Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

@parkyn OP, you dont need to keep explaining yourself ;)

I wouldn’t give anyone 3k

4 year olds don’t want to go a ‘nice restaurant’ for their birthdays. They want to let rip at a child friendly venue, eat party food and take a party bag of small treats home. Friend is a selfish idiot.

4 year olds don’t want to go a ‘nice restaurant’ for their birthdays. They want to let rip at a child friendly venue, eat party food and take a party bag of small treats home. Friend is a selfish idiot.

Totally this.

I used to spend about £200 on a party. And yep the kids had a great time.

I never spend more than $100 unless we are at a rented venue and then it's not over $300. That's for any of our birthdays never mind the little people. £3000+would be one huge party, why is alcohol needed at a children's party? Are the kids that bad that you need to drink? My group of friends tend to host kids parties in the backyard or at a park with a play area for the kids.
I'd really like to see her budget for this party.

Well if she's in a tight financial situation she really shouldn't be throwing such a lavish party for her child!!!

Offer to take your god child out for an afternoon treat. Take her to do something nice. Pottery painting?
The birthday is for a 4 year old, not a piss up for adults. She is taking you for a mug. Be a mug if you want to, your choice.

I would question what type of friendship you have for her to think nothing of asking you for 3K of your money for a child's party.

Are these mums driving their children home after this boozy party? I did offer a glass of wine at some of my DDs parties, but most refused due to driving. Champagne and expensive drinks not required or sensible, who is meant to be looking after the children? I did swimming parties, bowling parties, toddler gym parties, hire a hall with an entertainer parties none of them exceeded the current equivalent of a couple of hundred. I suspect the £3k will be going on something entirely different than a 4 yr old's party.

A typical 4yo bday party would be 2 hours at a soft play venue for upto 20kids (family and nursery friends) for max £350 in SE London + cake + party bags. Nothing for the adults that come along.

I think you can do it cheaply no problem, or if you want something a bit more special, nicer food, drinks for everyone and no one worrying about it running out, entertainment for the kids, then yes it’ll be expensive. Not £3k expensive but around £1k defs.

Professional cake £80-120
booze £200-500 (selection of Prosecco, wine, beers, soft drinks?)
decorations (balloons (balloon arch?), plates, cake stands, banners/bunting, table cloths, flowers, etc) £100
food £200
entertainment, eg. Soft play/bouncy castle £150-500
Party bags £5-10 per child (but depends on what’s going in them!)
Venue hire? No idea. If it’s at home she might need to buy/hire seating, a gazebo, etc.

It all adds up! Of course she could just not invite all the adults, keep it booze free as it is a kids party and ideally you just want people there for 2 hours max! Supermarket cake and party food for under £100…but sounds like that’s not what she wants 🤷‍♀️ Certainly not up to you or anyone else other than the party hosts to fund it though!

As a party provider myself my cheapest level is £115 and the most expensive £175. Then there’s food and hall hire on top so maybe factor in another £200 if you’re flashing the cash or perhaps £50 if you’re clever with money. Based North Yorkshire, so obs be a bit dearer down south x

Having read your posts OP, she is a CFer and was using you to fund her piss up. It wasn't even about her child. She should be ashamed for using her child to cadge money for alcohol. I'm glad you held firm and didn't fall for it.

I will of course be buying a gift for my GC (as this is the first birthday where she and I will be in the same city) and provide a cake of her choice.

I have never heard of a godparent providing the cake for a birthday party. That's not your responsibility, OP.

This!

I'm throwing a party for my child in a couple of months. The hall hire has cost £16 per hour for 3 hours (2 hour party with setting up and clearing up for 30 minutes each side) plus £5 for electricity use for the full time. And a bouncy castle, ball pool & soft play hire as a set for £75.
So in total, for the venue and entertainment, just over £100. Plus food, will just be heated up pizzas from supermarket, plus nuggets, sausage rolls, crisps, home made sandwiches, etc.
Plus party bag fillers and a prize for Pass the Parcel game. And a shop bought birthday cake.
Certainly nowhere near £3K, probably around £150 - £200 max.
I'm not having champagne nor any other alcoholic drinks at our little one's party though. But I can't imagine spending £1,000s on booze 😅
Not unless it was something like a wedding.
I certainly wouldn't be asking for anyone else to pay for it. Bring some food / a bottle if you like, but I wouldn't even ask for that either unless someone offered, or had special dietary requirements that they would prefer to bring their own. But as it is I've asked all invitees about any dietary requirements to hopefully cater for everyone.
xx

I wouldn't go to the party at all. She's a user.

I don’t think this is ‘beyond awkward’ it is outrageous. All relationships are about managing expectations. What do you expect from your friends and what should they expect from you? It is the same formula that governs parent>child relationships and marriages. Friendships/marriages/parent child relationships, are a window on people’s moral code, their boundaries, their sense of honour. Your friend’s choices are woeful. The child’s birthday party is the excuse, the truthful explanation is that your friend wants what she cannot afford. She wants to get pissed and show off with her chums, she wants to masquerade as a caring Mum doing her best, and she wants the burden of her idiotic choices to be funded by you….and she justifies all of this on the basis that you have the money /she wants your money…and she has the child and therefore you must submit to her bit of blackmail…BTW when I was young, a godparent was there to help and befriend a child as a member of the the Church. It was a commitment to the child’s life as a Christian believing in the Gospel, and the other sacraments associated with the church into which the child was baptized. Now being a Godparent seems to be a device to ensure an inheritance, or a decent chunk of change during the child’s minority. Just say NO, because otherwise be prepared to be stiff armed for funds annually.

Have a look at Sharky and George!

They do great parties but they do cost.

Agree all this. And it is so much easier to say no, I’m not a cash cow and establish that footing with a party than if sporiwchef for school fees, or - harder still - hospital fees etc etc.

My best friend is my LO's GodParent, and I don't ask her for anything, but she always sends a birthday and Christmas gift, usually a little dress or cute outfit, which I then dress her in for her birthday. And I invite her to birthdays, Christenings, events, etc. And occasionally send her photos of her God daughter and tell her of any proud moments or funny stories, like something funny and cute that she may have said. This is to me, the role of a God parent, and when they're older, a trusted adult who they can confide in or ask advice from, in case they don't feel they can discuss certain things directly with their own parents. That's what I think, anyway.
xxx

This is not your problem, if she wants to spend that much than she should pay for it and if she can’t afford it, she shouldn’t be having an expensive party. Just avoid her until the party. She’s very cheeky to expect that of you.

I was also thinking of a Pikachu cake from Sainsbury's for about £10.
But yeah, Caterpillar cake sounds fun, and easier to slice too.
For my own birthday, I'm happy with Aldi's carrot cake for £1.79 LOL
xx

It’s a lot of money for fancy drink that’s let’s face it is going to be flushed down the toilet!

Completely agree. And so heartening to hear of people out there doing things so nicely - both you and her - for your LO.