Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

I remember everyone being in bottoms only. I was when I was 15.

100% agree.

Why is she bringing them on a family holiday? It would be fine if she was a few years older and was wearing them on a girls holiday, but I just don’t see the desire to be wearing that sort of thing in front of your grandparents.

I’d be worried that she hoping to get some ‘killer’ pics in them to send to her friends which teenage boys (and possibly older men) will get their hands on.

Did she use your card to order them? Or does she have her own? What other stuff could she be buying?

I would also be pissed off that she is ordering Shein, not only is it a sweatshop which pays people pennies, it actively encourages fast fashion. I would also be pissed off id bought her ones which she obviously didn’t like.

You can be slim with curves don't you know? A friend of mine is a petite size 6-8 but has a big bust like 30E.

OP, YANBU

A few years ago, my darling niece was travelling Europe and put a post on SM of her in a bikini , even smaller then that one, I had to text her and say I can see your inner lips - because you could. She thankfully took it down

She still wears just enough to cover the nipples when out with her friends but she knows that when she stays here, we find it embarrassing , her granny is 86 and we are in our 60's so does have the decency to wear something with a bit more coverage - not a lot more but at least I dont feel Im her gynaecologist

Going to be fun in a couple of weeks when we are going away together - her with her barely there swimwear, and me in my cycling shorts and rash vest :)

Yes I read it before I posted. That is a very processed, in fact over-processed image. That is an image that is designed to appeal to a certain audience. So it has been tailored. Happy with what I wrote, not so happy that this image is considered to be normal by people, including you. So look again please at the image and the adjustments that have been made to supposedly reach an "ideal" female image.

Look you're on hols with family. She wants to wear something skimpy. Where is the harm .let her relax a little. Unless she's top less then I Don't see the issues. She doesn't need to be told she's " curvy" either!

She’s young, she’s beautiful and she’s starting to feel sexy. I don’t believe that bikinis, however skimpy, are wrong for her to wear. The issue seems to be that her adult relations are uncomfortable to see so much of her developing body. But she’s still a child and she’s their daughter, or grand daughter. I think this is something the adults need to get over.

This is a private pool, right? I’d be more concerned if she might attract interest from creepy men. Maybe that’s the boundary, OP? This kind of costume is something she should wear in private but not out at the public pool. Because she might not like the resulting attention, or like it but find it brings problematic follow-up behaviour .

I was thinking similar. She must have some amount of confidence!

Op I honestly don't envy you. You don't want to strip her of her confidence but you don't want her being a spectacle.
A wrap or something might be the answer - stop you getting burnt

Its better for her to wear this around you and try to provoke you than wear this outside a safe area with zero adult supervision. I had a phase like this. Just better to roll your eyes. But as other posters have mentioned. True equality means that she can walk down a street topless and not be treated like a piece of meat. Its your 85year old man’s problem if he’s worried he’s going to get an erection on a 15 year old child. Let me guess… he didn’t mind enjoying it on page 3 but reality makes him squirm? Pathetic.

But as long as women are posing for glamour shots, Only Fans, Page 3, porn sites etc and mainstream media continues to sexualise females, it’s just a counter intuitive pipe dream…

YANBU.

So in the meantime, we are just encouraging young girls, in the guise of ‘empowerment’ to dress for men’s desires…

Agree dottie. I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill frankly being tearful and having rows on holiday spoiling that holiday over a teenagers bikini is daft. Sadly it’s the fashion.

You either go strict and jeopardise your relationship and risk body issues and her always remembering what you say to her about her body or you just flipping chill out. I recommend the latter. Your parents are not fragile flowers they’ll survive and I’m sure the four of you are all massively annoying her too but in different ways.

Honestly I’ve got friends quite literally going through hell with their teenage girl they would kill for this being the worst issue.

@FFSTeenagers This isn’t about feminism, or even grandad’s embarrassment. This is about a Mum and a daughter, who is only 15. She bought what she thought were fashionable bikinis, the type she sees women wearing on tv. She probably thought she looked good, and didn’t expect everyone to start having a go at her. Deep down she is probably every bit as upset and embarrassed as you are. I think the key with teenagers is to pick your battles. You need them to take notice when it’s a really serious situation that affects her safety, so it’s unwise to make a big deal of anything that isn’t. I still get into arguments with my grown up girls occasionally and sometimes have to remind myself that at I’m not just another acquaintance, I’m Mum so what I say has more of an emotional impact.
Mum, I think you need to be the grown up, cos you of course you are, give her time to simmer down, then go up and apologise for having a go at her in public. Tell her that she looks gorgeous and sexy and has a beautiful figure, but that isn’t really appropriate for a holiday with OAPs. How would she feel if you wore a bikini like that? I would also say (if I were you) that I am concerned about the reactions of strange men, and that while she ought to be able to wear whatever she wants we just don’t live in that world, so as women we need to be conscious of our own safety. Explain that because you love her you want to protect her, and are very worried that swimwear will attract the wrong kind of attention. Try to treat her like an adult, even though she isn’t really one yet, and try to stay calm. She’s a teenager and we all know that the more you tell her not to do something the more she will want to do it. If you can afford it take her shopping to get something more appropriate for a family holiday, or maybe a sarong or cover up for when she’s out of the pool. Tell her there will be plenty of opportunities to wear skimpy bikinis when she is older and going on holiday with her friends, but for now ask her if she can cover up a little just so the grandparents feel comfortable? I hope everything gets sorted and you have a lovely holiday xxx

Is there any possibility of leaving her there and taking her elderly grandparents and elderly relatives and quietly moving to another resort? Slip out while she's fannying around...

My in laws are pretty annoying but I respect the way they never negatively comment on our teens outrageous outfits always “that’s nice dear” approach and they’ve only had boys so all new to them.

Dont be daft. I’m quite sure if Grandad sashayed up to the pool in this the 15 year old would have plenty to say once she got over the shock. Mankini

Yes I appreciate the op has clarified, I did make an assumption and I’m sorry for that. It wasn’t a huge leap considering how awful some speak about their young children (especially daughters) still growing bodies on here, but in this case I was wrong.

🤣🤣

Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the little donkey. I’m pretty unshockable but if my fifteen year old came prancing out in that I’d be chasing her around the pool trying to cover her with a towel.😂

The issue is although she is a child, she is very close to being an adult. At this point you need to save putting your foot down for really serious things. And this is not it.

2-3 years isn't very close not relative to the life of a child.

I wore teensy tiny little bikinis.
The difference is, my mum never shamed me for it and I managed to grow up with my morals intact.
Even nice girls can wear itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikinis.
I’d concentrate more on what your daughter thinks than what she wears.

I totally agree that swimwear should cover your whole butt, whole vulva and whole breasts.

But, I also wouldn't comment on or control what a 15 year old wears. Sounds like she has made a poor clothing choice that she will probably be embarrassed about in future but no harm will come to her.

Is her anus covered? Her vagina, her nipples? If yes then it isn't indecent exposure so let her crack on without comment.