I’m more beautiful than you and my house is bigger and nicer

[Summersinthenineties]

Neighbours over the back look after their 6 year old granddaughter, she’s also friends with my Dd at school. She always comes to stay for the day with them on a Sunday. Dd often runs into the back garden and they call to each other over the fence. The girl sometimes comes to play or Dd goes there.
We live in a nice cul de sac type area, so houses are all basically the same, aside from they’ve had renovations and have added an extra bedroom and pool, as some in the area have done.
Dd has just run in crying that this girl has shouted to her that she’s (Dd) is not beautiful and she is and that our house is small and not beautiful and her house is big and more beautiful.
Dd is really upset as has a big group of friends, boys and girls all lovely and isn’t used to this yet. I realise kids are kids and it will happen in the future, but how would you deal with this?
Her words are really pissing me off and I think she needs to learn/be taught not to say things like that. Would you message and tell the mum/grandma or leave it and maybe not encourage the friendship so much?

*She

OP, they are 6. That's in their job description.

Ignore.

I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Just tell your DD the other girl was being silly.

I have a 6yo DD (well in a week) and I would just have a convo with your DD to say that she is beautiful and houses come in all shapes and sizes (as do people) and that it is not kind to compare or comment on peoples appearance and leave it there. I wouldn't personally involve the mother/ grandmother as you won't achieve anything. Keep an eye on the friendship but kids do say mean things from time to time. I would suspect she has heard that elsewhere as it's an odd thing for a child to say.

I wouldn't bother messaging - presumably your DD will be less keen to meet up with her anyway.
Maybe take her out next Sunday?

Help your dd with what to say in situations like that eg. "Don't care what you think, I'm going now bye!"

This is a six year old and yes, that's a mean thing to say but not on the level you should be messaging the parents about.

Put it this way....how receptive would you be if you received a message from this girl's mum about something your daughter supposedly said?

Of course tell your daughter she doesn't have to spend time with someone who is mean to her. I'd leave it at that and let the kids work it out.

You’re all right, it just really pissed me off, I could see the hurt on DD’s face, I guess we’ve not encountered it before on a personal level like that and it’s annoying me as this girl is so spoilt and it’s not even her house, it’s the grandmas, hers is an tiny and we’d never pass comment/judgement etc.
It was just sad to see DD’s hurt face 🙁

But tbh if a mum did message me nicely telling me Dd had said those things, I would want to know as I’d want to talk to her about it and teach her not to speak in that way

I'm laughing because this reminds me of the time (years ago) my neighbours did some work on their house and I commented to my husband that the shutters they chose seemed small to me.

Unfortunately my 5 year old overheard this and dutifully yelled "your house looks funny and my mother said your shutters are stupid" to one of the neighbors kids when they were having an argument.

Mortifying.😱

@CulturalNomad I’m actually wondering if it’s come from the grandma…she’s v glamorous, nice, flashy car, the renovations and pool added…pretty horrible attitude to have though!

Dd just told me she’s said it to her a couple of times at school..she not as beautiful, her hair doesn’t look as beautiful etc. DD’s hair is gorgeous, long and wavy/curly, it’s just mean, I don’t like it.
Plus, this girl started recently at Dds school and Dd took her under her wing as she knew her from the neighbourhood and helped her make friends with all her friends

One of the kids on our close said that to Ds once about his house being bigger which it is but it was said in a nasty way. I just said what's he on about it's got 4 walls and a roof just like ours and at least we don't have to spend ages cleaning! Ds was happy with that.

@Mogloveseggs It’s so nasty, I don’t know, Dd hasn’t noticed things/said things like that yet, it’s just sad that inevitably she’ll encounter this in life. It’s annoying though as we’ve been so welcoming to this girl, I realise she’s only young, but don’t fancy having her over really. We have friends of all different backgrounds, huge multimillion euro villas, tiny apartments and so on and we haven’t encountered this before and it’s not who I want Dd to mix with

To me this doesn’t sound like something a 6yr air old would say off their own back, they’ve heard this somewhere.

i would remind this little girl that we use kind words to our friends and being i
unkind mean we won’t have friends to play with.

if it continues then I would speak to mum.

@2chocolateoranges Yes, I was thinking the same and this is what’s bothering me. I’m wondering if grandma has said something? but what and especially about her being beautiful and Dd not, that’s seems v strange, you wouldn’t say something like that. Dd is lovely looking, I know everyone thinks that about their own child, but she really is! So odd

dc have veg little concept of these things. My 12yo recently told me her friend’s parents were really rich because they have a big house and posh car. I didn’t think much of the comment as we have a mix of friends with different incomes. I then collected dd from their house and it’s a lovely family home but it’s a standard 3 bed semi with a small garden. Our house is about twice the size but I’m not sure dc see it like that. They all seem very unaware. In a way it’s nice but slightly odd.

Mum is v nice and down to earth, I’m tempted to just nicely message her and not grandma as it’s bothering me she’s said it to her at school now. I know mum would be mortified but at least she could talk to her about the importance of not saying nasty things, she practically shouted it at her then ran off
I’ve also noticed grandma always wants them at her house, maybe she doesn’t like my house 😂god it’s making me paranoid now. I’ve literally never thought about someone else’s home before like that, no matter size of house, where they live etc

Dd had a friend like this and I shut it down v quickly by calling her mum early to collect her dd. When the mum arrived I said that her dd didn't like playing with dd anymore because our house was small & dirty. So it's best that the girl went home early because she wasn't happy playing here. The mum was mortified & the girl stood there looking sheepish.

The mum did try to reconnect the girls but dd wasn't keen so they drifted apart & went to different secondary schools.

@TeenLifeMum Yes, exactly, especially at 6 years old! Some of our friends have huge, beautiful villas, not once has Dd mentioned the houses, whatever, that’s why I’m wondering where it’s come from? I’m thinking grandma…but the looks thing I can’t work out
Either way, it’s pissing me off!

Yes- agree with this.

And tell her she’s beautiful.

@MountCaramel Oh wow, so the girl had said that to Dd, in front of you? How old were they?
I was hoping grandma would hear her shouting that over the fence to Dd, but Dd said she wasn’t there. I’m proud of Dd though as she came running in upset and when we’d spoke to her, she was really cross and ran out shouting to her that she shouldn’t say unkind things 🤣
The girl had gone in for a bath though sadly

@RickyGervaislovesdogs Yes, we definitely told her this, sad seeing her confused face.
Its v hard not to message mum and i’m
so not that type of person. Worried it will put an end to the friendship, which I don’t necessarily want as Dd does like her, so it would be a shame

It's obvious from some of your comments that you think like the little girl about who's house is bigger or better or who owns what. However, she's 6 so she's unaware enough to actually say it out loud. She'll learn to keep her judgments inside like adults at some point.

No need to make it a big deal by writing to the parents.

Edit: spelling typo.