Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

The problem is when it’s 3k it has to be quite a contribution to make a dent…

Depending on what sort of party! Defo not 3k, especially when she can't afford it, blows my mind that she thinks that's reasonable when she can't afford it and essentially begging you for it.

A 4 year old party can cost £50 or £200 depending on where it is. It isn't to include the cost of booze

The OP offered a contribution in the form of a birthday cake of their choosing and her friend flounced and rebuffed the offer alluding to the fact that the OP earns more than she does. One can only realistically read that as her saying she should pay a much more significant contribution. I wouldn’t say it’s self-determined when she’s clearly being manipulated for more money than the cost of an expensive cake.

Booze at a 4 year olds party?!?
She hasn’t even started school yet…. Sounds more like a party for the mums!
As god mother the most I’d offer to pay for is a present!!
Set a boundary otherwise she’ll be asking every year! And I scan guarantee if/when you have a child the favour will never be returned

It really is shameless.

It really is! I’ve heard some cheeky demands and very forward requests from people who aren’t very self aware in my time. This is another level though.

The issue here isn’t the cost… it’s the fact she can’t afford it …. If she must have a meet up then maybe she should pay the cost of the hall hire and ask everyone to cover their own food and drink… what she shouldn’t be doing is expecting you to help fund her social life!

I’m American. I live in California where everything is expensive. I think it’s one of the most expensive states to live in the US..
I don’t know a single solitary person who would throw a $4000 party for their child and have the cheek to ask friends & relatives to donate towards it. I don’t know a soul - except somebody like the Kardashians or the Hiltons - who’d throw a $4000 party at all. And they’re fabulously rich and possess very little common sense, evidently. I think lots of people take “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” as a challenge, bless their hearts.
95% of us do possess common sense.
And we drive because we don’t live within walking distance to the shops or schools or the GP. It’s more of a several-mile-hike, if you will.
The US is enormous and spread out.
Your friend is taking the piss, is what she’s doing.
And she’s got no common sense if she’s throwing a huge party and asking you to donate. Either that or she thinks you’re all mugs.

But thanks for roping us all in as “forward.” That’s shocking.
edited to include my thank yous.

A tenner.

Sort of.

Not £4k or even £100 if you plan a picnic in a park and make your own cake...

THIS!!

I'd like to add my thank you for this post.

I'm tired of seeing cheap shots at Americans.

I live in the US, and I don't know a single person who would (a) plan a party like this for a small child, or (b) brazenly expect someone else to foot the bill.

And yeah, I drive a lot. Sue me.

I totally agree with you.

Sorry.. I should’ve said..the OP should not be paying towards it in any way!

i meant for the parents/guardian to pay.. not the godparents or anyone else! Never ceases to amaze me how cheeky some people can be. Glad the ex of the person you knew saw the light and stopped coughing up.

No. She is out of order. That is ridiculous. Turn up with a present for your god child and that should be that. I used to run a kids party company and even for the most wealthy no one spent more than £500 but I didn’t supply booze, just everything for the little people. I only ever did one extravaganza which was for a multi millionaire who could afford it. Big difference.

Op - this is a complete nonsense. 4 year old birthday parties cost around £200 -£300- that is if it is hosted at an activity/party venue where it is charged per head £15 or so. Add in a cake - £20- £50. Lots of people still insist on doing ( ridiculous) party bags. But that’s it. 🤷‍♀️. Some people will buy a couple of bottles of fizz or tea/coffee for any attending /collecting/dropping off parents. But anything beyond that - for a part time working Mom - is completely OTT- incredibly wasteful - and frankly not welcome. Having every weekend taken up with kids parties at that age is a complete PITA . As Godmother. I would ask about an appropriate gift- something that the child would like-or needs. A lovely card. Et voila. You could make a contribution for the cake or a token buy of a couple of bottles of Prosecco or something. But beyond that - I have never heard of a Godparent being asked to pay for a birthday party. I have seen-come across £2,000 First Holy Communion Parties - and I’m pretty sure that with vastly different means - some parents will spend thousands on birthday parties - but not other people’s money.

A child’s party should cost about £50 at most for nibbles and pop. My wedding cost less than £3000 including our outfits 😊

Is she Kim Kardashian???

Absolutely bonkers, you can put on a kids party for a couple of hundred. My kids are teenagers now and I have never been to a party where there was booze for the adults. Most have to drive to parties anyway

Wow. That is unreal! Our eldest child (7) has had a trampolining party and an inflatables party and both of these have been around £270 which includes food for all children. I’ve made a cake & cupcakes and sorted party bags for about £5/child. Think each party has had 10-12 children. Even spending that much is steep when you also have to factor in birthday presents etc! £3k on a ‘4 year old’s party’ is ridiculous. Like others have said, this is a party for the adults, not the kids! Do not contribute!!

What a waste of money.

Just say - yes of course, i'll bring a couple bottles of prosecco to toast her.

Is she Kim Kardashian???

She has some celebrity/ insta famous complex and thinks this is what she 'should do' . A wannabe idiot.

Getting you to pay is the icing on the cake of delusion.

My 50th didn't cost as much as that! DJ hall hire with food provided. Paying bar.

My children's parties were either at home with maybe a bouncy castle in the garden - £200 or at a soft play/sports venue max £300.

It seems ridiculous to focus so much on the alcohol for the parents, wholly inappropriate.

£3k for a kids birthday party is utterly ridiculous! I wouldn’t even expect to pay that kind of money for a 21st never mind a 4th birthday, This certainly doesn’t sound like it’s even for her DC if it’s all about expensive booze. What’s wrong with a soft play party or bouncy castle? YANBU at all, and shouldn’t be expected to contribute a penny, however, as the godmother, perhaps offer to pay for (or towards) the cake for the child. I’d be having a word with my friend about values too, but that’s just me. Good luck 🙂

This!
And the Mum's can bring their own booze!

"Is she Kim Kardashian"

Is this the new "cancel the cheque"? 😂

Most London restaurants are not likely to let people bring their own alcohol.

A kids party is a few hundred maximum. Distance yourself from that friend. Why would you need that much booze at a kids party anyway? Who's left supervising if they all have too much?