I’m more beautiful than you and my house is bigger and nicer

[Summersinthenineties]

Neighbours over the back look after their 6 year old granddaughter, she’s also friends with my Dd at school. She always comes to stay for the day with them on a Sunday. Dd often runs into the back garden and they call to each other over the fence. The girl sometimes comes to play or Dd goes there.
We live in a nice cul de sac type area, so houses are all basically the same, aside from they’ve had renovations and have added an extra bedroom and pool, as some in the area have done.
Dd has just run in crying that this girl has shouted to her that she’s (Dd) is not beautiful and she is and that our house is small and not beautiful and her house is big and more beautiful.
Dd is really upset as has a big group of friends, boys and girls all lovely and isn’t used to this yet. I realise kids are kids and it will happen in the future, but how would you deal with this?
Her words are really pissing me off and I think she needs to learn/be taught not to say things like that. Would you message and tell the mum/grandma or leave it and maybe not encourage the friendship so much?

It won't help to message the mum/grandma.

If you hear the child say these things you could say directly to her "That isn't a very nice thing to say".

Tell your daughter that the girl is being silly and to take no notice.

Don't do anything else 🤷‍♀️

Why on earth wouldn't you message the mum? Sure, if it was a one off, I can understand ignoring and keeping an eye on the situation, but this is persistent bullying.

If you don't want to message the mum, you should report the school-based bullying to the school.

OP, you seem very obsessed over this 6 year old's grandmother, it's very strange what do you actually have against this neighbour, and why are you so sure it's something she's got from her grandmother, and not her mother, or father, or another member of her family?

I'd explain to DD about how children that age aren't really to blame for being silly or nasty to other people, but that their parents (sometimes grandparents) are the ones who are bad people for not bringing their children up properly.

Tell her also that she is super beautiful but a child saying nasty things makes that child ugly even if it's her parents to blame for her doing that.

Then tell her to always try to be kind and pleasant, even to ugly people like that other little girl. Because that's the right thing to do and wouldn't the world be a better place if everybody did that?

... All of which has the benefit of actually being true as well as understandable by a six-year-old.

‘Tell your daughter that the girl is being silly and to take no notice.’

That doesn’t really validate the daughter’s very hurt feelings. Next time she might not tell the mum a bigger problem, if it’s brushed away as ‘the girl is just being silly’

Things that might be little to us are huge to them - if it’s happened more than once it needs nipping in the bud. No doubt .

You've seen her hurt and have gone all tiger mum.

To be fair if the mum is nice having a chat with her might help, it depends on her attitude whether it would and of course you need to start the conversation with the attitude as a fellow parent she likely wants things to go well between them.. so if this is persistent and not a one off you could. But I wouldn't approach the gran if you suspect this attitude has come from her.

This superior attitude must orinate from the patents or grandparents. 6 year old don't think like that in terms of assetsand comparing properties. I don't think the 'materialistic' family single your family out though. They probably think they're a step above most of the neighbours and it stems from insecurity. How obnoxious.

Because you've let a small child who is growing and navigating life, get inside your head.

Just don't let your DD pick up on it or she'll never learn a 'fuck 'em' attitude.

@idkbroidk No, not very obsessed at all, not strange. I just have a feeling if it came from anyone it’s her. Her mum is unlikely to have said that as she’s very down to earth, whereas grandma does seem a bit up her own arse tbh

Me too.

@idkbroidk What does that mean?

Telling her the girl is being silly, is not brushing her away.

It's acknowledging the fact the 6 year old girl is being silly. With help, she should then be able to work out whether or not it really matters what the girl thinks and if it's worth her getting upset.

There's a balance to be had. Don't brush her feelings off but don't give the girls words too much importance either.

(Tell her to piss in her pool)

Bloody hell talk about making a mountain out of a molehill. They are 6 who cares if glamorous granny thinks your house is small.

I work in a school and once had to escort a group of 6 year olds through the village to church . As you do I said “ oh look , can you see my Christmas tree in that house “ . To which one little girl said “ my tree is bigger than yours. My HOUSE is bigger than yours” . It did sound a bit strange coming from a 6 year old, I did wonder if it was the sort of thing that she’d heard at home !

She's 6.

She's jealous of the stability your child has, spending all week with her own mum and dad, waking up in her own bedroom every morning, not shunted off to grandparents even on weekends.

Honestly, I would just say that the house is bigger..you said it is? And suggesting there’s no difference seems silly- you can demonstrate neutral acceptance here which discourages the reactionary response to these types of things.

The beautiful thing is obviously the other little girl feeling insecure. Just quote Roald Dahl “a person who has good thoughts can never be ugly”
Dont encourage the comparison and do not make it into a big deal, otherwise both girls will think there’s some legitimacy to being more beautiful, or having the bigger house..

YYY @Pammela2

This is about feelings, not houses or appearance.

The other child is insecure. Your child is gobsmacked and hurt. Deal with that.

The actual items that were used to insult your child are neither here nor there.

It's probably insecurity as her own house is smaller than some of her friends. Just tell your daughter that it isn't true and she is very beautiful. I wouldn't explain any further. This kind of thing will come up again, and all you can really do is instil confidence in your daughter

I used to say 'happy people don't say unkind things so she must be feeling bad.' I always emphasised that this type of behaviour was a reflection of the other person and not them. Finally, I tried to prioritise my own child's feelings and resilience as, unfortunately, this type of thing will crop up over and over again.

I'd suspect that this child has been on the receiving end of mean comments (or heard her grandmother saying this stuff about her home/spiteful stuff directed at either her or her mother). So she's lashing out.

Oh geez this was my neighbours growing up, issue was the parents were very keeping up the jones type and that’s where the kids learnt it from. So I would leave it, the parents might be swaying her and might not care.

Focus on teaching your DD about others, gratuity and that she’s beautiful/ kind / smart

I don't think it's that deep. It's just a kid being 6.

It's pretty clear that you're upset and offended by this child's comment.

Kindly, get a grip! This is a 6 year old child we're taking about. Who knows where she got the house comment from? And honestly....who cares? Maybe in the child's eyes her grandmother's house is nicer. Are you really that offended by a 6 year old's critique?!

Have the usual conversation with your daughter about how to deflect unkind/rude comments and then just let the children work this out. Your daughter may decide that she doesn't want to see much of this girl or they may be best friends next week. Because they're six years old.

Don't let a six year old hurt your feelings.