I’m more beautiful than you and my house is bigger and nicer

[Summersinthenineties]

Neighbours over the back look after their 6 year old granddaughter, she’s also friends with my Dd at school. She always comes to stay for the day with them on a Sunday. Dd often runs into the back garden and they call to each other over the fence. The girl sometimes comes to play or Dd goes there.
We live in a nice cul de sac type area, so houses are all basically the same, aside from they’ve had renovations and have added an extra bedroom and pool, as some in the area have done.
Dd has just run in crying that this girl has shouted to her that she’s (Dd) is not beautiful and she is and that our house is small and not beautiful and her house is big and more beautiful.
Dd is really upset as has a big group of friends, boys and girls all lovely and isn’t used to this yet. I realise kids are kids and it will happen in the future, but how would you deal with this?
Her words are really pissing me off and I think she needs to learn/be taught not to say things like that. Would you message and tell the mum/grandma or leave it and maybe not encourage the friendship so much?

I would be busy over the next few weekends so dd doesn’t have to listen to that shit.

I think it's because you are insecure.

You are searching for a logical answer (you seem to have decided it must be the grandmother who's bullying your DD through her GD) instead of just brushing it off and focusing on equipping your DD how you deal either life's haters.

You've told us that the GD's house is smaller than yours and that your DD is actually very beautiful. None of those things matter. You may live in a tiny studio flat, with a DD who looks like the back end of a bus, she's still entitled to have nice friends who aren't mean to her.

Work on your insecurities and chances are your DD won't have an issue with hers. Parents/care givers are the most important influence at this age (1-7 if I remember correctly) you are still in charge of making your DD feel confident no matter her circumstances.
You may be hurt because you are wondering if the GD's Mum is actually nice to your face but mean behind your back, maybe, but work on your self esteem and you won't give a shit.

I lived in a big house compared to my best friend when we were young.

At Christmas one year she came round and saw our real Christmas tree and announced that hers was much bigger.

Ours was so tall it was touching the ceiling. Hers on the other hand was a 5 foot artificial tree.

The point I'm trying to make is that kids sometimes say things if they are feeling jealous, it doesn't mean anyone told her to say it.

Oh for goodness sake OP just brush this off and tell your child that sometimes other people say very silly things or can be very silly and this girl is one of them and what a shame. It's to be dismissed, not fed into and made into a big deal.

My mum has mentioned that she was worried I’d be jealous when (in year 5 at primary) I went to a friend’s huge house with a swimming pool. In my mind, it was never warm enough so they never let us use the pool so I didn’t see the point and on the one occasion they did, her brother stood a weed in it from outside in a massive arch so we had to get out anyway. I wasn’t jealous at all 😂 (just happy my own brother weed in a toilet rather than in public, in front of my friends).

My 6yo DD has a friend like this and I’ve heard my little girl answer back “You’re a very rude child”.

Encourage your DD to care not. I know it’s hard to do but building them up against this sort of thing is the long game approach. There’ll always be someone to say something horrible.

My kids had a friend like this when they were a couple of years older. I thought leaving it and letting them sort it out was the way to go, especially as it seemed clear the kid did it because he didn’t was insecure. I went the route of telling my DC that they knew it wasn’t true and to ignore it, etc.

But it really got to one of my DC and I realised after some time that the kid had become somewhat manipulative and was not just telling my kids directly that he was better than them (and everyone else) but was pointing out faults (mainly made up) to others and trying to change the way others viewed them (he did this with pretty much everyone in their social group, not just my kids). Over time his insecurity had got worse and he lied about pretty much everything to try. It was sad but also really unpleasant to be around and I don’t think any of the kids really knew how to handle it, they had been brought up on “be kind” and found conflict very difficult.

I ended up cutting as much contact as I could between them and encouraging other friendships. I was relieved when he moved away.

Now, in their mid-teens, they handle this sort of thing just fine and aren’t averse to challenging or laughing off lies and braggadocio. But at the pre-teen age this kid was more intense than their skill set could deal with.

