I’m more beautiful than you and my house is bigger and nicer

[Summersinthenineties]

Neighbours over the back look after their 6 year old granddaughter, she’s also friends with my Dd at school. She always comes to stay for the day with them on a Sunday. Dd often runs into the back garden and they call to each other over the fence. The girl sometimes comes to play or Dd goes there.
We live in a nice cul de sac type area, so houses are all basically the same, aside from they’ve had renovations and have added an extra bedroom and pool, as some in the area have done.
Dd has just run in crying that this girl has shouted to her that she’s (Dd) is not beautiful and she is and that our house is small and not beautiful and her house is big and more beautiful.
Dd is really upset as has a big group of friends, boys and girls all lovely and isn’t used to this yet. I realise kids are kids and it will happen in the future, but how would you deal with this?
Her words are really pissing me off and I think she needs to learn/be taught not to say things like that. Would you message and tell the mum/grandma or leave it and maybe not encourage the friendship so much?

Oh god OP it’s going to get much worse as she gets older. DD(7) generally stays out of the mean girls way (or so she says) but some of the things she tells me that they say to each other are horrible - calling each others Mums fat is the current trend.

Don't message and stop overthinking it.

Kids have said nasty shit to each other for millennia.

They learn to get over it quicker than some parents do.

@Nowordsformethanks What?

@CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine Oh god, that’s awful 😩how do you deal with it? 7 is so young, how sad

@TwattyMcFuckFace I know, but if she’s said it before? Seriously don’t want her telling her she’s not beautiful all the time, how’s that for messing with a little girls self esteem

This

@Summersinthenineties Yes, the little brat said it in front of me, so I called her mum & said her dd wanted to go home early. I explained fully when she arrived, the brat was 10 at the time. Unfortunately, her behaviour did't improve as she grew older so I'm glad they drifted apart.

You'd be better off spending your time and energy on helping your DD to deal with her feelings and showing her how to rebuff silly nasty comments. Messaging the mum is about your feelings really.

DD used to do this sort of thing all the time.

Mind,so did my mother;it must be genetic.

Love that response.

Classy and very point driven.

I'd encourage your DD to play with people who actually treat her well. Maybe next Sunday invite a child over from school and if/when this dd wants to join in use the response above. "I wouldn't think you would want. You don't think my dd is beautiful enough or our house as good as grandmas so I think it's best you stay at grandmas today to have more fun".

Kids are never too young to learn the natural consequences of their actions.

@DottyPencil It sort of is and isn’t, I don’t want her saying these things again, but I do also want her mum knowing as I’m thinking it may be from grandma and I think mum would be mortified if she knew, as she’s really nice.
We haven’t had to advise Dd on this before, any suggestions?

Maybe tell your daughter to say “you’re so vain saying that about yourself”. Or to reply in true MN fashion “are you ok?”

You could explain to your daughter that only insecure people have to boast and compare. And that lots of people don’t even have a home never mind one that’s got parents who love them. Explain that There will be people in bigger houses and people with no houses but the size of your house doesn’t make you a happier person. The wee girl sounds a bit strange to go round saying things like that but I wouldn’t start texting. Maybe tell the teacher though to keep an eye out. And tell your daughter she doesn’t have to play with the girl if she’s being mean to her

I'd advise you not to make a big deal of it in front of your DD. It's a bit like when kids fall over. If we make a big fuss, that amplifies their sense of shock and hurt so they get more upset than if we just said up you get and calmly checked them over with a reassuring oh that's ouchy but you're fine. Quick hug then carry on.
In this situation I'd just calmly but sympathetically say something like - well that was an unkind thing for X to say. Of course you're beautiful - she's talking nonsense. I can see yourr upset. Next time you can just tell her don't be so nasty then ignore her.
Then I'd give her a hug and go on to something else nice with her unless she wants to talk more about it. Calm matter of fact but sympathetic.

@DottyPencil Thank you

I wouldn't complain to any adults yet, but definitely chat to your DD about what good friendship looks like, what things people say when they're trying to be mean and some age relevant reasons why someone might want to be mean in that moment and that things said to be mean often aren't true because truth isn't the reason for it being said.

then give her some helpful realistic suggestions for what her best response options could be.

If it continues to happen, particularly cos they're at school together not just a once a week visitor to the neighbour, then it's consider a word with the mum.

She'll eventually learn to choose her friends more carefully, it's all part of learning.

If it's happening in school, you can have a word with the teachers.

No problem - no one said this parenting lark was easy 😀

I right mine to say 'your being nasty' very loudly, if a child commented negatively on their appearance

My DN used to love to boast about how many toilets her house had! Today we ordered DD a new bed and she gleefully declared "Oh my room will be better than DNs!" It's just part of growing up

When my now 15.5 DD was 3 she came home saying that a girl had told her she needed to go on a diet - my DD still had her baby tummy (which I loved). My DD is blond with blue eyes so your complete stereotype but yes she had still her baby tummy.

i asked her if she knew what diet meant? She said no. So I explained that diet meant having a special kind of food because your body either couldnt process some of them or because it would make you ill - allergies.

bottom line is at their age you need to rephrase it. In their own words, so that they can process what happened in a healthy way. Dont freat it, kids are mean. Just protect your child and rephrase it.

in our case, hinestly i felt sorry for the child in question. We had gobe to her birthday party - when parents were still expected to stay - and the mum had a red carpet for her daughter and all the other girls were wxpected to walk it and bow to her. She then went on to say to her husband - who I was friend with and having a laugh - “this exactly what I want for my birthday. You and all pur friends to make feel the queen that I am”.

i wonder how this child has faired since.

Good luck. It isnt fun but your child will thank you for it

Tell dd but she has the best dm...

Can anyone explain why I want to message the mum/grandma so badly 🙈I know it likely will make things worse so trying not to!

Dont please dont. Just re phrase to your daughter.

you want to because someone has hurt your child and you want to protect them. It is instinct and it is natural. But dont succomb to your fly or fight listen to your brain instead. It will teach your child so much more

I think if it’s a one off let it go. But it sounds like she been nasty a few times? If there are a few times, then I’d gently let the mum know (no need for the kids to be there). Sounds like she’d be horrified, and sort out the issue. Nip it in the bud.

OP, you seem to have taken mortal offence to a six year old's comment. It has obviously hit a raw nerve for you. This is what you should be dealing with, leave the child alone. Your over reaction will be affecting your child and the way she sees herself far more than her friend's comment