Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

I don't respect my parents any less for having boundaries for me when I was a teenager - why would I? They also drew the line at certain outfits. At the time I was dramatic about it, but as an adult I completely understand what they were getting at...

You've had a lot of criticism on this thread. I love this idea - your final paragraph. I tease/challenge my teenager (male) a lot on different issues. It's good for them - for many reasons. Primarily it is a different view to their normal peer group. But also they realise that their parent has a whole range of different experience. Mine normally looks and sounds bored until a word hits and he's like - but Mum you never said? Teenagers need adults who really care for them - really care. And they know it. And that will mostly be Mum, Dad, step parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents. My role is not to be my son's best friend - it is to be his critical friend. I love him, I want the best for him, but not at all cost.

This is absolutely not a feminist issue. I would object to seeing male genitalia just as much as female. She needs to have her privates covered appropriately. The end.

@NotSoHotMess24 no OP’s basically told her she’s too fat to wear those types of bikini…she might not realise right at this point but she’ll remember and then will.

Agreed. No genitalia in public.

Larger boobs are everywhere and women wear very skimpy tops with larger boobs. Their choice. The SHEIN models are wearing skimpy things with big boobs and DD is copying this look. DD here thinks she can wear what she wants. Taking no notice of her mum at all. Boobs aren’t scandalous if they are big. They just get ogled at by men. Overall it’s shitty.

Love island etc influence the generation.

Need to look sexy or buff.

😔
15 year old is young.

Don't be ridiculous.

Yes, I think there seems to be an assumption that males would not do this, and yet women's (and girls') bodies should be available to view.

It's not a feminist issue.

It is a lack of respect for yourself and others around you.

I wouldn't let ds wear trunks that his balls were hanging out of either.

I agree with you op.
I would not have wanted my daughters wearing that type of bikini on a family holiday .

YANBU op. I often look at girls your dd age and wonder why on earth their parents haven’t told them how ridiculous/awful they look. I know exactly the kind of bikini you’re describing and it is truly well and beyond anything any posters would have been able to buy when they were teenagers. I have worn a modesty g string having a Brazilian bikini wax that covers more. There’s skimpy / pushing boundaries then there is truly ridiculous. Don’t give up! And for the record I think photos are a good shout - often it’s seeing myself in a photo that has shocked me to my senses!

Are you normally so dramatic, OP?

I would be furious about my kid buying off shein due to human rights and slavery issues. I would be furious about raising a kid who thinks dressing like that is something to aspire to (because let’s be real, all of the clothes on shein and PLT and boohoo and all that shit are utterly tacky and horrible. They look flammable!). I would be furious that I’d bought 3 bikinis and they’d been left at home.

I would then laugh and move on RATHER THAN RUIN AN AMAZING FAMILY HOLIDAY. I wouldn’t cry about it or post on mumsnet. I would take the piss for a couple of mins and then I would have another glass of wine and crack on with the holiday. Teens will teen. Wearing stupid, unflattering and tasteless clothing is a rite of passage. Tale as old as time.

The only ‘hard’ rule I would have is that she can’t wear them around public beaches and pools if you’re in a country like Turkey, Morocco or Dubai, as I think it’s important to respect local culture. Somewhere like France I would let it go.

And I’d tell grandad to get a grip, too. He can sit by the pool and just…not look?

They are dressing to let men stare.

Combined Culture of Andrew tate lads and girls dressed like love island contestants.

Long term it is women who suffer.

Feminism my backside.

Also why enforcing your will doesn't work….you’re best as long as its/safe legal to work with your teenager and find some sort of compromise otherwise as you have seen they will sneak behind your back and do what they want anyway and you lose complete control, better to relinquish a little. Clothing is so personal. And important to them at that age.

Oh man, as a fellow Mum to a 15yr old DD I’m feeling this … I do also feel for your daughter. I have had the same nightmare this year with trying to find appropriate bikinis for my DD. She’s going on holiday with her Dad and Stepmum for a week and then on holiday with myself, my DH and my parents shortly after. Some of the bikinis she’s looked at have made my toes curl. Fortunately she’s been wise enough to say “I don’t think my Dad / Grandma would cope with that …” The fact that she thinks that I would was slightly hilarious but thankfully didn’t require a discussion. The hard part was finding bikinis that were still trendy, didn’t cost a fortune and kept her mostly covered. It’s been difficult and she’s got a lovely curvy figure which makes everything harder!

Could you suggest that she does a mix and match and wears the tops from the ones she’s bought and the bottoms from the ones you bought together?
Has she brought a coverup, could you suggest that if she’s stood / walking she needs to wear her coverup?
In terms of her throwing feminism at you tell her you would feel exactly the same way if she was a boy walking round in a thong / mankini … it’s nothing to do with being female. It’s to do with being 15 and on holiday with her Grandparents and it’s about respect for herself and other people!
Good luck!!!! Xxx

Wilful disobedience is one way of looking at this.

I suspect, given the OP's emphasis on her embarrassment and the daughter's jibe about feminism, that the daughter has discovered a way to get under her mother's skin and has gone for it.

Somewhere along the line there has been a comprehensive breakdown in communication in the family - communication of values, communication of expectations, and communication of wishes.

There's a good deal of relationship repair in order here. I think the OP needs to do a good deal of listening to her daughter's feelings about the bikinis they chose and bought together.

I am surprised at the number of thick people on this thread who can't understand what curvy actually means. People, curvy does NOT mean fat, it's a body shape.

@PrimalLass the OP has said in her post they’re not suitable for her curvy figure. She means she’s too fat and it’s adding to the embarrassment.

Where does anyone say she's fat? I read "curvy size 6"... A curve is a shape. Size 6 is tiny. Think you're putting words into ops proverbial mouth.

I think maybe you're missed a few posts.

I think the problem is that “curvy”‘has been appropriated by some people as a euphemism for “overweight”. The Op was using the word in its correct context to explain how the bikinis look (ie filled out!) as many size 6 young teens would be completely flat chested and slim hipped.

Or it might have been in your head that you thought that no one cared because people do care and will look as is part our basic instinct. BUT Acting on instinct is a completely a different matter.
BTW- You were a child and dressed very inappropriately.

The human body is designed to attract the opposite sex to reproduce. That’s a basic fact of nature.

Actions speak louder than words so get hold of some scissors and chop up the string and postage stamps. By the description, it shouldn't take long.

YANBU OP. I'm no prude but even the thought of going in front of my father or grandparents wearing one of those ultra skimpy bikinis (at any age) is beyond embarrassing😳