Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Rock up with a case of Lambrini and hand it out to the guests

My son's 4th party he had 30 friends a bouncy castle and a party buffet came to about £250 and all the other party's he's been invited to this year have been very similar. She's making the party for her after a couple of hours the 4year old will be knackered that's ridiculous.
Please don't pay anything she's just using you and soo cheeky to even say that to you

That's insane. From my own experience at least half those mums won't even drink because 1. They drove there or 2. They are responsible parents who will keep an eye on their child... in that order...

Just tell her if she insists on booze to fund that luxury herself or go to costco. You are not her walking bank regardless of being a godparent.

What gets me is all this money and the kid will barely remember it!

My daughters is next month (5) she's having the typical bouncy castles in a hall with all her reception friends.... Hall hire, bouncy castle hire, cake, food,party bags and decorations. I'll probably come in just under £400 which I actually think is too much if I'm honest. 3k.... I'd think there's something she isn't telling you about in her finances... that's a ridiculous amount. And mums don't go to these things expecting champagne 😅 we enjoy a 5 minute sit down while our child is busy not bothering us for once lol.

I would not contribute and just buy her daughter a lovely birthday gift as I expect you always do.
It's her child...she's the one planning something she can't afford. My child free friends do have more money than me ...yes... because I chose to have a child, she shouldn't be shaming you for not having kids! I bet you work bloody hard for your money...your not "lucky" you work hard.

I spent about £400, but that was hall hire, a bouncy castle, decorations, plates cups and napkins, plenty of food and actually I did provide a few bottles of wine for the parents, but only cos it's the done thing here. I brought two home and my son went to two settings so there was double the children so double the parents. £3k is about what our wedding cost and she is taking the royal piss if she expects you to contribute! You say her mum friends... are you invited?

Are you invited too ?

Response, My contribution is a gift for my Godchild .

1. That is an excesive amount, even for an 18 year old party!
2. Who in their right frame of mind would even consider to drink alcohol at a 4 year old birthday party? Presumably surrounded by a gang of 3-5 year olds and likely their siblings. In the middle of the day, surely before 6 pm, with the kids on tow..... you have some beers in, in case any parent wants a shandy or a pint, a bit of pimms or similar, that is at most! I , actually, never ever served or got served alcohol at a child's party....

Wow. DS invited 9 friends to a laser quest party (a venue with all included). Cost us 200 and I thought that was alot😅.. Growing up I only invited a couple of friends to my home, my mym made a cake etc. Never felt deprived, we had a blast playing games and eating sweets.
So she wants to show off to her wealthier mym friends and she thinks you should be contributing. I would not want her as a friend. A godmother "should" give a birthday present to her godchild for her birthday and that's it. Seems like she sees you as a friend with (monetary) benefits. No is a full sentence and don't let her take advantage of you.

I threw what I considered an EXTRAVAGANT party for my then 3 year old, as we had just come out of lockdown restrictions. It was all her nursery friends (whole class) plus all our family and friends so a large amount of guests, food, prosecco, bouncy castle, ball pit etc in a large village hall. It was huge and that cost us £400/£500. When I say over the top I mean it, and the lesson I learnt was that it was completely unnecessary. This year my now 4 year old had a home party, 8 friends, husband played games master and a little party food table. Cost about £100. It was perfect and more about my little girl xx

3k for a kids party if this is true she seen you coming a mile off time to wake up. N smell the coffee parties should be within the parents budget where is this so called party harrods or something

Ps how are these boozed up parents getting the kids home from this so called party I would guess most of them. Will drive to the venue the thought of them driving home scares me more then the so called price tag

I'd ignore the text but turn up with a gift for the 4 year old just to see what the fuck this party is! And how she's paying for it with no contributions

As others have said probably about £200 for a kids party. If you want to contribute, why not say you're happy to, but would prefer to specifically contribute an item yourself? E.g the birthday cake or party bags and say you want to buy them yourself as it takes the burden off her. If she wants to shell out for alcohol for adults she can but she can't very well expect you to pay for that. Your commitment is only to her child. However, as others have said she is being completely unreasonable and I think is using you. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated by her.

I spent £400 on my son's and i thought that was alot!

That included hall hire and a bouncy castle.

£3000 is rediculous, especially as she obviously cant afford that. She needs to live within her means.

And alcohol at a childs birthday...WTH. Who drinks alcohol at their childs party like its some kind of night club!

I had a friend ask me to be a godparent which surprised me as they were not religious (nor am I but was christened as a child). Then he let slip after the christening he'd already asked someone else but they hadn't been christened so couldn't do it. So that was pretty sh1te, over time I just parted ways and stopped answering messages because it was always messages wanting help with things but no offers of help in return.
Just distance yourself from all the "takers". You'll enjoy life more.

Has she got an instagram feed?!

Godparents are supposed to be a spiritual/ pastoral guide not cash cows. Apart from my bf and my sister non of my kids GP have anything to do with my kids. If I could go back in time I'd never of had them christened. Non of my other friends have either. Seems utterly pointless. I wish we had just had a naming party or something low key. My son was suicidal as a teen. He received zero input from gp for that. So much for spiritual help.

It's not beyond awkward; it's beyond rude! I'm sorry but your friend is a cheeky bitch!

What she wants is to show off to her school mum friends, to put herself in the popular clique! It's probably what they all do to try and get one up on each other. They may have the means to do it. She doesn't. If she wants a champagne lifestyle, she needs to get a better job to fund it.

My DGD has just turned 4. Soft play with food & party games x 12 friends £120.

Do not give her any money. Do it once, and you will always be her bank card for anything to do with your Goddaughter.

You could offer to buy a birthday cake if you feel you want to contribute anything other than a gift.

Where the hell is it? The Ritz?! When my DD was 4 I hired out a soft play area in our local pub for her classmates and paid a bit extra so they could provide the food probably cost me around £200 with a cake!

£3k for a child's party is madness. Once a year I host a BBQ for family, partners and children. About 25 people. This year I served champagne alongside the usual alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks , we had a lot to celebrate, and the bill for the whole thing food, drinks, deserts came about £600.

Dependent on what type of party you are throwing. We threw one at a soft play when my girl was 6 - £200 but that catered for most of her class, then I have done ones at home, where I bought decorations, food, made party bags etc came to about £100. She is being excessive (our wedding 14 yrs ago only cost £5,000) no, I'm not cheap, we have a certain amount of money and are careful, I know how to shop around and can turn my hand to making things. It is rude of her to suggest you contribute towards the cost. Rock up with a bottle of prosecco (for yourself) and a gift for the 4yr old (thats your contribution) and DO NOT let her make you feel guilty.
Her child, her responsibility

Don't give her a penny piece. It's not for her daughter it's for her boozy chums. Imagine what she'll be asking for in future.

3k wtf! Absoloutly no, if she can't afford it she shouldn't be spending that amount, also she remembers its a child's party right and why is she planning to get everyone sloshed with all those kids around. She needs to give her head a wobble! I'd not be giving her a penny.

If she wants a party of that cost it’s down on her as the parent who spends that type of money on a 4 year olds party that’s a lot of money better to be saving in a trust fund for the child, 3k in the cost of living is a lot of money wish I had that to just waste

About £500-1000 depending on what you are doing and how many people are invited. I exclusively hired a venue for £220 then food was £200, cake £45, party bags £60, decorations £40.
I never serve alcohol though so that would add up. A hall party with no alcohol and food for Kids and adults around £1000 so £3000 is excessive.