Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

@FFSTeenagers to be honest, they also have no idea of what is acceptable to wear in certain situations either, like funerals or offices!!! I am team Mum

If it's a woman posting, surely it's important to know the correct {GCSE Biology level} terms?

No man would refer to his penis as his ''Foreskin'' - It is important to know one's own basic anatomy.

The "Scandi" comments miss the point that full nudity is not sexualised. These bikinis are blatany, overtly and deliberately sexualised.

Thank god my did never wore bikinis like this.
I’ve recently retuned from a holiday where lots of women wore tiny, thong bikinis. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Most of them were fatter than a size 6 and wandered around with virtually everything hanging out.
It wasn’t pleasant seeing bare arses wobbling about whilst queing for a coffee I can tell you.
Its a shame girls feel pressured into wearing these cheese graters. Men don’t do it.

There is nothing unfeminist or grey area or teenage-experimental etc about this. She's on holiday with grandparents. They're by a public pool, with strangers around. She's 15 and not responsible for herself. My answer to my DD would be NO.

If she were with me (not even DH or her brother) or her girlfriends only, and it was a villa with a private pool I wouldn't care. I used to sunbathe topless at her age.

But on holiday, with grandparents, by a public pool?

NO.

@Dibbydoos I feel your pain * My 23yo big busted DD wouldnt wear a bra under a tiny top when we wrre in the USA shopping with a guy we'd met on a cruise - he offered to take us shopping as we had a spare day in florida.

I said she should have worn a bra and I got the same line as you did.

I left my DD to it, I was mortified at times, but what can you do?

I am a feminist but I am also practical and putting it out there could make you a target so best to play safe imo*

So it’s not okay for your DD to decide whether to wear a bra or not, but it’s absolutely fine to be taken shopping by a man you had just met??
Your barometer of what is risky behaviour is way off.

Those bikinis are unflattering on pretty much everybody IMO. It’s the tiny triangles over the nipples that look weird. The bottom bit doesn’t look so weird but always reminds me of a jock-strap without the jock.

I don’t think you should confront her. Just try to gently persuade her that there are nicer bikinis out there. If you push too much, she’ll dig her heels in. You could also try the ‘hey, we need to be understanding with granddad who was born in a different century’ thing.

I completely understand, OP. She's young and immature and not au fait with what it all means. It would be lovely if female clothing was not so sexualised or if blokes by the pool didn't have camera phones.
You're her mum. She's in the wrong. Stick to your guns.

all for discussing pretty much everything on here… but do we really need to be discussing whether a 15 year old is, or is not flashing her coochie, major or minor, and what that says or doest’t say about all involved? OP … ffs…. just go and deal with it yourself! Either tell her to get changed or get over it. This whole thread is ridiculous and horrible!

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld Interested to hear what you think overweight people are wearing to the office or funerals which you consider inappropriate and what your alternative choices would be?

Exactly 💯

So don't look? I'm not covering up just because I'm fat
I regularly swim outdoors in a bikini and nobody has keeled over yet and I've never once looked at someone there and thought "they shouldn't be wearing that" (except for "ouch, he could do with some swim shoes on that gravel"

I was hoping it was hyperbole rather than a lack of knowledge of body parts but who knows!

I’d be pretty horrified at someone wearing that on a family holiday, BUT it’s done now. She’s rather sneakily switched out the ones you thought she had for these ones. It’s all about damage control now. You’re there for three weeks all together.

First, those bikinis aren’t designed for straight up and down girls. You can see the pictures shared on here - they’re for showing off boobs hips and bum. That’s what she wants to do. She’s seen this is a fashionable option now and wants to look amazing in photos to show her friends. She clearly hasn’t really thought through that she’s not on a glam girls cruise but on holiday with her grandparents.

This is a “made your bed lie in it” situation. Just let her wear them. She may well find they’re a. impractical and b. she’s starting to feel embarrassed in front of lovely grandparents. I’d ensure a “nobody say anything” protocol. She is going to have to experience this for herself.

Second, tbh, I’d say to her “look darling, you look incredible in this bikini. I am freaked out because it’s so grown up and in front of family rather than your girlfriends, and your grandparents can see your entire arse and most of your boobs, but you look amazing.” It might feel like the last thing in the world to worry about body confidence when she’s just emerged in three micro triangles and a wisp of string, but it’s all pretty formative how people react right now.

oh, and if she’s anything like my teens, don’t say a thing about “maybe we can buy you another one at the shop if you decide you don’t want to wear these ones”. Nothing more certain to ensure she backs herself fully into a corner. Just walk past swim or coverup shops occasionally.

I don’t think you realise how skimpy these bikinis are.

It sounds like her vulva is already on show and as OP said she can ALMOST see her vagina.

One wrong move and people would see her vagina (as I can confirm when my bikini bottoms slipped to the side on a water slide).

Posters are being a bit pedantic with this.
OP has also said she can almost see her nipples, even though it will be breasts on show.

Surely the issue is her age? As an adult she can go out naked if she wants but as a 15 year old child, she shouldn’t be wearing something so revealing. I personally hate bikinis of any type in kids, I’m not old fashioned and consider myself a feminist but I don’t like to see children sexualised.

Men do wear budgie smugglers or mankinis!

That's vile.

Whoever said men don't do it has never been to southern Spain. Most of them were in speedos, can't imagine there was much more left to the imagination than what ops daughters wearing but nobody had to retreat to their room from embarrassment.

Yes quite. But it’s been pointed out a few times already. We don’t need the continued ‘clever’ comments.

Kate Middleton wasn't 15.
People seem to be overlooking this factor.

Here is something your daughter should check out:

You're absoultely right. It's the sexualisation in a way that full nudity wouldn't be.

It’s not “feminist” for a 15-year-old (a minor who can’t consent to sex) to wear sexualised skimpy clothing based on a porn aesthetic which invites people to see women as a sex object, I don’t know why this notion is so popular. Arse cheeks on show is porny, not normal in any context but certainly not for a holiday with grandparents! It’s grim grim grim, and a horrible porn culture for teenage girls to think that this is not just normal and fashionable but also somehow empowering. It’s not.

OP you’re right to find it not acceptable, and if DD is unwilling to swap them for more appropriate items, then yes maybe taking a few pics of her in them from all angles (with her consent of course!) so that she can see what it looks like and what the view is for grandpa and grandma, might help make your point! Teenagers often don’t quite realise what they look like to others - especially from angles they rarely see - and she would probably be mortified to get a sense of what these swimwear items look like to everyone else.