I don’t think letting her handle it herself is a bad way to go if she is able to handle it. But I would encourage other friendships anyway and keep an eye on it so you can step in if it’s not working out. I wish I’d been a bit more vigilant and moved faster with my kids.

Also, this child has inadvertently given you the perfect opportunity to talk to your daughter about how "beautiful" and "nice" are entirely subjective and pointless to argue over. Is the house bigger? Ok, that's subjective and may well be true. And so what/who cares? Nicer? Completely subjective.

Give your daughter the tools to deflect insults, encourage resilience and let her know that she always has a choice to not spend time with anyone that makes her feel uncomfortable or unwelcome.

But if you take these petty "insults" to heart and allow them to upset you to the point that you can't brush them off, then she'll adopt the same attitude.

This made me 😂. Completely agree though

6 is very young. 6 year olds speak all sorts of nonsense and don't have great social skills. You'd be silly to get upset about it - just concentrate on making your own DD feel better and understand that the other girl is speaking rubbish and not being very nice.

Tbh my DC says a fair amount of stuff to friends that makes me cringe when I hear it and I correct DC and roll my eyes to the parents. I would be a bit annoyed if parents we know assumed this stuff came from me. Kids notice stuff like houses, toys etc., but they don't have the life experience to put it on perspective at age 6. If I were the parent though, I'd be pleased to be told so I could have a conversation with my DC about not saying mean things to our friends.

Lean over the wall next time she and your DD are playing and say with a big smile - ‘Oh how lovely DD, this must be X who you always talk about! The little girl whose family don’t have a helicopter’ 😊

Any comments that comes from a child that age OP is from the parents/GP Parents, children that ago would not make that judgement - she has got that from her parents/Gparents.

This is not necessarily true though. Children have eyes and they also get the wrong end of the stick on lots of stuff.

Just tell your DD that her daddy is bigger than the other girls daddy ! 😂
This is what kids do and have always done

This is a really wanky response

‘Accidentally’ spray her with the hose.

On the contrary, I think it's a great response.

Very wise words @sososotocvfgft 👏👏👏

This is a great opportunity for you to work with your DD on improving her robustness and response to other kids being mean.

This is a really wanky response

@Allfur It really isn't though. The OP has clearly been stung by a 6 year old child's comments about the size of her house. It's upset her to the point that she's trying to figure out if the child's grandmother has made similar remarks.

It really is a massive overreaction.

Absolutely that. The girl is six.

Talk to your DD. Tell her not to take any notice, that it's a shame that the person she tried to help has turned out to not be very nice, and to just focus on her good friends.

If you hear the child say it again, by all means step in straight away with a simple "I just heard what you said and it wasn't very nice. I don't want to hear that you've ever said anything like that to DD again, or I'll have to talk to your mum"

You are making a drama over nothing. If you make a big deal over it then your daughter will pick up on that. Best thing is to laugh and disregard it. Girls are mean to each other I’m afraid. You and your daughter need to develop thick hides to navigate the future years.

@Summersinthenineties I think the other girl is insecure and jealous of DD who is popular and pretty. And jealous of your house as hers is smaller so makes a thing of it. I wouldn’t assume it’s come from grandmother though. You could mention it in passing kindly to her Mum ‘is your Dd ok, she has said a few unkind things to my DD, not something that needs you to say anything yet, but we wonder if she is having trouble settling in’.

I remember being totally mortified for a relatives child when they told my mil her house was ‘tiny’.
then I knew all about it when my 4 year old dd said this to my mother 🙈 children just say what they think

Girls are mean to each other? More so than males? Blimey, this thread is bonkers

Next Sunday, can you be quietly reading in the garden and kind of listening in to the girls’ chatter. if you hear anything nasty, I like the idea of asking the girl not to talk to your DD like that.

Keep an eye on the comments your DD makes after school and if it seems like bullying def report to the teacher.