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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m more beautiful than you and my house is bigger and nicer

248 replies

Summersinthenineties · 26/05/2024 18:51

Neighbours over the back look after their 6 year old granddaughter, she’s also friends with my Dd at school. She always comes to stay for the day with them on a Sunday. Dd often runs into the back garden and they call to each other over the fence. The girl sometimes comes to play or Dd goes there.
We live in a nice cul de sac type area, so houses are all basically the same, aside from they’ve had renovations and have added an extra bedroom and pool, as some in the area have done.
Dd has just run in crying that this girl has shouted to her that she’s (Dd) is not beautiful and she is and that our house is small and not beautiful and her house is big and more beautiful.
Dd is really upset as has a big group of friends, boys and girls all lovely and isn’t used to this yet. I realise kids are kids and it will happen in the future, but how would you deal with this?
Her words are really pissing me off and I think she needs to learn/be taught not to say things like that. Would you message and tell the mum/grandma or leave it and maybe not encourage the friendship so much?

OP posts:
Spongeb0b · 27/05/2024 16:21

Summersinthenineties · 27/05/2024 15:10

Dd told me a bit more, apparently they were chatting over the fence, grandma shouted to Dd to ask if she wanted to come over to swim, Dd said she wasn’t allowed today as she’d been to her friends house all afternoon (another neighbour friend, boy she’s really close to) Friend then asked if she could come here and Dd said that I said not today (it’s true I did as it was getting late and she’d been playing all day and needed a bath) it’s then that her friend started to shout how her house was bigger and nicer and ours wasn’t as beautiful and was small and how she was beautiful and Dd wasn’t and was horrible. Dd then gave her some leaves off our tree as her friend often likes them, the friend then spat on the leaves she’d given, deliberately ripped up the leaves, threw them on the ground and then ran into the house, charming 🙈
Feeling much more light hearted about it today and just told Dd that she’s of course beautiful and our house is of course lovely and it sounds like her friend was cross but shouldn’t have said mean words

I think that's a brilliant, balanced response OP.

Sparklybutold · 27/05/2024 18:16

Personally I would use this as a life's lesson. There will always be boastful people like this. I would affirm her feelings, acknowledge it's a shitty thing to say, acknowledge that she probably feels awful, but then when it's time, discuss the reality of why someone feels the need to do this, someone so young is hearing this from somewhere. Those who are at ease with themselves and happy with their lot don't feel the need to boast about it. So remind her that she is loved, she is awesome just the way she is. She will learn how to respond to the world through your reactions, so if you shrug it off and carry on with your day, so will she.

Grammarnut · 27/05/2024 18:43

I think I would not have this child in my house any more. Yes, they are only 6 but 6 is old enough to be polite, and what the child said was plain nasty. Not a friend.

bluetopazlove · 27/05/2024 19:28

Thindog · 27/05/2024 13:38

I can’t believe that adults on this thread are taking a six year old’s comments to heart! “My dad’s bigger than your dad! My mum’s car is faster than yours! My dog is smarter than your dog! “ It’s normal six year old behaviour.
As the adult it’s your role to help them move on.
In this case you tell your child that it’s not the size of your house or how you look that’s really important, it’s who you live with and how kind you are that matters.
Do not ever reduce yourself to the level of a six year old by entering into a slanting match with the child or her parents.

She's rude and at some age you need to start taking taking responsibilty for our childrens behaviour and tell them no that's not how we behave . There is not some magical age were we draw the line and tell them that's not accaceptable .( yes I know some spelling mistakes , brain injury 🙄)

Kjpt140v · 27/05/2024 19:35

6 years old you say?

laraitopbanana · 27/05/2024 20:05

Hi op,

they are just kids and you can’t really tell the other dd off so I would just leave it. Teach your girl how to react next time and leave it at that.

👌🏼

SushiAndRamen · 27/05/2024 20:57

TwattyMcFuckFace · 26/05/2024 19:47

Don't message and stop overthinking it.

Kids have said nasty shit to each other for millennia.

They learn to get over it quicker than some parents do.

This.

Anusername · 27/05/2024 21:07

Next time when you see the girl next door, you can ask her if she has said those nasty things to your DD. And just tell her that you know she probably was angry when she said it but your DD is very upset and she owes her an apology.

PennySc · 27/05/2024 21:33

FluentRubyDog · 26/05/2024 18:54

OP, they are 6. That's in their job description.

