Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Your friend sounds pretty awful op. I know you've already offered to buy the cake, but please be careful there, they can cost hundreds of pounds. She sounds like she'll want the most exclusive bakery in London to make the most exclusive cake they've ever made 🙄. I feel sorry for the dc, this party doesn't sound much fun for a 4 year old.
Just for context, you should never be asked or expected to contribute financially to your godchild. Being there for them is what matters.

She is definitely using your naivety to take you for a ride, I would be thinking why she chose you to be Godparent to the child ? She sees you as a easy touch, has she asked you for contributions to things before. I am a God -parent to my niece and we come from an Italian background I have never been asked to contribute to a birthday party.
If she is holding it at a restaurant , they can buy their own drinks, it would be a bit extreme to have an open bar.
I admit I am not in central London but you can get a small wedding down here for not much more in this area.

Absolute madness. Just buy the DC a small gift and let her make a fool of herself. Most parents provide food for DC and some do a buffet for parents but it might £60 for food for parents and a couple bottles of Prosecco. I've never heard of anyone spending this ridiculous amount on a child's party. The DC probably won't even remember it.

You respond, oh great, thank you for the invite, I'll bring a couple of bottles of champagne to contribute 🥂

You're the child's godmother, not the mother's! Wouldn't be giving the mother a penny.

If you did want to put some money aside for the child, much better to invest it for a time when it would be much more useful to them. Like university costs, or buying a house. Certainly no obligation to do that though. And I definitely wouldn't be paying money into any account where the mother could access it!

The word you need is NO with possibly 'thank you' attached'.

Not in the least awkward!

She doesn’t sound like a very good friend and she’s definitely extracting the urine!!
Please don’t give her this money, my kids parties were probably £200 tops.

Oh OP just seen your post recent comment about offering to get a cake of their choosing, don't do it!!! She'll probably end up choosing a £300 cake or something. 🙄

Get a nice gift and leave it at that. Don't stump up anything else.

Why should people know how much a 4 year old's party costs? I've had children and my grandchildren are teenagers so I have no idea what a child's party costs now. Why should I?

Utterly mad. A four year olds birthday party at home with ten kids (for example) shouldn't cost more than a couple of hundred, and that would include entertainment as well. If she wants a piss up for the adults then they can bring a bottle, or she can supply normal wine and beer. Why the need for Methuselahs of champagne?
Just being a nice age appropriate gift for the kid (twenty quid, max?) and your own bottle if you drink.
Piss take central!
Children that young just want space to play and some fun snacks they might not get at home, surely?

My child’s 4th party cost around £250
soft play hire £80
hall hire £75
decorations £15
food and drink including alcohol( Costco and Aldi)

Insanity and beyond cheeky. I’ve done parties for all my kids and the very most the cost was about £500 as we took a group to build a best and the budget I set per child kind of went out of the window. Usually though £200 roughly. I would not buy booze for a kids party that’s just an excuse for it to turn into an adult party, a load of pissed mothers at a 3 year old’s party isn’t the done thing!

Your friend is utterly ridiculous. How embarrassing for her to be so entitled, rude and selfish. The duty of a God parent is to guide the child through life with their life decisions and encourage them to always keep god in mind. It’s not a golden ticket or any form of financial obligation. OP, she is aware of how generous and passive you are and is trying to take full advantage. Why would “school mums” need any alcohol when they have four/five year old school children to supervise? Your friend is the epitome of disgraceful and I’d be keeping my distance and only buying a gift for your GC. As parents we pay for our children’s birthday parties unless you’re incredibly lucky to receive a token contribution from very immediate family such as grandparents. Never, ever friends. I cannot believe what I have just read. The fact she whines about only working PT and you FT with no children is emotional blackmail, plain and simple and irrelevant. She made her choices in life and if she wants a grand life for her child she should get a better paid job to be able to afford it. If she wants a lavish 3k party then she needs to find another job to supplement and pay for it herself. Otherwise, she has to live within her means like the rest of us. I’d love a million pound house with a swimming pool, a cinema room and to be able to take my child on fancy holidays. I don’t have the finances to do that, so shocking we don’t and we suck it up because that’s life and we accept our lot.

