Wedding invitation asking for cash gifts in advance

[FishPhoods]

We are invited to a good friends wedding next summer. The invitation has arrived today, the wedding is going to be at a country house quite a fancy one, and there's a card for a gift list.

I usually do give cash these days so not sure if IABU to find this offensive:

"To our lovely guests. We really hope you can join us on our special day. We ask that you don't bring any gifts on the day, but would prefer for those of you that choose to give a gift, that you make a cash donation ahead of September 1st 2024 which will help to contribute towards the celebration. All our love"

I think it's the fact they're having what seems to be an expensive wedding and asking the guests to pay towards it - is this the done thing these days??

Seems fine to me. Practical. Better than wasting money on tootery that's not needed. And they tried to word as nicely as they could.

I personally would be delighted to not have to buy a gift. Cash in card suits me.

I think it's fine, I usually give cash anyway and I'm happy for a couple to use the wedding gift however they want, including towards the cost of the wedding.

I prefer giving cash as a gift, but at least 9 months in advance? Nah, get to fuck would be my answer there. They've booked a wedding they can't afford and want you all to pay for it.

It’s possible to know and love someone and still disagree with their choices. Loving someone does not mean automatically agreeing with every decision they make.

Recognising that bad manners are rude does not make anyone a judgy arsehole.

Its not cash in a card, they've asked for money to be deposited at least 9 months before the wedding. Do you still think that's ok?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this really, we’re going to 2 weddings this year and both of them have had something on the invites which basically said “we don’t expect a gift but if you insist on giving one we would love cash to contribute to our honeymoon fund”, I don’t think what they are doing is any different really

Oof. That's a bit obvious that they need help paying some installment towards the wedding. They may as well be selling you a ticket.
Fair enough if they want cash but I'd be taking it on the day with me in a card.

Maybe they are worried that wealthy Great Aunt Bertha isn't going to hold out till 2025 so they are making sure they get her gift while they can.

*sneery

😂

What if it doesn't go ahead, and everyone has sent money beforehand?! I'd rather take a card with cash in it, on the day.

It's hardly paying for their wedding. How much does a couple spend on a gift or cash nowadays? Depending on the number of guests is likely only a grand or two.

I wouldn't pay unless they gave me some control. None of those daft wedding favours and no "dressed chairs" either. No adult bridesmaids and no speeches.
I might just fork for that.

It's a bit tacky, I always give cash to any B&G but I've certainly never been asked to donate before the big day

But you can pay the amount you choose, so it doesn't really matter. If OP is prepared to pay £10 per head, then she can.

I know I can pay the amount I choose.
I was just having a wee joke....

I would probably politely decline the invite in that case! Weddings are already usually an expense for guests to go to with hotel stays, travel expenses, possibly new clothing etc. Asking for money to cover the costs of the big party THEY CHOSE to throw is CF-ery IMO.

Same answer as always: since practically everyone gives cash these days there's no need to mention it at all unless you actually want to appear crass

Maybe the "9 months in advance" is because they intend to chase up anyone who doesn't cough up, or coughs but perhaps not what they consider enough?
Frankly I don't know why they don't just sell tickets and be done with it ...

All the ‘tacky’ and ‘grabby’ and ‘CF’ hit a nerve eh?

If you can’t afford the wedding then don’t have it. It just looks totally low rent and yes, grabby to decide and host a wedding that you expect other suckers to pay for.

"Decent people" 😂😂

In many cultures recieving cash gifts at weddings is entirely normal. Though perhaps you're the kind of decent person who thinks all cultures outside your own are very tacky.

I don't like that they are asking for it in advance and giving a deadline. Although, I think asking for money is pretty standard.

As we say round here 'scarleh for ya' feck off.

Agree!

I think it's terribly crass...

🤣🤣

If they haven’t got the cashflow to pay for their wedding they really shouldn’t be having it. Have something cheaper and then they wouldn’t need to ask their guests to pay up in advance to afford it. Really odd.