Wedding invitation asking for cash gifts in advance

[FishPhoods]

We are invited to a good friends wedding next summer. The invitation has arrived today, the wedding is going to be at a country house quite a fancy one, and there's a card for a gift list.

I usually do give cash these days so not sure if IABU to find this offensive:

"To our lovely guests. We really hope you can join us on our special day. We ask that you don't bring any gifts on the day, but would prefer for those of you that choose to give a gift, that you make a cash donation ahead of September 1st 2024 which will help to contribute towards the celebration. All our love"

I think it's the fact they're having what seems to be an expensive wedding and asking the guests to pay towards it - is this the done thing these days??

Very cheeky.

They would be getting a carefully chosen wedding gift on the day from me

I am quite surprised some people here defend such behaviour from a bride and groom, I can only draw the conclusion they themselves have asked for money at their weddings and don’t like being called tacky.
It is tacky and decent people wouldn’t send an invite worded like that.

They're broke now and they'll be broke on the day of their wedding. I would give them a gift day of too. Op so you know if they've had push back from parents or anyone?

No this is not the done thing, it's outright cheeky. It's ok to ask for money towards the Honeymoon but not ask guests to pay for the wedding!! Imagine if you didn't know them that well and felt as if you had been invited so they could also you to pay for it. Very cheeky!

🤣🤣🤣

I never give money if its asked for, so bottle of Veuve it is iiwm

If they are asking guests to pay for the wedding, does that mean the guests get to choose the venue, food, table decorations, etc?

If guests are paying for it then the guests aren't really guests, they're the hosts and it's the bride and groom who are the guests!

If they are asking guests to pay for the wedding, does that mean the guests get to choose the venue, food, table decorations, etc?

If guests are paying for it then the guests aren't really guests, they're the hosts and it's the bride and groom who are the guests!

I wouldn't give anything until the day (or a few days before)

We did ask for cash (in our 30's owned a house for 15 years, no need for a toaster)

But we set it as they were buying things for us to do on honeymoon- champagne toast, cocktails, boat trip etc. That wasn't the case the money went straight into the bank but we did use it for our honeymoon.

To be fair, a lot of couples do the same thing by having a destination wedding at a resort that requires anyone attending to stay at the resort and massively overcharges the guests. The B&G get all sorts of things for free as the resort is making such huge profits from the guests.

I used to cringe at stuff like that but now I think "fair enough, seems sensible". When I think how much money is wasted on things the couple never would have chosen and will never use, at the same time that they are spending tens of thousands getting married...it seems least wasteful to just give cash if they are willing.

Might be worth contacting them and asking if you get a full refund if they split up before the wedding, or within say 6 months of the event. 😁

I always think these grabby people are going to be disappointed with their gift grab invites, at our wedding most gifts probably cost the giver about £20, and when I got to a wedding I usually give something that’s cost £20-£30 because weddings are expensive to attend and I don’t earn that much.

This is rather ageist. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a taste and decency ‘thing’.

I don't have a problem giving money but requesting it months before the wedding?

Nah. Cheeky and crass.

Key words here are 'those who choose to give a gift'. You can choose not to.

In my culture money gifts at weddings are normal, and honestly the money we got went back into the savings/paid off the credit cards we used to pay for the wedding. So this is just being honest about that really.

Are you really 'offended' though? How silly. Maybe don't go at all and drop them if you think your 'good friends' are so offensive.

It’s like sending out baby shower gift lists before you’re pregnant 😆
Tack…

They may as well go the whole hog and sell tickets.

Nope. Contributions to honeymoon maybe, but not the wedding. If they can’t afford it, they need to scale back their spending.

They're asking people for money a year before their wedding. They can't afford it and they're asking people to pay for it!

Euck! I’ve been invited to a do where you pay for your food…

Honestly, if a good friend, I would tell them that they are being rude. I get cross with people who don't book a wedding they can afford

With the plug cut off!

I thought asking for cash instead of gifts was the height of vulgarity, but this takes it to another level.

They are asking their guests to pay for their bloody wedding.

Oh my goodness! They may as well just sell tickets to their wedding! Really tasteless. If they need the money gifts from attendees to fund their wedding they could do it more subtly for example borrow the money to pay for the wedding and then use the gifts to pay it back!