Yeah £5K minimum over here - including the helicopter ride for my aviation mad son, me and his dad.

This woman is beyond a CF.

My kids are well past that age but I remember DS being 4, about 10 kids, in garden, made daft hats to wear on craft table, played loads of games and had sandwiches, jelly and ice cream and cake, goody bags with cheap tat to take home. Only DH and I and one parent there, very cheap, great fun. No one had an alcoholic drink, why would we? Probably cost about £50 at today's prices. DD 4th birthday we took them to beach for games and a picnic, again very cheap, fun and only two parents - and NO ALCOHOL! Definitely don't give her any money, it's nonsense!

That is an insane amount of money to spend on a child's birthday party!!
£200 max!

I'd be inclined to reply "are you on drugs?"
She is insane to spend that much money and totally beyond CF to ask you to contribute

Absolutely do not give her a penny towards this crazy plan of hers

£3k for a child's birthday party is utterly ridiculous. Sounds like a piss up for the adults to me. Buy your goddaughter a nice present but ignore any hints for contributions to her party.

nope, nope , nopety nope. £200-£300 ish..for a class party..hall, dj, face painter, home made buffet , cheese and grape board & party bags. No need for champagne. Sounds like it’s more for the parents than the kids..or can do bowling/swimming cheaper

Agree with everyone who's saying . between 100 and 200 pounds for party food, drink and a cake and party bags for the children to take home. Maybe a bit more if you hire an entertainer. At 4 years of age the focus should be on the kids, not the parents. Kids parties last approx 1.5 to 2 hours and even if parents are given champagne, many would be driving so could only drink one glass anyway, and if an average of 10 childten are invited, that's maximum 20 parents, so 3 or 4 bottles of champagne would add another 200 quid. 3k is ridiculous, I have no idea where she got that figure from unless she is inviting 100+ parents!!

Kids birthday parties where adults are getting boozed up are just cringe. It’s nice to offer tea/coffee and cake but I’d honestly steer clear of any 4th birthday party where people were talking about having a hangover afterwards.

I have never paid for anything for my goddaughter’s birthday parties, what a joke. I buy her a nice gift and attended when she was younger, that’s it. Buy a cake if you would like to but don’t feel obligated and definitely assume you’re setting a precedent if you do and that you will be asked again.

Is this woman for real? I would NEVER ask or expect godparents to contribute to anything like this! As god parent The only thing you would be on the hook for is birthday and Christmas presents (of your choice/ budget) . The cheek of some people! BTW a 4 year old party can just be held at home and can cost very little with party snacks, kids that age don’t eat much or even in a venue (party room/ soft play at sports centre with snacks ) would probs only be £20-£35 a head as I remember. If that’s not the case and she wants to make it some glitzy adult party, she can fund that, but I can assure you, that is NOT the norm.

Agree. But even at 200: why isn’t mum paying ??!!

I knew someone else who thought of godparents as a chequebook. She had a wealthy boyfriend for many years and he was devoted to her but she could never … quite… commit. But hung on.

Along comes some good looking piece of meat and suddenly she became full of action and inspiration. Engaged, pregnant, married all in the snap of a finger and at the wedding announced rich ex was going to be godfather. Announced this at the wedding. When baby was born she approached ex for a deposit for the West London nurseries and independent prep schools that you enrol in at birth. I was aghast that ex paid it!

She spent the next couple of years stealth boasting about how she had the best of both worlds: a baby who was bound to be just as handsome as her and her DH, a wealthy man “ who just loves children” funding her DC through London independent school and her hunk of meat in bed 🤨.

Unfortunately, she met her match with another of her type who just played it slightly differently. The ex let he know he would no longer be able to fund the dc as his girlfriend was pregnant…

So these types exist and it’s vile.

Drinking alcohol while in charge of pre-schoolers is never a good idea. I suspect there's more to her request than meets the eye. Is she struggling financially? I am cf and financially comfortable and would gladly lend my friend £3k if she needed it. I would tell her that I think £3k is a ridiculous amount to spend on a four year old's party and that as her child's GM you're happy to chip in for food etc but will not be footing the bill for an adult piss up!