Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

@Gummybear23 nahhhhhh women have ben wearing bikinis like this for yonks. I can remember being a kid in the late 80’s and seeing loads of women in Florida wearing the small string bikinis on the beach.

No, she had curves - boobs and hips. At a size 6 she isn't fat, she is shapely.

Curvy is used these days as a polite way to describe someone who is fat, but it's real meaning is simply someone with curves.

I’d be instructing her to not wear them, as she is 15yrs, not 18yrs. I’m amazed some people here think a child being 15yrs entitles them to wear what they like and when they like.
Sure, she’d strop, but that’s the result of unsuccessfully pushing boundaries. As long as it’s done with love and kindness, she’ll understand.
My DD is of similar age and managed to find the smallest, skimpiest bikinis possible from Next and they were only just acceptable on our holiday!

You're not overreacting OP and your concern is valid. No way would I be happy for my DD, who is about to turn 15, to wear a bikini like that. It's straight from the Andrew Tate playbook of how women should present themselves for men.

Nude is very different to scantily clad. The former is usually not attractive, the latter can be highly sexualised.

YANBU OP. I'd be furious with her.

I feel for you OP. Those minute bikinis are tacky as hell, and, I would bet, flimsy and uncomfortable.

With the benefit of hindsight, saying nothing would have allowed her to discover this and discreetly buy/ask you to buy something with a bit more coverage.

The danger is that after a row she will dig her heels in. But I’m not sure that there is anything else you can do. But it would definitely be worth having a chat about Shein’s terrible record on human rights and the environment.

How comfortable would your dd be if the other females in your group decided to wear similar or the men super tight speedos.
Tell her to cop on and stop making her family members uncomfortable. Bring her off tomorrow to buy something more suitable and bin the other rubbish.

You can buy them for a fiver or less on Shein

I’m sure your DD would have something to say if her grandad wore the male equivalent of skimpy swimwear

It does seem sad that we equate feminism with wearing next to nothing. Who are they actually doing that for?

her body doesn't look lovely. Far too skinny - rib cage so pronounced - yet decent sized boobs so perhaps not real?

Just read that bit back ⬆️

Sounds awful and I would hate it too. Just seen the link and yes too small

Op has confirmed it’s like this one.

YANBU OP. I look back at some of the things I wore as a teenager and wish someone had said something. I was so naive about men (as are clearly many others on this thread). It's incredibly sad that young girls have been sold this as "feminism".

OP I think you are right to ask her to wear something more appropriate, but I think with teens it’s about how you go about it.

I’ve thought about what my approach would be (2 x teen DDs here) and here’s how I would tackle it:

Me, taking her into her room privately: Oh God, DD, Grandpa’s not coping well with your bikini. What happened to the ones we bought?
Her: I like this one. I can wear what I like.
Me: Of course you can, but the grandparents are flipping out and it’d probably be more sensitive to wear one that’s a bit more covered up. Have you got one?
Her: No. I don’t like the ones we bought any more. I didn’t bring them. They should get over it.
Me: I know, but to respect them would you mind if we go out tomorrow and get another one? Sorry, I just don’t think they’re ready for this 😂 [have a giggle]

In other words, treat her like you’d treat anyone with whom you have to have an awkward conversation.

Unlike many on here, I would not want her wearing the bikini when just with friends. I think it could attract attention she is too young to deal with. I would let her wear it around her parents where she can be protected. But I would also ask her to at least take some kind of cover up to the pool so she can put it on if she wants to. Then I would ignore, ignore, ignore.

Its simple etiquette! There are clothes appropriate for work/wedding/lounging house. Same here. There are bikinis suitable for a girls holiday and ones suitable for a family holiday with your grandparents. OPs DD needs to learn this.

I’d also be cross at the waste of time and money buying 3 Roxy/Next swim and then deliberately not packing them. It sounds like they shopped together and the girl chose them - if labels removed or too long since purchased can’t return so probably over £50 wasted.

@FairyLightBan There have been links! Think 2 triangle postage stamps, one triangle ant the front and lots of string tying the triangles together. Plus a good Brazilian that costs more than the bikini. It’s not swimwear. It’s just for posing in. Enhanced women model them on Shein. Love Island is tasteful by comparison. These are £8 bikinis made in sweatshops by women and silly 15 year olds buy them and say they are feminists. They are manipulated DDs but they don’t get it.

It's funny how clothes that are 'empowering' for women in the name of Third Wave feminism seem to make it look like the women are naked. 🤔

What has this got to do with anything?

Oh come on! The OPs DD just used the feminism angle to defend her choice. I doubt she believes it.

Once she has been out in the sun and burnt bits of skin that haven't always been in the sun, she will have to cover up won't she?

This. She's comfortable in her own style, leave her alone before you give her a body complex FFS. No point huffing and puffing and causing an atmosphere on holiday over a bloody swimwear outfit.

I’m with you.
She is a child.
You absolutely get to have a discussion (hopefully one that doesn’t make her feel ashamed about her body) with her about her attire if you think it is inappropriate and try to come to a happy compromise.
When she is older she can wear what she wants, but right now she is your child and your responsibility.
Do what feels right for you.
Feminism is way more nuanced than one blanket ideology.
Many feminists have different views on these types of things.
Not wanting your CHILD to walk about in what any rationale person can see is (rightly or wrongly) a sexualised garment, does not make you anti-feminist.
Saying ‘Lot’s of girls her age wear those types of bikinis’ doesn’t mean you have to go along with it.
There has to be a happy medium surely…