Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

Seconded.

Okay I'm 73 - been a US size 4-6 all my life but DD cups and considered curvy always. Its a body type not a size. I don't wear bikinis anymore and for real swimming activity a one piece suit is far more comfortable.

Some bikinis today have a one inch or less crotch.

(Some trans activists targeted (yes a pun) a US dept store for not having wide enough crotch so they could disguise parts of their anatomy).

What I find disturbing about this is this child's willful disobedience. Her deceit is the most tiresome aspect of this.

@socialdilemmawhattodo I believe the comment you quoted was from a revolting comment someone else made that was quite rightfully deleted

Modesty is a bad thing. Modesty is a male created term about how “naice girls” should dress and behave. There are much better arguments why this is not suitable for a 15 yo.

Seconded

Surely you can see that two women with the same body type but with different chest sizes will look totally different in the same bikini.

You've lived 73 years and are disturbed by a 15 year old not obeying her mother?

It’s gut wrenching OP, but yes this is where the her body, her choice is either the truth or you’ve been a hypocrite and force her to cover up.

It’s her choice. I know you want to protect her from the unwanted male attention this will draw, but with teen girls some lessons must be learned the hard way.

Better now when you are there and present than at 18 and all alone with Uni friends.

Curvy is a shape, not a size. You can be any size and still have curves, if your chest and hips are proportionately large compared to your waist.

The micro bikini doesn’t cover privates her full buttocks and most of breasts except nipples on display. She’s a child. When she’s an adult on a holiday she’s paid for she can bare her bum or whatever she chooses.

That could be family bonding!!

Feminism doesn't mean you get to walk around basically naked imo.

Thats the goal. To be able to go naked wherever, whenever and not be treated like a sex object.

And that's not their fault. I understand the bottom part, but she shouldn't be punished for the size of her chest.

Me too. I ended up hiding it behind fat. So that went well.

i’ve seen skimpy bikini’s, and none have ever not covered the essentials.

Not even this year?

There is no nuance on MN any more.

Your dd should know that there are times when tiny bikinis are fine - eg on holiday with friends - and times when converting up would be better, to make sure everyone feels comfortable. She's clearly not that mature yet.

I'd talk to her, tell her this, explain that different clothes are suitable for different occasions. Then she can buy a swimming cozzie for round the pool.

This is nothing to do with feminism, either, but about manners and being considerate of others.

No, she’s your child. Tell her grandma, grandad you and her dad are uncomfortable with her wearing this.
take her out and buy some new swim wear.
I am a mum of 3 teenagers.

No - op clearly says that the bikinis are much smaller than that.

Again, there's much inference on this thread and you're not correct.

We spent a long time poring over different websites and visiting many stores - she chose Roxy and was really excited to get them. She wasn't forced to buy anything that she didn't want.

This is so nasty. Horrid. Why would you want to body shame your teenage daughter. It’s hard enough being a teenager already. I can still feel the shame and embarrassment of unflattering videos and pictures of myself at that age and they weren’t taken on purpose. Who aims to give their child psychological issues with their body that could last a lifetime. Not bitchy. Abusive.

Most parents seem just to give up on this, OP. Well done for trying to set boundaries and trying to get her to understand.

Thank you.

I agree. I swear there are some MNers who have such dull lives that they get their kicks from jumping onto threads like this to try and prove how "cool" they are.

Those wittering on about how women can wear whatever they like totally ignore the fact that men rarely wander around showing almost everything to all and sundry. It's very sad that some women, especially young women, seem to feel that they need to. There is a big difference between wearing a normal bikini, and one such as OP has described which is not appropriate to be wearing around grandparents, not to mention complete strangers.

No advice OP, other than to ignore the idiots on this thread.

Leave her alone. It’s perfectly normal for teenage girls to experiment with skimpy clothing and explore their bodies. If your older family are bothered by it that is on them, she is a child and going through a very normal stage. Don’t make life difficult for her.

Took ages to write this and it’s a bit of a cross post with the op so this is a full edit. I am wondering if the itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini did come up trawling these websites and was just given a flat out no. It’s still odd that apparently daughter was absolutely fine with the choice but yet had zero intention of wearing whatever mum bought.

Larger-sized teens?? She's a size 6.