Wedding invitation asking for cash gifts in advance

[FishPhoods]

We are invited to a good friends wedding next summer. The invitation has arrived today, the wedding is going to be at a country house quite a fancy one, and there's a card for a gift list.

I usually do give cash these days so not sure if IABU to find this offensive:

"To our lovely guests. We really hope you can join us on our special day. We ask that you don't bring any gifts on the day, but would prefer for those of you that choose to give a gift, that you make a cash donation ahead of September 1st 2024 which will help to contribute towards the celebration. All our love"

I think it's the fact they're having what seems to be an expensive wedding and asking the guests to pay towards it - is this the done thing these days??

Bloody rude to ask it in advance.

Many cultures give cash as a wedding gift.

I have good friends who having spoken to them over the years knew that it was an acceptable gift and to give them that when they got married.

However as there are various ways of giving the cash e.g. pinning it to the bride, giving it in envelopes, it is never given months in advance.

As it requests you "make a cash donation" then why not give any cash to a worthwhile charity and announce to the prospective happy (and cheeky) couple that "I've made a cash donation - just like you asked!"
Watch their faces fall, momentarily, before they remember their manners and stick their Public Relations rictus grins back on......

i agree asking for cash is fine, very sensible. ‘Cash in advance’ means we can’t afford our wedding unless you pay up in advance, which is a deeply odd situation to get yourself into.

Sorry we won't be able to make it. I have bills to pay in September..

Its a bit: 'tickets for our 2025 wedding are now on sale. Ticket office shuts 1st September 2024'

Going against the grain here but these people are your good friends. I suspect they saw it completely differently- that they didn’t care about gifts but wanted to have a good knees with their friends and thought this was a way to do it. It obviously hasn’t come across as they planned but why not cut them some slack and assume it’s just not being aware that people might take this amiss, rather than greed?

I’d give them what they have asked for and think no more about it. I certainly wouldn’t deliberately try to embarrass them, wtf.

I’ve never been to a wedding that’s asked for cash almost a year before the wedding… have you? If they need to crowd fund their wedding then perhaps they should choose something cheaper?

These days when everyone lives together and has a home full of stuff, it makes sense to ask for cash rather than a physical present. Asking for it to be sent before the wedding is a bit off.

For pity's sake don't do that ... they'll probably offer an instalment plan!!

Not in advance but plenty on the day. As i said, its just an extension of that. Cash is cash. The only worry is it falls through and you lose your money!

Eugh that's awful. At least there wasn't a ridiculous poem about it !

A very tacky request that I would politely decline.

Pretty grim to ask your guests to pay for your wedding. I’d accept and not cough up just to be awkward 😂

Yes, receiving cash gifts at a wedding is totally normal, but that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about someone asking for cash to be deposited nearly a year before the event, which is not at all normal.

but would prefer for those of you that choose to give a gift

Fine with this approach, their request is worded respectfully, it's not couched as a horrible, twee poem.

We haven’t got a gift list, for all of you to see,
Because as you all know we never can agree!
But if you’d like to help us, continue our romance
Then please call it £100, bank payment in advance

We want to have a wedding day
That is big and insta-worthy
But we haven't got the budget
And face a ceremony quite dirgy

So to save the day and fulfil our dreams
Of something bright and brash
We demand of you to dig down deep
And give us all your cash!

I don't actually think asking for cash if you choose to give anything is really any different to having a gift list.

Asking for cash is one thing. Asking for cash 9 months before the wedding like pre selling tickets is a bit bloody cheeky.

@FishPhoods I once received a lovely poem. the couple had lived together for a few years and had everything. the gift was going towards their honeymoon which was fine.

We know its not tradition
its not the way its done
but instead of a wedding list
we'd like a bit of sun
we've lived together quite a while
and all the bills are paid
we've got our plates, our pots and pans
our plans have all be made.

we would appreciate your help though
to send us on our way
a contribution to our honeymoon
in a land quite far away

but most importantly we request
you come to our wedding as our guest
to share with us our special day
and have some fun along the way.

People are absolutely brazen now. Asking people to give money as a gift when you get married is awful; asking for it in advance is next level appalling. The only people legitimately allowed to ask for your cash, in my opinions, are beggars, children under sixteen and charities. Not wedding piss-takers.

Oh dear, they've really embarrassed themselves with this. These are the things people remember from weddings years later. It's such a shame no one stepped in and told them how rude and cringey this was before the invitations went out. I think I would politely decline and stay away from the whole tacky debacle!

Love it!

It is a bit cringe but beyond pulling an awkward face to myself I wouldn't give this too much thought. I would be giving them money anyways, so what difference does it really make if I do it beforehand? No skin off my nose really...And weddings are bloody expensive. Most couples can use the money for their honeymoon but these poor buggers need it to pay for the actual wedding. Help them out 🤷🏻‍♀️

YANBU.
It is crass beyond belief.
Not 'hoping people will give cash, rather than physical gift' - that makes sense for people who already have their own home - but asking people to give money 10 months or so in advance
As someone has said, they might as well sell tickets.

I honestly don’t know anyone who doesn’t give a cash gift for a wedding, mortified for anyone who rocks up with a beautifully wrapped photo frame 😂 but asking before the event is massively rude.