Wedding invitation asking for cash gifts in advance

[FishPhoods]

We are invited to a good friends wedding next summer. The invitation has arrived today, the wedding is going to be at a country house quite a fancy one, and there's a card for a gift list.

I usually do give cash these days so not sure if IABU to find this offensive:

"To our lovely guests. We really hope you can join us on our special day. We ask that you don't bring any gifts on the day, but would prefer for those of you that choose to give a gift, that you make a cash donation ahead of September 1st 2024 which will help to contribute towards the celebration. All our love"

I think it's the fact they're having what seems to be an expensive wedding and asking the guests to pay towards it - is this the done thing these days??

I always give cash as gifts.

But in advance? No.

Have all the haters never been to a wedding before? There used to be wedding lists back in the day and links to Amazon to buy stuff. But as most couples already live together then most dont need house stuff so switched to asking for cash, but always saying only if you want to. This is just an extension of that.

I suppose that if you are going to give them cash anyway, it’s irrelevant whether it’s before or after the ceremony. Objectively it’s probably better for them to ask people to pay for the wedding they want rather than put it on credit and hope people give enough cash to cover it.

I think it's sensible, pragmatic and anyone who knows and loves them will be more than happy with that arrangement. Their wedding their choice.

Anyone who isn't and posts about it on an international public forum well...

I think it's tasteless and tacky and I just wouldn't go. If you're getting married and invite people you need to pay for it.

No, this is beyond tacky, tasteless and grabby. Your guests don’t pay for your wedding.

Massively embarrassing.

😂

I think it's fine, so I guess I have no class in your opinion? I'm OK with that though. Better than being a sneary Hyacinth Bucket type 😉

I know cash is the done thing these days but putting a deadline prior to the wedding on it is a bit crass!

We didn't want 'things' as we don't have the space, and didn't need cash. We asked guests who wanted to give a gift for a 'date' for our first year of marriage. We got several restaurant vouchers, a bottle of wine with an at-home escape room puzzle, a couple of vouchers for local activities. We really enjoyed using them throughout the year.

Sounds fine to me.

Always better to give people what they actually want.

Exactly. Maybe they did it intentionally to weed out the judgy arseholes

No chance I would do this. It's a present to be given after they are wed. Asking your guests to fund the wedding is CFery.

Their wedding paid in advance. So you're not actually a guest but you've paid your place in advance.

I'd not be going if that's what they wanted

This is the classy way to do it. Guests can ask for a gift list or just give cash or not as they choose. Tha happy couple asking for cash is just tacky.

Totally cringe and grabby.

I would probably decline the invitation.

I couldn't hold my tongue on this I'd have to tell them exactly what I thought.

I was going to say it’s not that bad and not too different from couples asking for contributions towards their honeymoon, however I realise they’re asking for the money nearly a year in advance! No way, they’re CFs, I’d decline.

Nothing wrong with asking for cash instead of gifts, BUT NOT A YEAR AHEAD OF THE WEDDING

Sorry to shout but I think a lot of posters have missed this crucial point!

Do you realise that they are asking a whole year ahead of the wedding?

On reflection you may be right that the risk is the wedding doesnt go ahead for any reason and all your money has been blown on non refundable tat like neon signs and Mr and Mrs Wanker signs. Even if it does go ahead you can imagine the guest all saying, you see that horrible sweet cart over there? I paid for that. That photo booth? Thats where my gift went.

I think it’s fine… I like going to big weddings and I would happily give money as a gift if that was what was most useful to the couple, so if it’s used to fund a celebration I’ll enjoy I’ll get something out of it too!

No no no. By all means give cash as a gift at the wedding (personally I hate requests for cash as they always say they have everything theg want and I want to buy a lasting physical gift). Definitely don't give cash in advance.

If she asks where her gift is say you've deducted your next few birthday presents from it so you're even.

Yes, especially nine months in advance, and a hard deadline. Why not have a casual party that's still allows family and loved ones to gather.

I thought you were going to say they’d asked for it a month before the wedding, not the best part of a year!!

How embarrassing for them

Rude, rude, rude.