This. But also, technically, it's not her house, it's her grandparents' house 🙄

Original poster
Summersinthenineties · 27/05/2024 21:49

@Kjpt140v Yes

OP posts:
Kjpt140v · 27/05/2024 22:11

Summersinthenineties · 27/05/2024 21:49

@Kjpt140v Yes

I wasnt really asking, the point is they are kids, and kids do this. Instead of making a big deal of this, just reassure your daughter that her friend is silly and she is wrong.

FluentRubyDog · 27/05/2024 23:47

PennySc · 27/05/2024 21:33

This. But also, technically, it's not her house, it's her grandparents' house 🙄

Show quote history

I repeat, they are 6.

I'd be surprised if the intricacies of property ownership legislature were encompassed by their school's KS1 curriculum.

T1Dmama · 28/05/2024 01:04

It’s a tough one because whether you get involved or not the kids are likely to be best friends again the next time they meet up. Then it’s just you and the other mum feeling awkward.

I would however teach your DD that sometimes people say things when they’re cross, things that aren’t true and they don’t really mean!… maybe this girl is jealous of your DD for some reason… her looks/height or the fact she gets Sundays with her mum while this other kid doesn’t!

Buffs · 28/05/2024 01:12

Don’t message the mum.

Daftlass88 · 28/05/2024 06:35

I think this is a great idea 👌

Playinwithfire · 28/05/2024 08:20

I feel there are just shitty children and yes it's there age but also a lot grow up and don't grow out of being mean. All the talking in the world will not stop them from being assholes. However, you can teach your child to be resilient from things like this..

I do get your frustration. It's so sickening when others are hurtful to your child. My son came in from playing with a someone and they said a really hurtful thing to him. He was 6, a year on, he still remembers what they said and he will bring it up because he was deeply hurt by it. He can identify why she say said it, which was to hurt him and be mean and knows it has nothing to do with him as a wee person.

Ifyoucouldreadmymindlove · 28/05/2024 08:59

Dd then gave her some leaves off our tree as her friend often likes them, the friend then spat on the leaves she’d given, deliberately ripped up the leaves, threw them on the ground and then ran into the house

Right…

Frances0911 · 28/05/2024 09:37

I was bought up in a humble mid terraced house, in the seventies.

When I was ten a friend I used to play with a lot after school, who lived in a bigger and modern semi-detached house, suddenly announced that she no longer wanted to come and play, as her other friend had a much nicer house, and she'd rather go there! I was absolutely gobsmacked and very upset, I'd though we were good friends, and friends didn't judge their friends like this!

We never really spoke to each other again after this, I remember feeling ashamed and avoided her. I also never told a single person, and certainly not my DM who worked long shifts to make ends meet, I wouldn't have wanted her to know.

bluetopazlove · 28/05/2024 10:07

Frances0911 · 28/05/2024 09:37

I was bought up in a humble mid terraced house, in the seventies.

When I was ten a friend I used to play with a lot after school, who lived in a bigger and modern semi-detached house, suddenly announced that she no longer wanted to come and play, as her other friend had a much nicer house, and she'd rather go there! I was absolutely gobsmacked and very upset, I'd though we were good friends, and friends didn't judge their friends like this!

We never really spoke to each other again after this, I remember feeling ashamed and avoided her. I also never told a single person, and certainly not my DM who worked long shifts to make ends meet, I wouldn't have wanted her to know.

See this was sort of weird because when I was a child this sort of bragging was really looked down upon . But according to some on MN this is normal now 🙄 . Not where I come from .
ETA spelling .

Original poster
Summersinthenineties · 28/05/2024 14:04

@Ifyoucouldreadmymindlove Sorry?

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 28/05/2024 14:22

Summersinthenineties · 28/05/2024 14:04

@Ifyoucouldreadmymindlove Sorry?

Just ignore the trolls OP

Original poster
Summersinthenineties · 28/05/2024 15:23

@T1Dmama Thanks, very odd!

OP posts:
Mt61 · 29/05/2024 11:20

Snipples · 26/05/2024 18:54

I have a 6yo DD (well in a week) and I would just have a convo with your DD to say that she is beautiful and houses come in all shapes and sizes (as do people) and that it is not kind to compare or comment on peoples appearance and leave it there. I wouldn't personally involve the mother/ grandmother as you won't achieve anything. Keep an eye on the friendship but kids do say mean things from time to time. I would suspect she has heard that elsewhere as it's an odd thing for a child to say.

Usually heard it from the adults

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