YABU - It's perfectly clear you're invited to the whole day
YANBU - It's obvious you're only invited to the evening

Need to confirm diplomatically,

All of this. I really don't think it's confusing or needs clarifying at all. Sounds very obviously an invitation to the full day with some added info about timings.

It would be a bit cruel to invite you just to the evening but let you know about all the other timings! So I’m another one that thinks you’re invited to the whole thing!

You received a wedding invitation and there isn’t even a phone number included? Is it snail mail responses only?!

I'm not sure I've seen a phone number on a wedding invite for a while now that I think of it. If they want to go traditional it's snail mail but most have a website to RSVP at now, or at least an email address. OP mentioned an RSVP card so I assume it's a snail mail one.

Ha! And they’ll be in hats when they needed disco wear

Lol

I agree with this*

Just go for the whole thing. Surely they won’t say anything. And if they do, just tell them that’s what you understood from their invitation.
Done and done and no phone call necessary.
But it would be very poor manners for them to say something and it would be very poor form to only invite you to part* of their celebration.

*This only inviting people to “portions” of the day is just about the rudest wedding behaviour to ever come down the pike.

At first I thought it was obvious you were invited to the evening do only as the hand written bit was clearly the personalised bit relevant to you. But it does sound like it might be a correction to the printed info rather than a personalised bit. I am sure others will be equally confused. How awful if people don't turn up to the service because they think they are evening only.

Sadly Prince Charming cheated and he's now a SBXH.

A sceptical person might think that you're not being very nice there OhPea. They might think you're being a little bit condescending, or pick up on a bit of a "Haha look how hard they tried and it's still not good enough for me, can you all see how silly they are? Three cheers for me, hip hip Huzzah!" vibe. If the sceptics got together and talked about it a bit, they might question how it is a couple can hold you in such high regard that they invite you at great personal expense to share one of if not the most important day of their entire lives with them, while you hold them in such disdain that your knee-jerk reaction is to tell some internet strangers about how silly said couple are. They might even wonder why you'd prefer to get some anonymous social media clicks rather than pick up the phone or send a WhatsApp to say thank you and to clear up the confusion on your end.

I'm not a sceptic myself so I wouldn't know, I'm just saying how some other people might come to think that way.

... and there's the requisite completely unhinged MN response.

You could say "just had the invitation through and we're delighted. I wanted to check - should we get there for/at 7 or between 7 and 7.30?" And send her photos of the order of the day and the handwritten bits so she can check if necessary.
Rather than "are we invited to the whole thing?"

Sorry just seen other stuff going on for you 🌷

I'd say whole thing. Evening only would be a separate invite.

Yep, there’s always one!

more than that usually on mumsnet threads

I reckon you're invited to the whole day but I'm posting so I can come back and see what your SIL says 😆

UPDATE

I managed to speak with SIL earlier and, not being involved in the wedding planning, she agreed it was confusing! After a lengthy chat, going over different possibilities and both ending up unable to come to a conclusion she went off to phone DN and got back to me.

Turns out that we are, indeed, "only" (for want of a better word; we're very happy to be asked to join them for any part of their day) invited to the evening celebration! Apparently the Order of the Day has been included so that we know what to expect in the evening.

To clarify for those who have wondered, we all get on very well as a family but we don't keep in constant contact therefore not "close" with DN in the sense that we see or speak to her regularly. We're absolutely not in the least offended at not being invited to the whole day, it will be lovely to catch up with everyone in the evening!

Thanks to everyone for your comments and thoughts. Some have been highly amusing, especially the snarky ones from @surprisedactually who was clearly invested but pretending not to be 😂

Well your niece has definitely fucked up then. I wouldn't have thought anything from that invitation other than we were invited to the whole thing and RSVPd then turned up.

If multiple people have had the same invitation she might find herself with a few people at the church/ceremony expecting to be part of that and be properly fed.

If I were you I'd suggest to her she calls a few people herself to clarify. Awkward.

Wow, gobsmacked. The most weird thing ever including day information and dietary requirements. They are 100% going to have guests turning up in the day because they are misleading everyone.

Blimey, I would love to be a fly on the wall when lots of extra guests try to find their correct table/place setting at the meal ……

Blydi hell !

Weddings are very over complicated affairs now aren’t they.

Thanks for the update.