Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

I wouldn't like it either, OP, but it's not illegal and I'm not sure how you can make her wear something more covered. I'm actually surprised she wants to, since her parents and grandparents are there with her.

What do you think is her motivation? If she's done it to piss you off then you going nuclear is exactly what she wants. Does she want to look sexy? Or just fashionable? No teenager is going to take advice from Mum on those fronts but if you know why she's doing it then you can get a better idea of how to handle it.

It's not objectifying her.

It's not being comfortable with an almost adult being almost naked in public.

Thank you.

I'm super proud of my daughter. I just don't want her looking like a Love Island Wannabe.

FFS, she is 15. She is on a family holiday and you have every right to tell her NO. She is being very selfish. Let her flounce off to her room but don’t allow her to make everyone else uncomfortable.

Three bikinis is not unreasonable for a holiday.

You do you I suppose.

It was at her request.

I’d confiscate or bin those bikinis and buy her something more suitable. As she left the suitable ones at home, this should come out of her holiday spending money.

@NonPlayerCharacter Yes I'm concerned about deceit and defiance. She didn't simply disobey. She actively plotted to "disobey" a rule set for comfort of all on a family vacation. She acted in spite.

Already have! You are 100% correct.

I’m aghast at some of the responses here. She’ll be old enough to wear skimpy bikinis soon enough. That time is not now. Your DD will thank you in years to come for saving her from her young self.

I don't like those bikinis but I wouldn't get worked up about it enough to spoil my holiday. If you argue about it she's probably just going to get defensive. It's possible that she might start to realise it's not very practical herself but not want to admit it - teenagers are not great at backing down. I would probably say to her, when you're not arguing, that you understand that's the fashion but they're not really made for swimming so would you like me to get you another one from a local shop? As for grandparents - I don't really think anyone of that age in my family would really care that much.

This is genuinely really really horrible.

I think YANBU - I'm a feminist, and quite comfortable with nudity, but in the right context - nudist beach, yes, home alone, yes, in my parents back garden, no, in front of my teen daughter, no, because she doesn't want to see my naked arse, as she has told me.

Your daughter is old enough to know that she's making her grandparents feel uncomfortable - you also, but she probably have more concern for their feelings than yours.

I would be concerned that men would see her bikinis as deliberately sexy, and that she's older and looking for male attention.

Lots of men haven't got the memo that women can wear anything they like, and sleezy men may well hit on her, and at 15, she's unlikely to have the experience to tell them to shove it.

I don't think that wearing very skimpy bikinis has to be accepted as the norm for 15 year olds, and you have a right, and responsibility, to guide her in how she presents herself while she's still so young.

Though I think the idea of you wearing one of them is genius.

Thank you.
After one large wine, I'm feeling tearful about this whole thread.

Are you sure the grandparents even care? I was topless at 15, 40 years ago, and no-one cared. DM would be 92 now, and also not care. Honestly, the problem is you OP.

It would have been interesting to have had the voting enabled on this one - I imagine there would be quite a lot of "YANBU".

It's inappropriate for a family holiday, yes. And actually, probably not great generally. Twice when I was 15, my mum stopped me going out in certain outfits - one was fetish boots and DIY cut up demin skirt, which barely covered my bum. It was a "my house, my rules". I stropped but got over it, then went out to wear a lot of skimpy nonsense at 18 when I left home and whst my parents didn't know, couldn't hurt them. In your circumstance, I can hear my mum saying "ME AND YOUR FATHER HAVE WORKED DAMNED HARD TO PAY FOR THIS HOLIDAY - WE DON'T GO AWAY OFTEN, AND WE WON'T HAVE YOU RUINING IT WEARING THAT!!!". That would have been the end of it!

If any of the swimmers in the Olympics are wearing bikinis such as the ones shown on this thread I would be very, very, amazed. In fact I just looked at a neighbouring country's swimwear designs for Paris and they couldn't be more different 😂 Never seen a gymnast or woman in track events wearing a few triangles either.

Strangely enough, I don't recall ever seeing anyone wearing so little on the beach here either. Contrary to what MN believes not every teen girl in the world is intent on wearing as little as possible.

This is beyond ridiculous. DD IS 15, and on a family holiday. Let her “experiment with skimpy clothing and explore her body” elsewhere.

Hahahahaha….sorry it is funny though that she’s binned off your middle aged Next crap (I mean not that Shein’s amazing but…..). She’s 15 if this is the worst she does you’re doing okay. Choose your battles.

Also you’ll have forever have lost a bit of respect from her over this….she’ll
still remember years and years later.

Like at pole dance night at the local club?

Quite honestly I think you should ask for it to be removed. If you’re feeling tearful, imagine how your daughter would feel if she knew you’d started a thread on here discussing her in this manner, regardless of how inappropriate her personal choices may have been.

OP you are right but are getting a really hard time for whatever reason. I had the same sort of convo with my 16-year-old on holiday but she did take it reasonably well.

Out with her peers, yes.

Topless is different. As a PP said, there’s something very sexualised about these micro bikinis.

OP I hope you know your instincts are right. Your concern comes from a place of protectiveness, that’s clear to anyone who actually thinks about the situation you’re facing. I’m sure you’ll get this resolved.