Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

It’s absolutely not grandad’s fault - I’m sure he’s not worried about getting aroused, what a horrible thing to say! Grandad, and Grandma, were brought up at a different time in a different way, and it’s unfair to expect them to suddenly become different people. They are in their eighties and frankly they aren’t likely to be around much longer. If this turns out to be their last holiday together (and that could easily be the case) does daughter want to look back knowing she spoilt it for them? OP just wants a nice family holiday with everyone getting along - it’s not fair or reasonable for daughter to make them feel uncomfortable. I reckon if Grandad was swanning around in Speedos she’d have something to say about it!

The elderly grandparents lived through the 60s & 70s, they aren't Victorians, I'm sure they will cope with a teeny bikini.

So the ones you bought together didn’t arrive…if they had she’d be wearing them I presume. No point in ruining the holiday. Breath…and be more organised next time. Honestly what do you expect her to wear now ?

The focus on the grandparents' not being comfortable with this isn't the main issue. It completely avoids the wider issue of pornified sexualisation of young women.

I think by “didn’t arrive” OP means “DD left them at home”.

Ask her how she'd feel if her grandad paraded around in a thong.

The elderly grandparents haven’t said anything. Op just feels that her 15 year old showing her bare bum and breasts isn’t appropriate in front of them.

If you are still reading Op how did it work out? Hopefully things settle down and you can all have a nice holiday.

This - holiday isn’t probably the best time to go into that in any depth though. But she does need to be aware so she doesn’t make the same mistake when you’re not there to look after her. When she gets older she can wear tiny bikinis if she wants, but she should understand how complicated, problematic and dangerous issues around fashion and women’s clothing can be.

Okay if she left them at home I’d have a word later. But honestly as long as she’s not sunbathing topless this isn’t a hill to die on. Don’t ruin the holiday and don’t fight with your dd - you can have a calm discussion about it another time.

If granddad is in his 80s, then he was relatively young in the the 1960s.
Young women wore string bikinis then too — my older sister did. Her friends did.
Grandfather saw them - perhaps he’s forgotten.
Or perhaps mum is making a bikini out of a molehill.

Prosecco can get you through this.

That's a bit snarky, OP. Comment was valid.
However, I'm already dreading scenarios like yours and my dc is only 6 mos! I'm sorry it has gotten you so down. Not a great way to start off a multi-generational family vacay. FWIW, I agree with a couple of prev ideas: explain about Shein and being a bit more modest around family. Good luck! 🩷

I think it's more about seeing your baby girl growing up... 🤔

My mother wore a denim bikini. Although it was a bit larger than the ones posted, it was extremely shocking for the time.

Yeah, cos a young woman of her age is going to be on MN!

I'd never wear anything so skimpy in front of my family. YANBU OP, and there are an awful lot of strange people on here who I advise ignoring. I understand entirely where you are coming from. I dressed inappropriately as a teenager without really thinking about it and my parents had to point it out to me. I would say she can wear those (vile) bikinis with her friends if she likes, but not on a family holiday she presumably hasn't paid for, and certainly not in front of her parents and grandparents.

If she wants to wear them, perhaps she could sunbathe on a private terrace or something for a bit.

Yes she has a lovely figure but that kind of thing just looks nasty. I hope she realises that less so often is more... that showing your fanjita to the masses is not attractive, and that nobody ever looks good in crap like that. The models don't. They just look silly.

PLUS yes give her the environmental lecture about Shein!

I hope you have a lovely holiday.

Ooh I have a good question. Ask her if she’d like to go the local naturist beach as a family. If she doesn’t bat an eyelid, fair play to her.

What an idiotic post - I despair of some people and their thought processes.
If anyone is pathetic, it is you.

I think a 15 year old wearing this with friends and no parents about is not a good idea. If you put the DD first, she is far safer wearing it around her parents.

"Fanjita?" 😂

I've heard va-jay-jay, hoo-hoo and hoo-ha, but not fanjita. 😂

Yes, because, as has been reported today, young men behaving badly towards women is getting out of hand. Grandad isn’t the real problem. It’s attracting the wrong sort of man. In one year, she can do what she wants. A woman should be free to make choices but that’s assuming men are reformed characters. Doesn’t seem that they are so why poke the bear? On a post gcse holiday with friends it might not be grandad around the pool. It would worry me.

I took my DD on a Nile Cruise at 15. Very much covered up on shore excursions but the wolf whistles and comments were relentless towards her. Another woman on the boat thought it didn’t matter - she was from Eastern Europe. It didn’t to her but my DD didn’t like it. A private pool is a protected environment. Being ogled at all day in a different setting might not be fun unless she enjoys attention. That might need a chat. There’s a middle way and it’s still a bikini. Just a bit more of it.

I’m not sure the bikinis of the 60s and 70s were a small piece of string floss across the anus and the entire bum out. The G-string porn-style bikini is a rather recent phenomenon. I was in a hotel pool with my own mum (in her 70s) last year when I saw one of these very revealing swim outfits for the first time — even the porn of the 70s didn’t feature such items 😆 They’re very much of the current internet porn-influenced OF-style culture, that’s precisely why they make people uncomfortable in family settings.

My mum’s no prude, but even she was shocked to see this young woman in the hotel pool with all of her bum and most of her breasts on display (it was during a kids-permitted slot so there were families in the pool too, and it wasn’t suitable for that environment either!)

I don’t get why so many posters think there’s no issue. They aren’t just ordinary bikinis for the sun, they’re modelled by adult influencers because they’re meant to look like sex wear, hence why they aren’t suitable for 15 year olds to wear in public - just like you wouldn’t want your 15-year-old walking around the house in a G-string and fetish-style strap bra!

OP have you thought about reframing this? You should be proud of your daughter for the way she responded. She’s bang on that 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body' and it shows that she’s confident in herself and your relationship to argue this.

It’s scary that she’s growing up and it’s normal to feel worried about this but you must have done something right to raise a confident, feminist daughter!

The only worrying thing from your posts is that your father went inside because of his granddaughter wearing swimwear at a pool? This is much more of a concern.

if you’re happy that everything is ok there then enjoy your holiday!

No I would not allow that and nor would her dad. There is no need and it’s tat.

However, you have told her and she’s stormed off. I think, at this point, all you can do is let her make a show of herself this morning. Take lots of towels and sarongs! Then later on, buy her something else in the hotel shops / town / resort - like “oooh isn’t this nice, so much better quality than the cheapo stuff in the shops at home… this is what they all wear round here, isn’t it….” etc etc.