I’m more beautiful than you and my house is bigger and nicer

[Summersinthenineties]

Neighbours over the back look after their 6 year old granddaughter, she’s also friends with my Dd at school. She always comes to stay for the day with them on a Sunday. Dd often runs into the back garden and they call to each other over the fence. The girl sometimes comes to play or Dd goes there.
We live in a nice cul de sac type area, so houses are all basically the same, aside from they’ve had renovations and have added an extra bedroom and pool, as some in the area have done.
Dd has just run in crying that this girl has shouted to her that she’s (Dd) is not beautiful and she is and that our house is small and not beautiful and her house is big and more beautiful.
Dd is really upset as has a big group of friends, boys and girls all lovely and isn’t used to this yet. I realise kids are kids and it will happen in the future, but how would you deal with this?
Her words are really pissing me off and I think she needs to learn/be taught not to say things like that. Would you message and tell the mum/grandma or leave it and maybe not encourage the friendship so much?

I’m talking about my cousin, not your friends.

Of course not all only children are like this.

Don't ignore. Tell you daughter not to speak to her anymore and not be friends with her anymore. When and if the other girl asks why, tell your daughter to explain that 'you were rude and unkind to me, and you told a lie, that I was not beautiful and I don't keep friends with rude and unkind people who are liars'. Don't ignore.

I think its a really good time to start explaining to your dd that beauty isn't important and shouldn't be, neither is how big your house is.

There are far more important things that are important - how kind you are to your friends, how we are friendly to others, sharing with others.

have this conversation with your dd about how welcoming people to play in your groups of friends is important if people are on their own, making sure we are kind and thoughtful will go a long way to making and keeping friends

~If your dd sees that you are upset by the comments then she will put value on beauty instead of more valuable attributes which we can choose

Op you’re making a lot of assumptions and judgements there, kids do this stuff all the time and to be really honest you can’t be sure your ds didn’t say something first (and if she did she did, kids just say stuff and then it turns into a fight!). Hard not to hold it against her I know though, one of the top kids in ds 16’s school is one of the nicest young men I’ve ever come across and is a prefect, does charity work, lovely, says hi to everyone etc etc, I still remember when they had just started primary and he asked ds why his hair was so weird😅

THIS.

Just leave them to it.

I told my friend I had a pony {In the garden shed!} -I didn't! Just wishful thinking.

I get you OP - especially as it's not been a one off - she's said it a couple of times. I'd be tempted to tell her to say something like "well at least I'm not boring" or such like back 😂

Wouldn’t it just be better to teach her to say “I don’t agree with you, and I don’t think that’s a nice thing to say”. This thread full of grown women slagging off 6 year olds is giving me the cringe. It must have been great to come out of the womb perfect 😂 ( and before you start, talking like that was very much NOT acceptable in our house)

They are 6… tell your DD she was being silly and to forget about it. It’s weird that you are now comparing houses and effectively doing the same as the neighbours grandchild on here… maybe the insecurity lies with you OP? You would never pass judgment … yet you just have!!

And God knows what that poor Grandmother has done wrong- so far it appears to be “live in a house”.

Maybe ease away from the focus on looks?

Not all children are beautiful (I certainly wasn't) and there's nothing you can do about it

But you can do something about character

@Nanny0gg

so agree with your sentiments about not focusing on looks. Its sad that at 6 years old a child has determined that looks and beauty is important in life

Watch what you do - grandma is your neighbour. So aside from any interactions the kids have, you still have to live over the fence from grandma. So I’d say nothing to mum or grandma.

anyway all Id do is say to dd, “that was a rude comment wasn’t it - we are very happy in our lovely house”

I literally role play this stuff with my kid. When a friend was being unkind to her we literally played out different answers that she could give. Not horrible answers, just boundary setting. "When you said unkind things about how I look, it hurt my feelings and I don't play with people who hurt me." "I like my house. It upset me when you were rude about it. I don't play with people who are rude about me and my home."

You can also try starting a game with her dolls or figures to help her make herself feel better about it. I sometimes have one of her puppets say "I'm sad because my friend said (whatever the horrible thing was)" and I am always impressed and surprised at the thoughtful answers my kid comes out with when she is talking to the puppet!

I don’t understand why people are not mentioning YouTube. Even the most careful parent can’t shield their kid from watching one or two videos, and have you seen them? They are all about unboxing millions of toys, parents setting up amazing pool parties, girls being given kittens and jewels and giant dollhouses as presents. They are heavily marketed to make kids wish for everything. That plays a role in a 6 year olds psyche

I can’t believe that adults on this thread are taking a six year old’s comments to heart! “My dad’s bigger than your dad! My mum’s car is faster than yours! My dog is smarter than your dog! “ It’s normal six year old behaviour.
As the adult it’s your role to help them move on.
In this case you tell your child that it’s not the size of your house or how you look that’s really important, it’s who you live with and how kind you are that matters.
Do not ever reduce yourself to the level of a six year old by entering into a slanting match with the child or her parents.

Explain to your daughter that beauty is not important = you are ugly, but it is OK? Seriously??????

do explain to me why beauty is so important to you, and why it not being important means = ugly?

Of course it would be better to teach her to to say that - I was joking 🥴 I'm just letting the OP know that I get that it's not nice seeing her DD upset. No matter how rational we are as adults, this kind of stuff does hurt as a kid - but its of course, part of life. Of course the sensible thing to do is to support her to be resilient and to move on which is what the majority of us would do once we've calmed our kids down ...just trying to show a bit of understanding to the OP's feelings as feel she's getting a bit unfairly jumped on here.

@Spongeb0b Thank you 🙏

@Spongeb0b you were really just the latest example. I don’t know, of course I understand that it’s not nice when your child gets their feelings hurt, but some of the vitriol on this thread when discussing a tiny child who is only learning about the world is a bit grim, and not in keeping with some of the “be kind” rhetoric. Plus I’m still a bit mistified as to what this little girl’s granny’s actually done to be painted as the villain.

It's likely the kid's replaying things she's heard said. It's not good for her, either.

It could of course mean that child is deeply insecure and going through stuff herself.

I'd message the mum and grandmother, tell her how that behaviour made your DD and you feel, and how you're concerned for the girl, as that kind of thing can backfire on children who behave like that to their friends.

It may be what they all need to hear and can sort whatever's going on.

Dd told me a bit more, apparently they were chatting over the fence, grandma shouted to Dd to ask if she wanted to come over to swim, Dd said she wasn’t allowed today as she’d been to her friends house all afternoon (another neighbour friend, boy she’s really close to) Friend then asked if she could come here and Dd said that I said not today (it’s true I did as it was getting late and she’d been playing all day and needed a bath) it’s then that her friend started to shout how her house was bigger and nicer and ours wasn’t as beautiful and was small and how she was beautiful and Dd wasn’t and was horrible. Dd then gave her some leaves off our tree as her friend often likes them, the friend then spat on the leaves she’d given, deliberately ripped up the leaves, threw them on the ground and then ran into the house, charming 🙈
Feeling much more light hearted about it today and just told Dd that she’s of course beautiful and our house is of course lovely and it sounds like her friend was cross but shouldn’t have said mean words

Sounds like the child was disappointed that your DD couldn't play with her and dealt with it badly by having a temper tantrum. I bet the mum/gran would be mortified if they knew what she'd said.

I agree with you for what its worth (but felt it a bit unfair that my post was jumped on/ lumped in with the others). "I get you" was to be empathetic. And "I'd be tempted to say something like well at least I'm not boring 😂" was a light hearted way of saying we all probably get tempted to be a bit childish ourselves when feeling overprotective of our kids. Tempted does not mean I would. In reality I would have a conversation like you suggest or about how sometimes people can be unkind for all sorts of reasons, they probably don't really mean it etc etc. Then do something nice to forget about it and probably breathe a huge sigh of relief when they were friends again about 5 seconds later! Agree - don't fall out with the poor granny!